A Question for Parents

I'm not a parent, but, well I know what my parents do in those situations.
They would tell each other, or tell me to tell the other parent if I didn't want them saying it.

 

In an ideal world, both parents are in the "need to know" category. If a child asked one parent not to tell the other, the parent who knows should try to make the child understand that this could be an impossible and inappropriate promise...unless there is the possibility of violence, or other extremely negative consequences.

 

As with all family situations: it depends.
It depends on your partners attitude, your child's relationship with your partner.
The only thing I can suggest is to keep talking. (talking in this situation is being honest and mostly listening)

 

As a general rule, I don't keep secrets from my partner, but I could wait a few days if our child needed time to gather his or her thoughts before sharing something. "Keep this secret indefinitely" is an unreasonable request (honesty is an important part of our relationship!), but "Please give me some time; I want to tell him myself but I'm not quite ready" would be something I could work with.

 

That is hard. I am a parent. This sounds disloyal, but if my kid came to me and came out and I was sure my mate would be ok with it, I would totally encourage my child to confine in that parent also. I would hold their hand if I had to, but I would try to get them to do so. I would give it some time, and if it did not get told to that other parent, I would probably tell them and have them keep it secret. Probably the other parent would already suspect, anyhow.

If on the other hand, I thought that parent would not be supportive, I would keep that child's secret for them. I would also think about divorcing that other parent. Sorry, but my kids come first, over anything else. You think my child is lacking, then you can stuff it. I am a Mama Bear with my kids. I would not support another person telling my kids that they are less than someone else because of who they love.

I reserve the right to tell the other parent something that I think will affect my child, or their life, or endanger, hurt, or threaten my child. If that other parent does not respond appropriately, then that parent is out.

 

Hi Mags the Goron,

I have to say my situation is a little different as I'm a step-parent and not a bio parent, but my step-daughter came out to me and asked me to keep it from her dad and I have respected her wish. It was hard at first, while I was still processing, but now it has become easier for me because she's still the same teenager I love so in that respect nothing's changed.
I understand her reasons to not tell her dad and I am working on his views and perceptions as much as possible without outing her.
So is it tough to not tell your partner, yeah, especially at first. I respect that young woman's choice to privacy (as long as she's safe) and will do my best to help open dialogue between father and daughter.

Hope that helps.

 

This happened in our house. Although we usually don't keep things from each other,I felt it wasn't my info to share. I wanted my son to tell his dad on his terms when he was ready. In this moment I felt that it was important for my son to trust me 100% and have me to support him while he was coming to terms with his orientation, and the ability to control how he came out to his dad. I knew his dad would be accepting and explained that to my son. I also told him that I knew he would need a safety net and without his dad I'm just half a net.

It took him a couple of months but he did talk to his dad, but was able to have the space to do it in his own way. I looked at it as not keeping a secret from my husband but building a level of trust with my son. With this adjustment I felt my sons feelings were more important than a grown mans. A kiddo who is dealing with coming to terms with something this life altering needs a little more support than an adult who can logically understand the gravity of this for someone so young., and why it was scary to tell his dad.