My son came out to me this morning.

First of all, welcome to EC, I hope we can help you here.
Am I right to assume that your child is biologically male?
If that's the case, you could start using the right pronouns, that usually helps a lot. Also, tell your child that you love them and that you accept them.
When it comes to your child's issues regarding their self esteem, maybe try suggesting a therapist, but be careful, that can easily be misunderstood.
I wish you both that you can sort this out (*hug*)

 

Don't worry that he did it over text. You may perceive text as "emotionless", but it was full of emotion no doubt; its just that texts are not perceived properly when you can only read words rather than reading, listening and watching expressions as you would in person.

You sound incredibility supportive. But even so, this is his own journey. And he needs to take the path that works for him. You might be a positive influence and have previously reassured him; but the rest of society still puts up barriers (even mores in the military). The good news is that he communicated, whatever form it took. And you should be happy that he reached the point where he could do so and he chose to communicate with you.

Be there for him, listen to him. Don't feel compelled to offer him advice, just offer him your support.

Your sound like a great parent.

 

I second that you should find out what you child's preferred pronouns are and start using them. It's a massive gesture to make.

Coming out is super tricky and immensely terrifying. It's hard to get it right. Don't take offense, being transgender takes a lot of coming to terms with ones self, and few are willing to accept it.

If your child isn't ready to talk, make it clear you care. Probably start researching what it actually means to be trans as well of course. There are lots of incorrect notions on it, the biggest being that it is sexual. Trust me in saying being transgender says very little about ones sexual interests.

 

thats a sweet thing for him to open up to u but the best thing u can do it tell him u support him no matter wat and inform him that he can become a girl if he wants to

 

You don't know how hard it is to come out face to face. It's just.... Scary. Today, my father was looking through my phone and found that I was on this website. I'm the opposite of your son (I would normally say daughter in this situation but I understand that's a touchy subject to you), I'm a guy with the body of a girl. He was shocked, confused, and I think a little bit angry. I wasn't ready to come out yet, I'm locked inside of my room right now. It could've been worse, and the fact that he told you is just showing how much courage he has. Just support his decision, he's an adult now anyway so it's out of your hands. I'm sorry if this didn't help.

 

I'm in a position now where I want to come out to my mom, and I can only hope she will be as understanding, caring, and supportive as you are. It's amazing that you are reaching out to understand what your son is going through, when many parents unfortunately buckle down and try to tell their child that they're wrong. I agree with a lot of the posters here, that a good first step to show that your support is to ask what your son's preferred pronouns are and start using them.

I've been going to support groups where, even though I have not made many physical changes, I am addressed by my chosen name and pronouns, and it has made me feel accepted and HUMAN in a way I have never felt before. For someone who has always felt out of place being assigned a role I did not fit, it is amazing to finally feel like I belong. It's normal to feel self-doubt when you are trans, leading to feelings of being "crazy" or "unworthy", and having outside affirmation of my identity alleviates so much of that anxiety and depression.

 

I would suggest doing some more research on what it's like to be transgender. Coming on this site was a great start! And it's a great place to ask questions like this if you ever need to. If you are more informed about it, you'll understand your child better and they'll sense that. Ask them what pronouns they would prefer because they'll probably appreciate that a lot.

And don't feel bad that it was over text. Coming out can be incredibly difficult for some even when telling the most accepting people. For one, sometimes it can be something the person has struggled with for a while and simply saying it out loud is hard for them without getting emotional. And for a lot of people, it can just be a generally nerve-wracking experience, even if you know it will probably turn out just fine in the end. So definitely don't take it personally. As long as you show your love and support and put in the effort to use correct pronouns and be informed, your child will be very grateful. It's understandable that you're confused and a bit shaken up right now, but what's admirable is the fact that you came on here to ask for help and that you want to help your son.
Best wishes.