My son hates the fact he thinks he's probably gay. How do I help him? He is 21 and has suspected for 7 years but has only recently told me. I have told him about this forum but he says he hasn't found anything relevant. What support is there?
Well he's probably still going through stages of denial right now are there any local lgbt groups you've found in your area?
There are tons of support and references to come to terms with one's sexuality, a bulk of them being online, but the most important support needs to come from the family. If the environment is supportive as well, that would be far better. He's definitely not alone, as you're reading this there are hundreds of people in his age going through exactly the same thing. What helped me personally was having a group of friends who accepted me exactly as I am. The best reassuring factor is to know that he's really not alone in this. If he does join and wants to feel welcome and share his experiences. At his age, feeling accepted and to belong is a basic need, and if this forum can help him in any way, even if it be minor, I would definitely encourage him to join.
As someone who waited until my mid-20s to come out (I never even really realized I was gay until about 22 or so), I think I have a decent idea of where your son is at emotionally. Have people suspected he's gay for years or would you kind of never know? I know a lot of "straight-acting" gay guys who really struggle with this because you've spent so long living with the pretense of being straight, you feel like you've been lying all your life. I'm reading a book called Openly Straight your son might really enjoy. It's a work of fiction, but it's extremely well written and the psychological dillemas in the book really make you think. There's a passage in the book where the main character says "I just want to be one of the guys. To be able to horse around and not have everyone think the gay kid is trying to grope me. To be able to sit & talk with guys and listen to their conversations about their girlfriends without them censoring it because of the gay guy in the room who makes it weird." I really struggled with this aspect of my sexuality, and I have noticed I do get treated a bit differently since coming out. Your son needs time to get used to it, ask questions, talk to other gay people... If you want to talk about this more, feel free to message me on my wall. Best of luck to your son & thank you for being so supportive of him
Hi, and welcome. First, you're an amazing parent for being so supportive and trying to help him find resources. I'm a bit perplexed that your son "doesn't see anything relevant" here since what you are describing (fear of being gay and wondering if you are) is probably the single most common topic discussed on here. So one of the best ways for him to get started is to do exactly what you did: Post a question in the appropriate forum, describe why he thinks he might be gay, and then see what answers he can get. He can also PM me or any of the advisors here and we can offer up some help and suggestions for figuring himself out. This can be a challenging path for some people, and if he's been struggling for 7 years, it's clearly an issue for him. I hope you can get him to participate here, because I'm pretty confident that we can help him figure out what's going on for him.
I suspect he thinks there is nothing relevant in this site because he is still in denial and on some level what is posted here is for others. You would never suspect he is gay, he is very straight acting and I never suspected, I just thought he was a late bloomer and pre-occupied with school/college/work. I want to help but I have to wait until he's ready. As a parent I hate to know that he is struggling with something as fundamental as his sexuality and as a straight person I have no idea how that feels.
