Accepting parents but different if it's your own child

I think it is different not in a bad way though, when you have children you kinda set them standards you hope they achieve and i would personally say being gay is kinda like a curveball in the situation not in a bad way at all.
Most important thing to remember is they are still your child at the end of the day and you need to show them the same love and attention you would have otherwise. Being gay is such a small aspect of someones personality you have to try to accept it.

hope this helps at all!

 

My youngest son will be 17 in a couple of weeks. We found out 7 months ago that he is gay. My very first reaction was to be very worried and scared for his future - what if he's bullied? Or worse? But after I calmed down, I began to have such feelings of PRIDE for my son. He knows who he is! He knows how he wants his life to be! Do you know how many people try and force themselves to be something they aren't? Something they think everyone else expects of them? And once they realize they want to live as their true authentic selves, they may have spouses, and children to explain this to. My son will never have to worry about that because he has the FULL support of his family RIGHT NOW!

I have 2 sons. One is gay and one is not. They both make us proud each and every day. Their happiness means everything to me, and I can't wait to see what their futures have in store.

 

I feel that such parents are tolerant rather out of politeness. That, I'm afraid, won't stop them from being ignorant. Thinking that "what are the odds that my son/daughter were gay?" or "I didn't raise a gay son/daughter" will not actually deny the fact that some kids are born homosexual, or that one of those kids might be theirs. So, yeah, they teach you tolerance while praying every night you won't "turn out" gay. Why? Maybe out of stupid religion beliefs. Heck, they may want grandchildren. But at the end of the day they don't realise that it's you everything is about, and not them.

In the end, I'd label those parents as "wish you didn't have; things could be worse though".

 

Damn.
When I see people like you I get kind of jealous.

 

One of my siblings and I both debated coming out to our parents. I came out to our mother (Dad is a wildcard and I don't know what to expect) but despite my reassurance I remain the only child to come out to our parents. Though I think they both suspect us not to be straight. I think we are about to stop testing the waters and just tell them.

Whenever we talked about coming out during the last few years, every single conversation had, "It's different when it's your own kid."

 

My parents are both accepting of LGBT people in general, and my mother accepted me as bisexual when I came out as that about a year ago, but both parents have reacted extremely negatively to my coming out as transgender. So I think it really is "it's okay if it's other people, but not okay with my own child" kind of thing in some cases.

 

Despite being "LGBT friendly/accepting", when a Parent suddenly becomes seemingly distraught at the thought or possibility that their son/daughter is LGBT we must remember that it may not necessarily be coming from a place of homophobia. We must remember that in the coming out process there isn't only "US/ME" but everyone in the family is affected. Parents may in turn have to face challenges to their own beliefs and concepts. In some aspects yes life will change, and they will have to cope with these changes. When a child comes out as gay, most especially when parents are caught off-guard. They may experience a multitude of emotions. They will have to cope with these emotions and in regards to coping they may experience different types of reactions.

FEAR
Is it a sin?
Many parents find it difficult to accept the sexual orientation or gender identity of their children. Many of us were brought up to believe that being LGBT is wrong or sinful. It is true that some religions continue to condemn homosexuality. But even within these religions, there are respected leaders who believe that their church’s position of condemnation is unconscionable.

How will life be for our son/daughter?
LGBT children will have to face many social (discrimination and stigma), cultural and possibly religious (if the family is the type) challenges, challenges that their heterosexual counterparts may not necessarily face. Will life be good to our son/daughter in the future?

The question arises will my child be ostracized, have trouble finding or keeping a job, or even be physically attacked? Sadly these things are still a possibility. Unfortunately, societal change is often slow. Progress is often also accompanied by backlash. Until homophobia is eradicated in our society, their child will face some significant challenges.

GUILT or SELF-BLAME
Was it our fault?
Some parents become severely depressed about the sexual orientation or gender identity of their children. They may even blame themselves for causing their children’s LGBT orientation. They badger themselves and over-analyze themselves and their faults. Many have beaten themselves up. Others have given up and resolved to “disown” their child or to “forget” them. Some try to “pray it away,” while others resort to over-involvement in activities or engage in other distractions.

DASHED HOPES AND DREAMS
They have to learn the concept that their child is the same person he or she was yesterday. The only thing they have lost is their own image of that child and the understanding they thought they had. That loss can be very difficult, but that image can, happily, be replaced with a new and clearer understanding of your child. Many find it difficult to let go of the dreams they had for their children to get married to a member of the other sex and provide them with biological grandchildren. Beliefs, hopes, and disappointments may be behind those feelings. Parents are now forced to reshape those beliefs and hopes that are causing the negative feelings they have.

HOW WILL OUR LIFE CHANGE
They would have to work around conversations as to not “out” their children without their permission. The premise of gay activism will now play a large role within the family itself. As parents they would have to now defend their child against discrimination. They would now have to play advocate for their child with family members, teachers, school officials, health care providers, religious leaders, and social services professionals who are responsible for creating safe environments for LGBT. Even with how they vote for political leaders who must now be accepting of LGBT and who will protect their rights. They will now have to support their child's right to have loving relationships. They will now have to get used to the idea of interacting with their child's same sex partner. Parents will now have to support their children’s life goals, even if they are different from their own. Not to mention family holidays... how do you exactly break the news to all your family members or worse your Church.

As parents they will now have to learn how to talk to their child regarding LGBT issues and most especially regarding their son/daughter's LGBT lifestyle. They would have to learn to listen to the thoughts and feelings of their child, experiences that may not be parallel to their own. How do you exactly give advice when you haven't lived the lifestyle?

SENSE OF LOSS OF CONTROL
It can be difficult for many parents to accept that there is nothing they can do to change their children’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

ANGER
Out of anger a response may come out as "How can he/she do this to me?", it is not the best response. However we must remember it is a NORMAL response to anger. Here, they are grieving over losing an image of their child.

They may feel that their child had been led into homosexuality by someone else. It is a popular misconception that homosexuals “recruit.” When the truth is that no one “made” their child gay.

As children we must also play our part and help them cope, help them understand. Instead of acting out and playing the victim we must be proactive and help them realize that we are going to be right beside them when facing these challenges, they are not alone. Talk them through and help them understand our lifestyle. They may need time to understand and process everything but it doesn't mean they are any less accepting.

 

My parents have a lot of male gay friends. I didn't expect them to be thrilled by my coming out to them but I didn't think they'd flip out either. They hate lesbians. I don't get it. It makes no sense to me. It just makes me feel distant and angry whenever they mention their gay friends. But I do think many parents view their children as extensions of themselves so they really don't believe they could have had a gay child. It's just stupid.

 

My mom always preached tolerance growing up, and she even called someone out once for being homophobic. Yet when I tried to come out to her a few months ago, she started crying and saying that she had always wanted biological grandchildren (never mind that I have a straight sister and brother). She didn't stop crying until I promised to "consider" marrying a "nice Jewish boy." It hurts me, but now I've just sort of come to understand that it has to do with her upbringing; she came from a very different sort of environment and she's still working towards understanding.