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Lonely child

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by mamabear, Sep 13, 2015.

  1. mamabear

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    Hello,

    It's my first time here and I hope I can find some help. My 26 year old MTF child came out to us recently and I am very worried. She has seen a therapist twice and she gave her a letter and referred her to an endocrinologist for hormone treatment. I have no problem with her being transgender. My problem is that it seems to me that she may be doing this to fast. Since she is 26 there is nothing I can do. I have been talking with her about different support groups in the area where she lives. She has been going to some meetings, but still she has this urge to change.
    Other problem she is experiencing is being lonely. She just moved to a new town (job related) and does not have friends. Again I keep telling her to go to the support meetings and try to make friends there but she tells me that the other transgender people there are either children or older adults.
    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I love my child and am very worried about her.
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    I came out to my parents at the same age as your daughter and I live 2000 miles away from them. Based on how my coming-out went, I advise you to just keep doing what you're doing. It's true that because she's an adult and lives far away there's not a whole lot you can do to change what she's doing. But, by being interested and informed and supportive when she wants to talk, you can be there if and when she does want to turn to you. From everything you've said, it seems like that's what you've expressed to her.
     
  3. Mero

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    Sorry if this isn't helpful, but just give her some space and time.
    I grew up as the lonely secretly gay Asian kid in a Mormon church (homophobic).
    My age group was full of females and I never felt connected.
    The same thing happened in school.
    Due to my language barrier, making friends was hard.
    No one liked me because I was chubby as a kid.
    School bored me, and I didn't have good grades.
    Mother would beat me and I was afraid of my own home.
    I was stuck in what I realized now as child abuse.
    I was seriously messed up.
    I never had any friends until I was in my first year of high school.
    From a 8 year old victim to a 12 year old suicidal to a 16 year old barely hanging in there;
    I know from experience that there's nothing more lonely than being surrounded by the wrong type of people.
    I'm sure things will become better once she finds that special friend.
    I've certainly became happier overall.
    I no longer cry myself to sleep at night, and I have a reason to smile again.
    I'm so glad she has a mother who cares so deeply for her.
    Don't sweat about her rushing things.
    Even though I understand you have your reasons, and heck if it was my own daughter I'd probably be worried too!
    But you just have to put trust in your daughter and her decisions.
    Best of luck and blessings to your daughter, hope she can make friends soon.
     
    #3 Mero, Sep 13, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2015
  4. tgboymom

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    Mine is reluctant to join a group as well. So far I can't find one in reasonable proximity to where he lives, but I'm not giving up. I keep making calls and asking questions. My son has begun hormones and changes are happening, but he won't really pass until he has top surgery. His chest is just too big to bind successfully. I feel that a support group will respect his gender even before the surgery and he would have a place to feel completely at ease....so I keep looking. He just turned 29 and refused a gift of tuition to enter a program for ichthyology for fear of anxiety of being misgendered, so it does effect his life.

    I would keep looking and encouraging her to join a group. ..even with younger and older folks. I sincerely believe socialization is essential. I find that even at 29, my child still needs my encouragement and support (financially and otherwise) to get through this transition.

    Good luck and God be with you and your daughter.
     
  5. Linus

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    You sound a bit like my mom reacting to my transitioning. I agree, it's a process that should be taken slowly. On the other hand, how long has your daughter been closeted about this? Have they known their whole lives? Maybe it isn't too fast for them. Maybe you're slow to catch up. Or maybe, you're right to be worried. It depends. Case to point, your daughter may have been waiting years for this. Encourage her to slow things down, and get settled, before changing themself. Finding friends will be important. Often, transitioning physically is spurred by society's view. If your daughter finds friends, she might not feel the need to physically change herself as much.