Please help im so overwhelmed

My heart goes out to you, I know this isn't an easy thing to deal with. Sometimes people are transgender, it happens.

Here are pictures of a transgender male model Aydian Dowling. (Assigned female at birth, transitioned to male)

Getting support from family, and the right hormones early in life can be instrumental to ensuring a transgender kid grows into a happy, well-adjusted adult.

I would allow the child to get the stp device so long as they paid for it themselves, as it's more affordable than the hormones, and hardly necessary to a transition.

I would ask him what pro-nouns (E.g. he/she) he would like me to use for now, and perhaps a temporary nick-name. This is your son, finally coming out. He's fighting out of this girl's body he was born with because his brain is male, and the body doesn't match.

Just how there are intersex people, who may identify as women, and were born with the sexual/genital characteristics of both sexes, their families would work with them towards being fully female on the outside as well.

This is but some of the evidence that sometimes the sex of the brain can differ from the sex of the body, its outward appearance.

If you want to go to counseling with your son, I would do so only to confirm a gender dysphoria diagnosis, and not to push him back in the closet as he likely fears. If the former is your intention, I would make this known to him, along with my support, and see if he agrees.

I hope I was able to help. I am not transgender, but I do care about these people.

 

Welcome to my world. I think you have an advantage in that he is just entering puberty. Mine just began transition a few months ago at 28.. fully developed as female. I understand your confusion, your hurt, your tears, your dismay, the guilt you might be feeling, your worry as well as your fear, but most importantly, your love for your child.

Your child is 12. You are the parent. This child needs to understand that like it or not, this is not an area that you have any expertise and as sure as he is about who he is, that is the amount of uncertainty you have in how to proceed. You require the advice of experts, so go on and get it. No responsible doctor would administer hormones without testing to see where this child stands medically AND MOST won't do it without seeing where he stands emotionally. If your child is serious, then he needs to know that there is more to it than a prosthetic device. At 12, he may not understand this.

This child, entering puberty, will probably benefit greatly by psychological care as well as medical intervention.

I WISH I knew when my trans son was 12 before the DDDs grew in.

When he was 12, I made the rules. Our household was not a democracy. Everything was open for discussion, but not necessarily to negotiation. If I felt he needed a doctor, I took him, whether he wanted to go or not. He could be as pissed as he wanted to be but the bottom line is that I was responsible for his care and supporting him also sometimes meant doing things he didn't want to do like having a tutor when having trouble with a subject. I was the bad guy, but he passed the subject.

Let your son know that you are being supportive by making appointments for the doctor and the therapist, and as unpleasant as it may be, these are necessary steps... for the both of you.

This is not easy...I can attest to that. The fear I had/have for my child in itself is enough to drive me mad so please, seek counseling and take care of yourself. You need to take care of you in order to take care of him.

May God be with both of you!

 

I really don't have anything to add that others have not already said, but I am curious what type of difficulties you are running into as you look for a therapist. I think looking for a therapist is the right thing to do. However, I am curious as to what you mean by "totally unbiased and neutral"? Since you live in Seattle I don't imagine it's that hard to find a suitable therapist.

Finding the right therapist is important for both you and your son. What are you looking for in a therapist exactly?

 

It sounds like the issue is that you're overwhelmed by the situation. You need to take a deep breath and step back for a moment.

First, there is nothing you or a therapist can say that will change what your child is feeling. It is impossible to be pushed one way or another--the only direction someone can be pushed is back into the closet. Second, the best individual for your child is a therapist specialized in LGBT issues, because they are the most knowledgeable in dealing with the situation. It's a bit like having trouble in your marriage, but refusing to go to a therapist that specializes in relationship issues, preferring instead to see a therapist who specializes in ADHD and Anxiety Disorders. You need to find the people who are most equipped to deal with the situation, and to give you direction in how to proceed.

One of the major issues that you are going through right now is dealing with a sense of loss. This is normal when someone comes out of the closet as gay or trans. You are losing the perception that you have of your child and the future you envisioned. You are going through a big adjustment period. This is normal and it is common.

However, you have to be careful in this situation, especially since your child is so young. Your reactions and your struggles are sending mixed messages, and so what you need right now more than anything is for a time out. You need to take a deep breath, step away for a moment, and look at the situation as objectively as possible. Then ask yourself, knowing that this is a fundamental part of who your child is, the following question: What is in the best interest of your child's health and happiness? That is the most important question you need to ask yourself.

You are going through a process of coming to grips of the situation right now. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, acknowledge those feelings, and then set them aside and focus on what is in the best interest of your child. It is a difficult thing to do, but that is the responsibility of an adult and a parent in this situation. I can promise you that it will get better and easier with time. This time will come sooner rather than later. What you are feeling and struggling with is normal.

 

Oh absolutely! I'm guessing you'll find more qualified individuals in your area. I didn't explain how difficult it was in my son's area. I must have called 2 dzn therapists and actually interviewed them. Of course our situation is way different because of Jake's age. We ended up with an informed consent clinic and my kid is just so happy and enjoying life now.

I didn't want anyone talking him out of or into anything as well, so I know where you are coming from.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

 

First off, you are doing a great job handling this. It can be a very overwhelming situation to be in.

I would try to find your child a LGBT specialized therapist. Depending on where you are located, you may have a hard time doing this. It's important that they know LGBT issues, since this is an issue that falls within this category. A good therapist will help your child understand how they are feeling, and they will help you understand what is best for your child.

There is also the chance that your child is thinking that you want to send the to counseling to fix them. This could explain why they are so opposed to this. They are probably scared right now as well. I would talk to them, and make sure that you understand that you want to help them be the most comfortable as they can be.

 

Your child is twelve years old. This reaction is normal, because it is difficult to deal with these types of conversations and problems. Shutting you out and shutting you down is easier. Both as an adult and as her mother, getting counseling is important. This is especially true, because if your child wishes to go through transition, then having seen a qualified therapist is part of the process.

I can assure you that this isn't coming out of nowhere. It's not something related to popularity--it's not a phase and it's not a fad. It's a serious issue that needs to be addressed by a qualified professional trained in the field. This is not only for your child's benefit, but for your benefit as well. You need professional guidance on where to go from here, and how to manage the situation as well as how to work through your own feelings and give the right type of support.

It is important to understand the high degree of suicide among trans* people, and how distressing the situation truly is--it's not an experience that either you or I have had. However, if your child is telling you, "This is what I am feeling. This is what I am experiencing." Then you have to take that at face value. You cannot dismiss it and tell someone that they are wrong. Imagine how you would feel if you were opening up to someone, trying to be honest and vulnerable, and you were telling them how you felt and their response was to tell you that you were confused. This is very damaging to do.

My advice is to find a therapist who is trained in dealing with trans* people, particularly children and families. Go on a few visits alone to speak to the therapist one on one. Once you feel comfortable, bring your child as well. This is a situation that needs to be worked on together, with the support of a qualified and trained professional.

When you have children they don't come with a rule book. In dealing with a situation like this, it is difficult, because it is far outside of what most people are equipped to deal with on their own. This is why a professional is important, so that you can receive guidance on what to do, how to help, and ways to move forward.

 

If they want to transition with hormones and surgery, they'll need therapy under their belt, of some kind. You may want to stress that. Otherwise, I agree, having them earn (chores or, if possible, some kind of job) a STP could be an idea. Teach them some responsibility, and it gives them time to think about all of this, while giving you a moment to breathe.

Now, in the event this is some kind of phase (you mentioned them, possibly, being influenced online; immediately, my mind went to some of the more extreme areas of Tumblr), it'll come and it will go. But in the event it isn't, the therapy, again, would be beneficial for the two of you.

If your child won't go to therapy for themselves, fine. But they aren't going to get very far, though perhaps they'll need to learn that first hand. But if they won't go for you, who could benefit from it as well, then that's just selfish.

 

Tumblr is a lot like face book, it's another social networking site but unless you have the filter set you can find a lot of XXX rated stuff on it. I'm not on it myself because I have no interest in it but from what I have see it's a mix of good and bad stuff.

 

Tumblr is terrible unless you're getting pictures or gifs of of it... I would go through her history