Changes from HRT

My F - m son has been on hormones for over 2 months now and although the changes are making him happy, he seems to be undergoing some personality changes that have me walking on eggshells lately. :icon_sad: Every little thing seems to piss him off. He is always so annoyed with us lately. He was angry with his father for arranging for J to pick up something which his father purchased at a store a mile away from the apartment, and J ranted that he was tired after work and was angry because his father called a second time in a week when the store reported the item hadn't been retrieved. Note....we live a good 9 hour drive and we strive to make gifts as convenient as possible, but sometimes it requires a small effort on J's part.

I listened and asked if anything else is happening. He said that everything is fine and this is daddy's fault! I responded by saying that his father thought he was doing something good and the attitude was unwarranted. I asked if the testosterone could be a reason for his anger, because this is not like him. Of course he said no. I spoke calmly and reminded J that he needs his father ' s support right now so for the sake of keeping peace, can we choose our battles a little more wisely. I reminded J that his father is a 70 year old man, and sometimes we need to be a little patient and asked that an effort is made not to alienate him.

Honestly, his father did nothing wrong. He was just trying to give J a gift. Mind you, this is strange. I'm the first one to hop on pop for being ridiculous, but I didn't see a problem. I then find myself pleading with J not to make waves over something so irrelevant because I need his father's $ to continue financing the transition. I can't do it alone.

Could it be the hormones? I feel and hear aggression I've never heard before and I'm beginning to feel distance. For example... he "told" me to make his doctor appointment. When I got the information, I called and gave him the date and time and told him I'd make a deposit to his account to cover the appointment and expenses and he was like "ok bye". ???? I'm getting too old for this. :icon_sad:

 

Once again, thank you. I'll do that today. I know his father won't do it so I'll TRY to talk to him and ask for patience. When his father throws his hands up and says "I give up", I have to do double eggshell walking.

 

First of all. I resent that. I'm a female and never went off as a teenage girl even when I was a teenager!! LOL :roflmao: I was more the type to be tough.

Let's pray that evening out happens sooner than later. I've already been through this once. Haha. The hard thing is now I'm walking a tight rope. Hormones or not, I think it's foolish to alienate the only allies. I must say that Jake has a genius IQ and I hope he uses his intellect instead of his anger. I'll hang on until I die, but it will be easy for others to walk away from the anger. Yanno what I mean?

 

I'm glad to know it's normal. I'm not thrilled with having to go through this stage again, the stage where I feel my kids hatred for us, but I don't have any alternative. Sigh.....

 

Brad, I realize that this is no picnic for Jake which is why I didn't throw my hands up like his father did. I think it only reasonable for the shenanigans to be held at bay just like the first time around. Trust me, as a parent, I've taken much more disrespectful attitude than I would have EVER taken the first time around. No matter the situation, mutual respect is essential for a good relationship. This transition is double sided. Just because I'm not taking shots doesn't mean I'm not going through it. I'm still a mother and we do feel our child's pain as much as ever. I don't want to whip out the "I'm the mother" card. I'd rather he just realize that I'm not the enemy. (*hug*)

 

I spoke with Jake a little while ago. I called him (as usual lately) and began the convo about some financial things. I let him know that I put extra in his account and got account numbers for stuff I'm going to pay from here. Jake's job is done for the winter and doesn't start up again until April so I rolled the dice and took the chance to go back at him about the ichiology program at the University again. I told him that I understood concerns about being misgendered and suggested he do any courses he could get done online. I told him that we'd do everything we can to cover it. He's already got an Associates with the advanced maths out of the way and he has special gifts in math and science so I can see him just blowing through the biologies, but the labs will probably have to be done on campus. I tried to say that the gender dysphoria does not define him and it's a waste for him to ignore his God given talents while transitioning. I reminded him that the world is a different place now a days and he might find his contemporaries more accepting than he thinks.

Surprisingly, he listened instead of getting angry this time. I told him that I have EVERY confidence that he'll have his bachelors in no time with his talent, and attaining his degree and working toward his doctorate will prove to be as beneficial to his life as continuing his transition journey. I pray that this sunk in. There is more to him than only his gender!

Am I wrong?

 

Oh sweetpea, I'm happy to hear of this positive experience with your brother! He just wants the best for you and he was able to convey that!

I truly do not believe that Jake is no one but a f - m transgender. Yes, that's a part of his goal for his happiness, but so is a lucrative and fulfilling career.

Ok...complete honesty here. I'll lay it on the line. I'm frightened. As long as I'm alive, I will back him up. What happens when I die? I absolutely need to feel confident that he can support himself and doing that with something he loves is a bonus! He still sells his art, but there are good times and bad with that. Sometimes he stays up all night trying to catch up on commissions and sometimes nothing comes in for a month so I think it wise to have a career with a steady income as well.

I just have to catch him in a good mood! Testosterone or not....life issues are as much of a priority. He is soooooo much more than gender.

 

Well said, sweetie!

 

Another honest note. I've been talking to my husband about selling out here and moving to Jake's town. I think he should get what every other guy who lives away from home gets. I could clean his house while he's at work and leave nutritious meals. An added bonus is that I can train him. He's got a bench and there's a full gym in the complex. I worry about him training on his own. I bench 225... not bad for a man, nevermind a woman, and I know he'd do better with a trainer. I had one most of my life and I have learned soooooo much about form and proper nutrition in weight training. I can help! (!)

 

Jake HATES cleaning, so I thought if the house could get clean without his effort, it might be doing him a solid.

You are right....I didn't think of that...I'd be making my fear a reality. I think it's instinct to want to protect him a and I have to learn to stifle that.

---------- Post added 30th Sep 2015 at 04:51 PM ----------

I'm still worried about training though. J says his bf will spot him but I can't see that skinny gut lifting a bar off of my kid's chest! We talk about it...ie. I let him know to work only the bar until his stabilizer muscles are ready, but I can't spot him from here. Frankly, I'd love to see him become as strong and muscular as I am and that testosterone will go a long way to helping to build muscle! Man... I leg press 550. I'd LOVE to see him surpass that! LOL

 

That's close to what I say. I communicated more of a question such as, "this doesn't sound like you, could the testosterone be causing your anger". Angrily... he tells me NO! I always ASK if there is something wrong... something of which I'm not aware.

Before the anger, we laughed about the hungry and horny part. LOL