My 13 year old son is bisexual

First of all I'd like to applaud you and your husband for being so kind and understanding. So often we read about parents who are the polar opposite to the two of you and it's absolutely awful for the kids.

It's okay that you don't fully understand because you are making the effort to and you are asking questions. People who identify as bisexual are typically attracted to both sexes (male and female). For some the attraction is equal, for others it may be more towards the same sex or opposite sex and it can fluctuate too. Your husband is wrong in assuming that your son is actually gay because he may never have a relationship with another guy, even though he feels attraction towards them. Many bisexual people settle down with one partner and lead very happy and contented monogamous lives and may even have children too.

At some point in the future your son will want to explore his sexuality and it will be a whole lot better and healthier for him knowing that his parents are supportive. Will he have relationships with guys? Yes, maybe. Will he have relationships with girls too? Yes, maybe he will. Will he settle down with one person eventually. Yes, that's entirely possible.

You may find it useful to check out this website and connect with other parents of LGBT kids: https://community.pflag.org/

If there is anything specific you would like to know, please ask.

 

Let me firstly say that I think you're handling this very well. Being unfamiliar is perfectly normal, but I think you're doing a good job of supporting him.

I think I can potentially give you a little bit of insight as to what's going on in your son's head, being in a fairly similar situation myself. I identify as bisexual, however I have only ever had one girlfriend, never kissed or had sex with a girl, and very rarely held hands with girls (I'm 18, by the way, to give you a little bit of perspective). Myself and my ex did not even do any of that stuff when we were dating; our "dates" mostly consisted of either going to the movies with friends or lying on the couch and her sleeping through The Lord of the Rings. So, in some relationships, it's normal for people to not be kissing or holding hands. It really depends on the people; I personally was (and still am) uncomfortable with kissing in general, so that was why we never kissed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because he doesn't kiss or hold hands with his girlfriend doesn't mean he's not attracted to her. As young as he is, it's likely that he's in the same boat: uncomfortable with certain aspects of what is viewed as "normal relationship conduct."

Also, keep in mind that he's only 13. Middle school relationships tend to boil down to things like, "We have lunch together every day, so we're dating!" or, "We always walk out to the bus together, let's be boyfriend/girlfriend!" (At least, that's what a lot of them were like when I was in middle school.)

 

Oh you're not ignorant at all honey. I think you and your husband took it pretty well. He could be bi and have a preference for males or he could be gay. It isn't uncommon for gays and lesbians to at first believe and come out as bi and then later on they are gay. So he could come out to you for a second time as gay or he might just stick with being bi if that's really how he feels.

 

I think you are off to a great start! It's awesome that you are being so supportive.
Keep asking questions as you come up with them.

Your son may be happy in one relationship for a long time, or he may move between them more quickly. Just like among straight and gay folks, bisexuals have a lot of differences in how they approach relationships. I think at 13, my relationship was a hand holding one, and by 15 I was dating my now husband (and having a bit of a relationship with my best female friend on the side which lasted through high school). My husband and I are happy, have two kids, and life is generally good!

 

It sounds like you've made a great start. It's awesome that you've been so accepting of him. At this point, I believe it's best to just treat what he says as the truth, and if he later discovers he is gay, or straight, then take it as it comes. The amount of Bisexuals coming out recently has increased as the LGBT community becomes less stigmatised, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was exactly what he said. Once again, respect to you for treating this so well

 

You have a great attitude about all of this, and for that I commend you. I'm sure he will have questions, but you're doing the best you can. Don't be afraid to say "I don't know" if he asks you a question for which you don't have an answer. And you can always direct him to this site; if he's 13, he's old enough to make an account here, and then all of us can help him as well. As the African proverb says, "It takes a whole village to raise a child."

 

First off, congrats to you and your husband Mom1975 for how ell y'all are handling all this, truly admirable!!!

About your son: he is very young and he could turn out to be gay or even straight, although the latter is less likely, it is pretty common for gay people to first identify as "bi".

That being said, I must have really missed a lot in life: at 13 I had no idea what sex was, I had no idea what being "pansexual" would mean and as sure as heck I had no bf or gf!!!!

 

First of all, I am so glad that you are looking for answers and trying to understand yours sons sexuality.
Now for you questions
1) being bisexual doesn't mean that your so is simply gay. Bisexuality is being attracted to multiple genders. Sometimes the attraction to one gender is stronger than another, it is a purely personal experience.
2) your son is 13 and middle school "dating" is usually nothing more than holding hands and eating lunch together. Also there could be another reason why your son hasn't kissed his girlfriend. If you want to know the answer, try to ask him.

 

Since everyone else has already advised you, I'm just gonna give you a free chocolate bar for being an awesome mother.

 

You are awesome! I wish I had parents like you folks! Anyway, I digress.

Honestly, I knew I was Bi at about the same age that your son figured out his sexuality. I denied it because the small town I grew up in was very old fashioned and prejudiced. Knowing that you will support your son will help him to blossom into the man he's born to be without causing all the anxiety and stress that many here have gone through. You are right not to treat it like a phase. This is how your son identifies himself, and if you ignore that part of him it will feel like you are invalidating a part of his core identity. Trust me, I know. It still hurts now when my parents do that to me. (It's also part of why I'm not out to my parents. They have made it clear that LGBT is "Not OK")

Both my brother and I fall in the Bi spectrum. Both of us are married in relationships that appear to be hetero-normal, and neither of us came out to our partners or each other until about 2 years ago.

I talk about Bi as a spectrum because there are all sorts of preference differences between people that identify as Bi. The sheer variety makes it hard for many people to understand what exactly "Bi" means, and it leads to a ton of misconceptions. Those stereotypes can be extremely damaging to a person who is Bi, and can cause them to act in ways that are contrary to their true orientation.

My brother is attracted to both genders, but leans more towards having relationships with women. I am attracted to people for their personalities and qualities regardless of their gender, so I can also add the heading of pansexual. Talking with your son will help both of you understand what his preferences are, and as an added bonus it will help to validate his growing feelings!

:eusa_danc I really want to throw you folks a party, because you are providing good support for your child! Yay!