Trying to be a good parent

Hello again! Once more I'd like to reiterate how happy I am to see such an accepting parent, and I'm sure she's really happy too to have your support on this.
I actually haven't been through this same situation, but I do have a bit of advice or insight from where I am in time right now, whether you take it or not is really up to you; and I'm sure others on this forum have a bit more experience and can give you more of their own advice as well in response to your questions.

In response to the situation with her older brother, sometimes someone such as your daughter can be scared of coming out to one family member (or family members) and not the other(s), even when they're pretty sure that they have their acceptance. This can be for a variety of reasons, and I'm sure she has her own for telling you and your wife first and not him. I wouldn't push her to tell him, but if you want you can sit down with her and ask her whether or not she'll be comfortable with her brother knowing. Try and leave it open to her, as it is her decision, ask her what she wants to do and tell her that you're pretty sure he will support her as you have. If she has any worries, encourage her to tell you about them. I wouldn't put too much pressure on her to tell him, but she might be open to telling you more about coming out to him and her own thoughts on the matter. You're right in making the decision to not tell him yourselves, it should be her own choice to and that's very important. But you can guide her in the process. In whichever way he might react, it'll be nice for you to have her back no matter how her brother responds, though as you said, you're pretty confident he'll be supportive so there shouldn't be a problem.

The card sounds great! If I came out to my parents that would make me really happy. To me, it sounds completely appropriate and a great gesture of support.

The family celebration sounds good as well, but maybe you can ask her if she wants to do it and what she wants to do. Personally I would be so happy with a mini celebration and takeout + TV, but once again it's good to communicate with her and see what she's comfortable and happy with at this time. If it is happening, a small, private one sounds good to me. Obviously this is in context to whether or not she has decided to come out to her brother at this point.

Anyhow, hope it goes well! If you have any more questions feel free to make a new thread or a new post on this one.

 

No problem, best of luck. It must've been a really emotional few days for her I'm sure; just have her back and let her talk to you if she has any worries, and once she's ready to come out to him she will. Hope it all goes well!

 

I feel as that with the brother situation you should let her tell him herself. If they are as close as you say then their relationship will grow even stronger. But I suggest being their when she does in case it doesn't go as planned. Shes going to need all the support you can give her.

 

It's great that your daughter has two supportive parents who are making a real effort to listen and understand. Do not underestimate how much of a difference you are making with your kind and positive approach. You are both doing great!

I think your daughter needs to decide when/how to tell her brother. I can understand why you feel it's important that he knows, but please avoid placing any pressure on her. I'm sure she will tell him sooner rather than later, now that she has told both of you.

The celebration idea is a very nice gesture, but it will only really work once your daughter has told her brother. If you hold a celebration this weekend it may lead to awkward questions from your son about the reason for the celebration. I think a card is a lovely idea though.

Feel free to ask more questions. If all parents were so keen to understand and do the right thing the world would be a better place for LGBT kids.

 

That is one of the best ideas I've ever heard.

 

I'm happy to hear you had a chat with her! Best of luck, and hope the family celebration is enjoyable for her, and for all of you. Take care.

 

Hi! I'm just a bit younger than your daughter, I'm 15. And reading through this made me so happy, it's clear that you are a brilliant person and just by posting on here, you are doing everything I wish my parents would do.

When I came out to my parents, they banned me from all of my electronics for over 4 months and got me diagnosed with depression as a result of having threatened to kick me out for over a week. They cut off all contact with my aunt when they found out that she knew I was gay. Needless to say, I wish all parents were more like you!

Just by telling her that you love her no matter what has probably make her more happy than you'd imagine. I would give anything for my parents to turn around and tell me that they loved me no matter what.

I hope that telling her brother goes well, and that he's as accepting as you are!

 

It seems like you're doing all the right things.

I would imagine that your support is enough for now - and that your continued support is going to be very important.

It sounds to me like you're doing all the right things.

 

Oh gosh, are you in Hampshire in the UK? I am too, I don't often find people this close XD

I'm always happy when people are accepting, there's not much point in being jealous. The less people that are in my situation, the happier I am because I wouldn't wish this kind of lifestyle on anyone. And I'm not the worst off either, I could have been kicked out and disowned, so I can't complain too much! I just have to sit tight and let my parents.Do whatever, I can't change the way they are.

I hope you have a fabulous party on the weekend or whenever you have it, and that her brother gives her as much acceptance as you have. Most people learn a negative attitude towards homosexuality from their parents, so it's obvious that probably won't be an issue in your case

 

Festivalhinge, I wonder, have you heard of FFLAG (Families and Friends of Lesbian and Gays)? It's a UK based charity that offers help, support and guidance to parents, brothers, sisters who are in the position you are in now. They have a website (link follows) Home that includes information, advice a reading list and details of local groups.

In all honesty, you are doing a great job anyway, but it sometimes helps to have that extra reassurance from people who have been on the same 'journey'.

Really great that you are returning to Empty Clostets and updating this thread. It means a lot to all of us to have supportive parents like you as members and contributors. It provides hope and inspiration to some of our young members, whose parents are much less supportive and enthusiastic.

Thank you for being here!

 

My parents aren't accepting at all. They won't have any of it; they got me diagnosed with depression and then told me that I wasn't in the fit mental state to decide my sexuality, and that they didn't want me to talk about it again. And that was after trying to kick me out for about 8 days, but they couldn't find any family members to have me. It was a horrible time and even now I'm in for counselling at school, which I've been in regularly for over 3 years now.

I would love to meet your daughter but needless to say, my mum doesn't know I'm on here and doesn't approve at all of meeting people over the internet. But I send you all a huge virtual hug, you seem like such a good, strong family! the fact that you are trying to be a good parent is brilliant, and the fact that you are clearly succeeding is beyond belief! You're doing fab, I reckon. Your daughter is lucky to have you!