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Brother Trouble

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by dylanisawsome19, Nov 17, 2015.

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  1. dylanisawsome19

    dylanisawsome19 Guest

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    Ok I am not usually one to profile or stereotype, especially when it comes to sexuality but I believe my younger brother is gay.

    And let me add I have no issue with that in anyway whatsoever... I'm actually the only one in my family who supports LGBT rights and equality and my dad believes that me being 100% supportive is just as bad as being gay. My trouble is not with me having an issue with his sexuality(if he is in fact gay),it's that our parents might just kill him if he is. I do not live with our parents and if worse comes to worst I am ready to let him live with me but I live in Tennessee and I also fear for him being bullied(worse than he already is). Can someone please help. Any advice is greatly appreciated
     
    #1 dylanisawsome19, Nov 17, 2015
  2. Bismuth

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    Well the good news for him is that he has an older brother to back him up if he does happen to be gay and things turn sour with your parents.

    If you are worried that your brother may be in danger in your parent's household make sure you keep in contact with him. Is your younger brother aware of your parents' aggressive opposition to LGBT rights?

    I don't know that much about the laws regarding it but you may want to research whether or not you are legible to be the legal guardian of your younger brother, in case the worst happens.
     
    #2 Bismuth, Nov 17, 2015
  3. dylanisawsome19

    dylanisawsome19 Guest

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    Well I know I am eligible and he does know they are deeply against it... They raised me and him to be against it(see how that turned out lol)... I hate to profile him but there isn't much, actually, anything he's done to make me believe he is straight and I'm not talking his yasss personality or effeminate mannerisms either. One of my friends actually said he thought my brother was checking him out. IDK if it's true but that ws just yesterday's brow raising incident.Like I said in OP I have no issue with it... A majority of the state of Tennessee, however, does. I would love him regardless and will continue to support him. He is my absolute best buddy and I just need advice. As an LGBT Ally I've always been good at being supportive but IDK about this. It has my normal confidence destroyed because if and when and I take him in I know the relationship with my parents comes to an end and I'll have a broken 13 year old boy to support
     
    #3 dylanisawsome19, Nov 17, 2015
  4. Bismuth

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    I think the first order of business would be to lay the question to rest of whether or not your brother is gay (or bi or pan).

    When you get an opportunity to talk to him in private ask him about his orientation and make sure to make it very clear that you will support him fully regardless of his orientation. Also let him know that you asking because you care about him and are concerned about him and want to make sure he feels safe.

    As for your worries regarding the possibility of your brother being bullied in Tennessee, consider that if he ends up living with you he will be guaranteed to have somewhere safe to go from bullying, where there is someone that loves him for who he is. It does not appear that your brother would be guaranteed that same kind of sanctuary while in a household with parents who may bar attempts for him to find support within clubs or elsewhere. If absolutely necessary, your brother could be placed in someone's care other than yours, should the environment of Tennessee prove prohibitive.

    Do what you think you need to do. Overall I find your concern for your brother to be very commendable.
     
    #4 Bismuth, Nov 17, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2015
  5. dylanisawsome19

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    well i actually asked him via skype before you replied because I was in tears worried about him and not being there in case something happened... He is gay. He never told me before because he thought I already knew. He knows I am fully supportive and will always have his back. He said he would love to live with me in Chattanooga. I'm gonna go to the DCS office tomorrow and see what I can do about getting him out of there before something happens. I know I can because my friend's dad works for DCS. Tomorrow I'm going to get my brother and IDC if he misses school he is a straight A student one day won't hurt. thanks for your advice
     
    #5 dylanisawsome19, Nov 17, 2015
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  6. Chip

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    He is incredibly lucky to have you. And you are doing amazing things by helping him. This will make an unimaginable difference in his life.

    CPS should be able to help and their first choice is always to place a child with relatives. The risk here is your parents acting first and sending him to one of the awful straight camps, some of which are outside the U.S. and not subject to US protections. If you think that is a possibility, it might be sensible to come up with a ruse for him to visit you and then orchestrate whatever needs to happen from there, once he's safe with you.
     
    #6 Chip, Nov 18, 2015
  7. dylanisawsome19

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    Like my parents know I'm getting him tomorrow to spend the day with him and if they actually know he was gay he would have it much worse. My friend's dad works for cps, knows I am trying to get him and is working behind the scenes to help me. My parents don't realize tomorrow I am doing more than spending the day with him... I am saving him from them before they have a chance to hurt him. I don't mean this weirdly but he is the love of my life. My absolute best friend in the world. He's my brother.
     
    #7 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  8. dylanisawsome19

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    hell I realized tomorrow is actually today and i haven't slept since 6:00 am yesterday
     
    #8 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  9. Bismuth

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    Good to hear you are working towards protecting your brother.

    Keep us in the loop at EC, if you don't mind, so we can give advice when needed.
     
    #9 Bismuth, Nov 18, 2015
  10. dylanisawsome19

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    well latest news... home inspection is happening my parents may face emotional abuse charges and unless they find something there is no reason anything could go wrong I do share the apartment but we are all clean people and my roommates are all supportive of homosexuality and we have room for him
     
    #10 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  11. resu

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    Yes, your brother is very lucky to have you.
     
    #11 resu, Nov 18, 2015
  12. dylanisawsome19

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    Luckily having good friends to split bills meant we could get a rather nice "family" apartment. Everything went well... Parents now hate me and despise him and the expected never ever come back line was used along with "I can't believe you did this" from my mom and "burn in hell Elijah(my first name), you and your faggot brother" from my dad
     
    #12 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  13. mbanema

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    Thank you for being an incredible person and getting your brother out of that toxic environment. There's a good chance that will be the best thing you ever do in your life and your brother is extremely lucky that you cared enough to do that.
     
    #13 mbanema, Nov 18, 2015
  14. dylanisawsome19

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    I won't lie, I'm really scared now. My brother is 13 but still kinda dependent. Not to mention destroyed by what happened... I don't know how to help him for once
     
    #14 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  15. mbanema

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    Unfortunately there's no easy answers here -- you're in a difficult situation and I can only imagine how devastated your brother must be feeling though. You definitely did the right thing though; just imagine how he'd feel living at home with his parents knowing they'd hate him if they knew who he really was or if he didn't have you in his corner.

    Being a guardian at 20 is obviously far from ideal, but you'll make it work and get through this together. Financially will probably be the biggest obstacle, but for now don't worry about that -- just talk to him, let him know that you love him and that you're not going anywhere, and help him become as comfortable as possible around your friends.
     
    #15 mbanema, Nov 18, 2015
  16. dylanisawsome19

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    Well now our parents know... so there's that... also financially... I make plenty of money and my friends also contribute... They are also very good with my brother as a couple of them actually have gay siblings too. We generally do keep a friendly environment. But because it's 5 people contributing to bills and food we are better off than other students so we will get along fine. I just worry I'm not ready for what lies ahead emotionally or if I'm mature enough... I'm still a party boy and I don't wanna mess this up because I am all he has
     
    #16 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  17. mbanema

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    The situation with your parents absolutely sucks, but I do believe your brother is in a far better place now both mentally and from a safety standpoint than had you not taken these actions. You have unquestionably done the right thing.

    As for not being mature enough to handle this, I think you owe yourself some credit for the levelheadedness and courage you had to demonstrate to take such a big risk to protect your brother. In times of crisis you find out where your true priorities lie and yours are clearly in the right place. Your life will most certainly change, but what you lose in being able to party or hang out with your friends all the time will hopefully be completely outweighed by knowing what a good thing you did and developing an even stronger bond with someone who adores you.
     
    #17 mbanema, Nov 18, 2015
  18. BobObob

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    As traumatizing as all this is for your brother, it's probably a lot better for him in the long run than staying in that toxic environment.

    I'm not familiar with the legal process behind this, but I take it that DCS did whatever it needed to do to make your custody of him legal (so your parents can't legally claim that you kidnapped him). Is that correct?
     
    #18 BobObob, Nov 18, 2015
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  19. dylanisawsome19

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    yes I had told my friend's dad the situation and he works for CPS and was working on it kinda incognito but his co workers knew because well he can't really hide that from supervisors
     
    #19 dylanisawsome19, Nov 18, 2015
  20. BiKate

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    Oh your parents are so awful, I'm sorry!

    You're doing such an amazing thing, your brother is lucky to have you! It'll be hard but I think you're mature enough to handle it. He'll still be going to school, he'll have a roof over his head, and he won't be going hungry. He'll always appreciate this.

    Is there a lgbt youth support group anywhere near you guys that he might be able to go to after he's settled in and everything's calmed down? :slight_smile:
     
    #20 BiKate, Nov 19, 2015
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