i think my mom knows i am gay, i need parental advice on how to handle this.

When she brings up the topic again, just give your opinion and see what she says.
In general, what has been her reaction towards LGBT rights and individuals?? If she's generally fine with it and not bugged, then just have a chat with her.

Perhaps she knows or suspects it, reason why she has pushed the subject. I'd wait about it depending on your age if you suspect she won't tolerate it.

 

You would better grow and nurture this inside of you. Yet, you could also come out to her only and this would relieve a great deal of your burden.

 

Well if she is trying to show that she is supportive of LGBT issues, then she might be trying to open a door for you to come out. Of course, there is always the issue of your father.

Really, here is the truth. No one can tell you whether or not you should come out. It is your choice, and you should do it when you are ready. So, instead of telling you what you should do, why don't you tell us the reasons you don't come out? What is standing in your way, and what are you doing about it? I presume that you do intend to come out of the closet at some point. Why later and not now?

 

Well, then you at least have her on your side. When you do decide to come out (years down the road or months/days), just make sure to tell her not to mention it to your father until you have the chance.


If you find it hard to convey your feelings with words, write it down in a letter. It's easier...
A good thing to come out sooner than later, is that you'll stress less over it.

Anyways, I wish you good luck with whatever you choose to do.

It's not easy coming out even if your parents support the LGBT. For example, with me despite my mother being a lesbian herself and supportive of the LGBT, I felt afraid for some reason. I can only assume it has to do with stigma that society puts on the LGBT and we grow up seeing and hearing in the media about homosexuality and transsexualism being wrong. What this causes is help reinforce in our minds that somehow what we are is wrong and we don't deserve happiness or express these feelings and thoughts, ultimately making it feel harder to be ourselves and find comfort in hiding.

 

Hi Ruby421

I'm new to this so please don't expect much of me, my 13yr old told me a short time ago that she likes girls ( her words) which is what brought me here.
As a mum my guess is that your mum suspects and is trying to give you an opening to tell her.
Personally I am glad my daughter told me, unlike yours I had no clue whatsoever. Was a wee bit of a shock if I am honest. She was reluctant to tell her dad as he isn't quite as open minded as she would like <<< check the diplomacy in that lol
Her dad did not take it well, that said he is going for the bury his head in the sand option. He has told her he will always love her and she will always be his girl. A better reaction than we had hoped for!

It is very much up to you, there is no right or wrong answer. However knowing that you have support and somebody to talk to is hugely important.

Good luck (*hug*)

 

yeah im not sure but I think my mother at least thinks im LGBT (possibly gay or bi...mostly probably thinking bi as the best friend i told said thats what i came across as to him) but heres the weird part, my dad thinks im asexual, seriously, we were talking about uni and he was saying i should go for programming games he said "games are like your life, your not interested in girls, boys or anything else" haha weird as all hell. I think its pretty easy to tell depending on what your focusing on, for example i worked out that what my mum thought because i noticed that she uses gender neutral words whenever she talks about my potential love life with "they" or "them" never "he" or "she" you can even see her pause to do that, and well my dads thoughts were kind of obvious. so id probably suggest looking for these things, see what gender they refer to when talking about your future romantic life (or lack of gender in my case).

 

rudy421

hi... I'm a Mom and I have a son that is openly gay and his age is 15.

Your parents might possibly waiting for you to tell them. I was waited and waited for my son to tell me and when he was 13... I asked him, but he wasn't ready and he said NO he was “straight”..... so I had to respect his space and that day we formed a real open communication. He would drop hints and I would drop hints... and he would say I wouldn't like the real him, people considered him bad and he just keep testing me until he felt safe..

After a year he at the age of 14.... he finally told me and he was so much happier... he had built up a fear and felt he would have to move away from me and the family cause he was concerned that we would hate him.

Could you be in fear? As well my son feared....what his dad would think. I asked if he wanted to me to tell him. My son said, NO and I respected that.

As well, I begun experience fear of the unknown. What his dad might say? Would he be understand? Would he be rude? Would he be mad I didn't tell him?

Seven long months later my son gave me permittion to tell his dad. My husband was perfectly OK with it... we were all in the fear of the unknown and it was false!

I am so glad my son shared with us cause we can be open and I want to enjoy his life and I want to be apart of his real self.

 

She should really respect your privacy

 

Dear Ruby421,

I am a mother of a 12 yo girl.

It sounds like you are in a really hard situation and it's emotionally draining to know what to do. You'd feel safest if you could come out on your own terms when and to whom as you see fit with all guarantees of confidentiality, but your ideal does not match reality and that's scary. You have doubts that you can trust your mother but she is leaving not so subtle hints that she would like to know, so you sort of feel pushed or pressured to take action.

That's a really lonely position to be in, despite having this forum. And the prospect of your dad not approving is painful to think about.

Sometimes, having someone listen deeply to you and reflect it back helps you to feel emotional release and more clarity about your choices. I encourage you to find someone who can be a sounding board -- or tag me if you'd like, or message me (not sure how that works as I'm new here).

Sending loads of support. xo

 

I'm very saddened to hear that your mom's hints turned into slurs. How hurtful and disappointing. It seems your instincts were right about her trustworthiness. I am glad to hear you have found support with your sister though. I send you a hug.

On the flip side, I am in the hint-hint stage with my son and while I am trying my absolute best to be patient and allow him to come to me when he is ready it is really, really hard. I'm impulsive, impatient and very protective so if there are other young LGBT readers out there who may have a similar type parent and trust that parent, I would say give them a little "something-something". Love and respect is a two-way street. Your acknowledgement that you "hear them" can be very heartening to the parent who simply wants to say, "I see you and love you." My son has started to use indirect humorous asides to tell me "I hear you" and also to "back off mom!" and I love it.

 

A child coming out to their parents should be on their own terms as its never guaranteed to turn into the fairy tale ending. I knew my daughter was likely to be gay or transgender during her early development. I never dropped hits but if the subject did come up I always took the opportunity to address that my children would always be supported in our home. I never dropped hints etc because I didn't feel like it was my right to out her before she was ready. She has only chosen to share with her sister and myself and specifically asked that her grandparents and father not be told and I will respect her wishes. I honestly don't know how my parents would react her grandparents she was talking about..... I think they would give her some push back at 1st but eventually accept it. Her father on the other hand has always been very vocal about his disapproval if any of his children were gay.... just one of the many reasons we are now divorced I'm sure. I can honestly say even with our disagreement on the issue its difficult not to discuss the childs well being with the other parent but her wishes and well being comes 1st, and again its my belief no one has the right to out anyone regardless of the reason. So when she is ready to tell him (them) she will still have my support no matter what happens.

 

Yes, I would. Sometimes us parents know and we patiently drop hints in hopes that our kids will just come out.

 

I'm sorry. This is so heartbreaking to hear. There are no magic words that are going to help you, but there are like 50,000 It Gets Better videos to help out. It is so awesome that you have a good sister. I don't have kids but I was once your age and hiding my gayness from my parents and when my mom did find out and confront me about it, it hurt a lot. I hope you can channel your feelings into something constructive and not destructive. Hugs.

 

Ruby, when my sister, Liz, told mom and dad, she thought they would be mad at her, however, we (my sis and I) are waiting for pancakes, in our nightgowns talking to mom and dad about our boyfriends. (me, Liz and Megan - the only real girl - are going on a triple date to a movie).

Mom and dad are happy that we are happy being girls. Parents, talk to your kids if you think they are, and if they said they aren't hug them and tell them you love them no matter what.