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How to come out to my parents

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by questions4ever, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. questions4ever

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    I wanted to ask you guys what worked and what didn't. I'm going to come out to my parents soonish and would love some advice on what to say and what not to say etc. Any help is appreciated!
     
  2. RyeTheDauphin

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    I think how you do it may depend on your parents' attitude towards LGBT people, and if you think they'll accept you or not. My parents personally are perfectly fine with this stuff and it was easier to tell them than it may be for other people, so if my advice doesn't really apply as well in your situation then I apologize.

    Just a few general points I can think of off the top of my head:
    - Work out roughly what you want to say in your head, maybe practise saying it out loud a couple of times if you feel it will help, and think of answers to questions they may ask.
    - Try to anticipate their reactions (will they most likely be happy, angry, scared, confused, taken by surprise etc) and modify what you say to suit that, but remember that they may surprise you (not necessarily in a bad way) so don't take your assumptions too far.
    - Do it at the right moment. Find a time where you are alone together and they aren't angry, sad, busy with something else or stressed out. If that doesn't happen for a while, that's fine. In my experience it's better to wait than come out at the wrong time.
    - If you aren't exactly sure of a label to define yourself as, you don't have to use one. I told my friends I was bi when I came out but then I felt awful about it because it didn't feel right, so when I told my parents later I just said that I was in love with a girl and had been interested in girls more than boys for some time. Just keep in mind that you don't have to resort to labels as a way to get the message across.
    - Keep calm. Relax before you do it and no matter what happens, try and stay calm and answer any questions they have the best you can. If you seem content and relaxed about the situation it'll probably put them at ease, and you'll certainly feel better about it.

    I think it's really brave and fantastic of you that you've decided to do this, and I wouldn't worry too much about it. It wasn't nearly as terrifying for me as I thought it would be and if you want to come out to your parents then that's probably a sign that you think they'll accept you. Hopefully this helps and I wish you all the good luck in the world! (*hug*)
     
  3. guitar

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    Listen to everything moonlight says.

    Beyond that, have your story worked out: have you dated? How long have you known? Are you sure you know? These are all fairly common questions.

    Also, don't do it in a moving vehicle.

    Good luck! If you do go through with it, let us know how it goes! :slight_smile:
     
  4. guitar

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    Listen to everything moonlight says.

    Beyond that, have your story worked out: have you dated? How long have you known? Are you sure you know? These are all fairly common questions.

    Also, don't do it in a moving vehicle.

    Good luck! If you do go through with it, let us know how it goes! :slight_smile:
     
  5. tgOlivia

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    Im a big fan of simplicity. Don't give a big speech, and try to not to get overly emotional about it. I have no idea how open or not your parents are, but I think your safest bet is just to try and be calm and casual. "Hey mom, dad, Im bi. I just thought you should know."

    Then just give them time to let it sink in, and answer any questions they ask. Then get your butt out of there so they can discuss and process it for themselves, without you there.