How to address this with my brother

Maybe you could mention one of your crushes while he is at your house? Like, just offhandedly mention something about 'a girl you wouldn't mind dating' or something. It doesn't have to be a real crush or anything, but just throw that out there. If he asks further questions, then you could say you are a lesbian. Either that, or you could just tell him like you would any other family member and don't mention anything about him being gay. Those are the two ideas I have right now.

 

It would probably be best not to pressure him into it or tell him you know since he's probably not expecting that. Just let him know you're always there for him if he needs help with anything. Or you could even talk to your dad and tell him to encourage your brother to talk to you about it. He probably will in time when he's ready, especially since he knows your family would all be accepting. Maybe he just needs the time to ease into telling people and then you'll be able to help him. Probably just better not to pressure him about it in the meantime. Even if you haven't been able to talk to him about it yet, I'm sure you've done so much for him just by being there. He's had you to look up to during all this and without that, he may not have even come out to his father or accepted it in himself this early and he hasn't felt quite so alone. So just know that even if you can't help him by talking yet, you've already helped him enormously.

 

I think the first thing you should do is focus on developing a more personal relationship with your brother. This will likely open the door to a place where he would fell comfortable sharing this information with you directly. You seemed taken aback by the fact that the didn't confide in you but I note that you did mentioned that you and he are not really that close. I think that is the reason why he did not mention it to you, (if there is anything to mention).

He could just be in a zone where he is trying to sort out his feelings and well, he can't really convey what he isn't sure of himself yet. The best thing for you to do is to do things that strength your relationship with him and in time he will be able to share things with you that he otherwise wouldn't share with you.

Take it for me, the best thing you can do for him is to make him feel included. The more you do that, the more comfortable he will become with you. I wouldn't try to do things to manipulate him such as bringing around girls to test if he is interested in them because psychologically that could backfire. If it were me, I would take that as meaning you prefer I be with women and that would make me shell up, thinking that I have to pretend to be straight around you. I can see how that could have the same affect on him.

I think that he sees you as his older sister and she's living her life and her comfort. The fact that you are lesbian isn't a factor for him. Once you close the gap by actually developing a relationship with him, he will be able to relate to you better and the commonalities will began to surface and he'll be more willing to reveal those to you. Give it time, but develop the relationship, something you should be doing regardless.

 

Since you status is 'out to everyone' I'm going to assume that he knows you are a lesbian.

However, based on posts I've seen here from people who have LGBT siblings, it's possible that:

a) He's thinking that your family has already had to deal with one child being LGBT and how can he ask them to have to go thru that again?

b) That he's now the 'last chance to produce the next generation' and how can that happen if he's gay?

Note that these aren't necessarily rational reasons and it may seem surprising that he could feel anything like this given how accepting your family is of you - but it's amazing what sorts of thoughts or ideas people can come up with, even if there doesn't seem to be any justification for it.

With that in mind, it might be helpful for you and your mom to 'just happen to have' a conversation (or several) in his earshot during which it's made clear that any or all of your mom's kids could be LGBT and she'd be fine with it and/or that there is no pressure/expectation for any of you kids to 'produce the next generation'.

Note that this wouldn't be flat out telling him this - since that would give away the fact that you know what he and his dad talked about, but rather aiming to make it clear that these kinds of fears needn't be a concern. It may take a bit of planning and acting ability, but could be helpful.

Probably wouldn't hurt if your mom could make some supportive statements about LGBT people, and maybe gay men in particular in his earshot as well.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

I think he will turn to you immediately he gets the courage.

Clearly you are a healthy ally/role model for him to have.. but I guess just leave it till he makes the first move. In the meantime keep sending positive vibes his way.

13 is still quit young, but I think in time you are going to develop a great relationship with him