My 11 year told me he is gay today

You sound like a awesome parent! I knew I liked both at 3 to 4 and by 11 was experimenting sexually with the same sex. I'm from a big familly that have different orientations. He is who he is. Glad you and your husband are understanding! I've kept my same sex feelings silent in my small little town. Let him be himself and keep being the parent you have been.

 

You, are a wonderful human being, and a fantastic parent. It's great that you came to ask for help. (*hug*)

It is entirely possible for him to know that he's gay, even though he is young. People figure it out at all different times in their lives. And if he grew up with you telling him that it's okay, and there's nothing wrong with being gay, he very well may have figured it out, even at 11.

Kids are jerks. This is a fact. And the best thing you can do is encourage him to be himself. Support him. And teach him how to stand up for himself, and to talk to an adult or authority figure if he ever feels threatened. Most importantly, maintain a dialogue with him about how school is going, and if anyone says or does anything that might suggest bullying.

I, too, was bullied for various reasons from a young age. I don't blame my parents, but it certainly would have made things much easier if I had felt that they were more available to talk to. So please, make sure you talk to him about these things. Make sure he knows that it's not okay to bully others, and that it is definitely not okay for others to treat him poorly.

And above all, support him no matter what. You're doing a great job of that already, so keep it up.

I love reading posts from parents like you. Fills my heart with joy.

(*hug*) Thank you for being you. (*hug*)

 

Many of my gay friends knew they were gay by like age 4 or 5. Most knew by puberty around 13. I only truly figured it out in my early 20s (though I had some very strong hints I repressed for about a decade). It's not all that uncommon for gay people to hit puberty, realize their hormones aren't raging for girls the way their straight friends are, and begin to put the pieces together.

With that aside, your son can absolutely live a rewarding and fulfilling life and still be gay. Most people I know have been bullied for many reasons. Kids are cruel bastards. You don't even have to be *different* to incur their wrath. If your son is a genuine and decent person he'll do just fine. Especially since the hellish social wastebasket known as highschool is over.

 

Well you sound like a good mom! (And yes you can swear on this site as long as it isn't at other people )

Anyways I started to realize I was gay when I was 11. But I didn't even accept it till I was about 13 and even then still went through bouts of denial. Thankfully I was able to come out to my family and get a positive reaction when I was 14. The fact that he's already come out to you is amazing! He may go through bouts of denial still and that probably will be from peer pressure but as long as you're by his side through the whole way I think it'll be okay. Also if you're worried about him getting harassed or beat up by some jerks then I would suggest he take a self defense class of martial arts. They can really help a lot! I've been doing martial arts for years and I know that if someone tried to attack me I know I can protect myself.

 

You sound like an amazing parent! Your children are very lucky to have you. I would not say that your son is too young-people realize their sexualities at all different ages, and many kids are coming out at younger ages. Your brother and his friends probably made it easier for your son to come out-he could see that you would accept him.

 

Personally, I don't think someone coming out at 11 is strange at all. The fact that it seems your son has positive gay role models I'm sure made it phenomenally easier for him than it is for most. (Just as a side note, do you realize how many gay people, myself included, would have happily given their right arms to have had those kinds of role models at 11?) If nothing else, it is really good that he's gotten that step out of the way.

Now, you mention some concern about how he'll be received by others. I agree that people in general, but kids in particular, can be cruel. Kids truly are cruel (I was at times, too), and I'm being kind to them by saying it that way. That by itself, though, won't be your/his only challenge. Your son is becoming a teenager; i.e., he's growing up. He will naturally start looking to his peers for guidance on how he should live, and he will start to measure himself relative to how he sees them, not just according to what you say. To me (just sitting here in a recliner, so please take it for what it's worth), the best path forward for him would be to meet other gay teens. Granted, I don't know where you live or what resources are available. For example, I grew up in (and still basically live in) small-town fly-over America, and LGBT-resources were nonexistent, even taboo, when I was a teen. But just guessing based on your own family and work connections, there are likely LGBT-friendly resources available to teens in your area or, ideally, at his school. Seek those out.

And of course, good luck. You're already doing well.

 

Mcnicp: You sound like a great parent. Congrats and if your 11 year old is, just be there for him. My dad lost a cousin, because of homophobia. Dad's cousin killed myself because his parents told him they don't want a fag for a son. Dad never talk to his aunt and uncle since.

 

This is completely normal he knows what he likes be proud of him for having the courage to come out Of the closet don't treat him any different he's still that same boy that you love And that's just part of him

 

The hardest thing about being a parent is realizing you can't protect them from everything... And accepting your child will to through trials and tribulations there is little you can do about. If you think elementary kids are assholes wait till middle school...
The fact that he has a solid home support system puts him a head of the game wether or not he is gay. It may be a phase or it may be that he is figuring out who he is and who he is comfortable talking to about it. It is likely not going to be an answer your going to get tomorrow but just be there to listen when he wants to talk and try not to make it a constant topic so he doesn't feel pressured to talk or make a decision prematurely .

 

I'm still a teenager so I have no experience parenting, but I can try to help since I'm bisexual and have dealt with bullying. As far as the questioning, I knew I liked girls when I was 3 years old (though I didn't know the term lesbian and I just thought there was something wrong with me) and my feelings for guys didn't come until I was in middle school so it is possible for him to have an idea, but of course his feelings haven't finished developing. All I can say is there is no real way of knowing for sure at this age, but he should wait until he knows for sure before he comes out. If you're worried about bullying I completely understand from living in a small town and going to a not-so accepting christian school as a kid. You can't stop kids from being assholes but you can be there and support him and keep him safe. I would recommend telling him not to come out officially until he knows for sure and knows it's safe, but of course there is only so much a parent can do. You sound like a great parent, thank you for being supportive of your son no matter his sexuality.

 

Some people "know" their sexuality from a young age and others don't. I was always kinda a loner kid and didn't ever really start thinking about dating and my sexuality until high school. Up until that point, I had crushes on girls but never guys. For me it wasn't until my sophomore or junior year that I started questioning my sexuality. I didn't "Know" my sexuality when I was a kid but that doesn't discredit people who "knew" at a younger age.

Hawaii is a vey open and tolerable state. Most of my friends identify as at least bisexual (and no I don't hang out with hipsters who think it's cool to be a lesbian). The first of my group of friends came out when he was in 8th grade I want to say. The second came out his freshmen year. They both knew since they were younger (and yes the stereotypes were true for them). They knew their sexuality earlier in life but I still don't know if I'm bi, gay, or just straight and like adult aimed material and I'm turning 20 in a little over a week.

Just let your kid know you love him (which I'm sure he knows already) and just say "okay". Sexuality really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Let him worry about it later when he's a teenager. If he's gay okay. If not, that's okay too. I wouldn't mention anything about "phases" or confused because if anything, that's just going to piss him off.

 

Mcnicp, how are your son and you doing? Anything new since you post? Tell him that we are here are him. As a 13 year old AMAB girl, I know how he feels, because he thinks he is the only person that feels that way. An 11 year old feels that he is along, because they talk about what they do with which girls. A gay boy can't say, 'I like this boy and I'd love to have sex with him.'
I hope he is telling you about his feelings. Tell him that you love him.

(*hug*) (&&&)

 

Loving your child UNCONDITIONALLY is the most special love to exist. If ony my parents could understand this and not allow thier internalised homophobia to get in the way. And how that internalised homophobia has leaked into my life and it's detrimental to my health. Please don't let this happen to your child. (*hug*)

 

This weekend my son told me that he is gay and I'm wondering if it was to young. He, just like your son, is 11. I support gay rights, but I never thought my son would be. I'm still going to love him - and his boyfriend, Talon. I'm worry what will happen at school if anyone finds out.
I'm still going to talk tonight, but it is strange. I want him happy.