My 11 year old son just told me he is gay

Hi Mumdv,

11 may seem young to be coming out and it's true that he might be trying it on for size, but honestly I knew around that age that I wasn't straight, so I'd take it pretty seriously. I think the fact that he felt comfortable enough to tell you is a testament to your relationship with him. I think you're already doing everything right. So long as he knows that you care and that if he needs someone you are there that's great. I know that I don't necessarily like discussing stuff when my mom asks if there is anything I want to discuss, but I come to her for advice/ to talk when I need her because I know she is supportive and cares. I think your son probably feels the same way.

 

Everything that has been said is great advice, but remember you don't have to change anything you're doing. I have a friend who came out to his parents and they changed the way they acted around him and treated him completely differently- and since they were lovely and accepting before hand (and still are, don't get me wrong) he hated the change. Remember that your son is still the same person and just needs to know that you love him more than anything.
This probably wasn't needed, but I don't want your relationship with your son to become unstable.

 

Take it as seriously as he is taking it. I can tell you from experience that telling him or thinking that he is too young to make this choice is wrong. It could mess him up. My mom told me she thinks I am too young to be making that decision and I am 17. You are never too young. I had a physical attraction toward the male body at age 5.

Just be there for him, don't bring it up every day but don't ignore it. It is there and just acknowledge that you want him to feel as comfortable, happy and loved as possible.

 

if your sons coming out 2 you at 11 take it as a sign you provided a loving supportive environment in which he trusted you .i wouldn't change anything all the signs are you have done a great job so well done really.its not uncommon to know your sexulity at 11 .

 

Mumdv, as a 13 y/o boy who loves girl's clothing, I have to say I'm proud that you have a great relation with you son. 11 isn't that young, maybe it was when you were growing up, but now, with internet, news and other things, us kids are growing up to fast.
My tg sister, Liz, knows she is a girl, me, I'm unsure if I am a girl (80% sure) or gay or if I am a cross dresser.

Mumdv, talk to him about if he is a girl. Whatever, support him in his journey, he need you and his dad.

 

mumdy

I don't feel 11 is to young. My son came out to me at the age of 14 and it deepened our relationship. I feel we are better connected and he is comfortable sharing current issues with me like love, dating and relationships.

Me and my son would go for walks where we could talk freely. and If permitted, Ask lots of questions like. Would he like my support telling the family? Did he need support? Had he already gotten some support?


I asked my son for his PATANCE..... in my understanding his sexuality

I asked for PREMITTION …..to talk about his life.

I asked for his SUPPORT..... in things I didn't know about.

I asked him if he needed support. Like a L.G.B.T.Q. Support Group


One method I find very effective is just listening... this allowing he to sort threw his feeling

I believe this as so positive that your son is open and that a gift it is to have a great relationship with him. The fact that he is able to express his true self is wonderful. He wont have to suffer in silence, fear or depression. Great Parenting

Mumdy, I'm so glad you asked that question to Liz, I felt in my heart that my son was gay at the age of 4 and I wasn't surprised then he told me, but when he expressed his questioning to his gender I was silently overwhelmed, but looking back the signs where there and it is a process that me, my family and son are working threw. we are supportive and open to his needs.

sinergy

 

Mumdv: (Why does the English write mum and us Americans write mom??) Just sit down and talk to him. He might be trans, but he is afraid to say anything...I hope you and his dad will support him

 

I spoke with my son today and he said he know in grade 5 at the age 10 that he was attacked to boys and no interest in females in any sexual way. In grade 07 at the age of 12 he was drawn transgender.

It took him 4 years to confided to me at the age of 14 that he was gay. Three weeks later.... he told me about his want and desire to be more feminine possibly transgender.

I hold my concerns at bay, because I don't have any idea how it will evolve. I cant worry about what I don't know about. I listen.. I nurture him.. with eyes wide open.... I able to watch he be happy and dance. I am able watch my son blossom into a kind and sensitive person as he was designed to be.

 

Sinergy, is he talking to you about being trans*? If SHE is, tell her that she's not alone. I love being a girl (so does my bf) <-----me and my bf...

 

yes my son was wanting to be trans. he enjoys girls things and always has... we have seen the family doctor about hormone replacement therapy, and are on a waiting list for support. because he made the request to go.

but lizSibling its weird... this has reverted him. he's unsure know! why would this be? I told my son he has all the time in the world...to decide or not decide, but I think staying on the waiting list is a good idea.

sinergy

 

Hello Mumdv.
I think your son is in good hands with you as his mum. I think you will find support group or services for him. But don't forget to find a support mechanism for yourself.

 

Sinergy, if she (I'm going to use the female pronoun for your XY daughter/ 'son') is a tran*, I would spend a day doing some shopping (get her a few dresses, because she will be beautiful). Maybe you can take her tomorrow to get her hair styled. She would love it. Talk to her tonight.

 

Hello Mumdv.

Welcome to EC, you sound like a great mum and this website is a mine of useful information and support and was a fantastic help to me.

I don't know of any support groups in Blackpool but over in Manchester their is a registered charity called the "LGBT Foundation" who may have details of local groups to you and point you in the right direction for support. If you google them you will find the contact details.

You could also try PFLAG UK which is a support group for parents of gay/bi/questioning kids.


Sale Gay Guy

---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2016 at 04:10 PM ----------

Hello Mumdv

I've just had a look at the LGBT Foundation website under the tab "Get Support" "For Young People" "Friends & Family" and found they do a downloadable booklet in PDF form called "Our Kids Are Alright".

I'm sorry I can't give you the direct web address, I got into trouble the last time I did that but if you Google it you will find it.

Sale Gay Guy

 

Since the two of you have such an open dialogue maybe you could ask him if he would like (or surprise him with) a few sun dresses you've picked out at the store. You could get him a few makeup items and possibly some simple jewelry. You could let him know that he is free to experiment at home if he so chooses. If it is a surprise you could put it all in a bag and just leave it in his room for him to discover.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with taking it slow in a safe environment.

 

IslandMom.... a surprise bag is a wonderful idea

 

Great idea...don't forget panties, too. A few bras, too...and shoes, too.