Homophobic parents and gay brother. What can I do??

Do you know for certain that he is gay?
Having stuff like that thrown at you since a very young age makes a change of thought really difficult. So of course, it wouldn't be easy for him to talk about it, maybe especially to somebody who's so close with his parents - who he knows are homophobic - that doesn't mean that he doesn't trust you, I guess it's more of an irrational fear and having you and his parents so close together in his mind, of course it'd be hard.

I think you need to give him time and it's really really good that you try your best to show him that you're supportive and that the stuff your parents say isn't true. Keep doing that and show him, maybe tell him at some point when it's appropriate that you'd love him no matter what etc.

I really hope it gets better, good luck!

 

K5E, wish I could tell you to have your parents talk to my parents (or to my boyfriend's mom). I'm a 13 year old AMAB female - one of two in my family. My younger sister (AMAB, too) was the first to come out as a girl. Our parents are understanding. It's nice talking to my mom about love.
I hope they'll get info. If they don't accept him being gay, they might lose him. Dad told me that his cousin was gay, but his parents wouldn't accept it, so one night, he killed himself. Dad said that if we are happy fine...

 

Hi K5E.

Your brother may or may not be gay, or he may not realized that he is gay.
I've come across guys that are very 'camp' and are totally straight and I've come across guys that were the last person to figure out that they were gay. So just accept your brother for who he is without judgment or preconceptions. But I think you are doing that any way.
You are doing a good job sticking up for the vulnerable.
Your brother is lucky to have you, even if he is straight. :icon_wink

Keep on doing what your are doing you are making the world a better place.

 

I strongly feel I am a bi. But i keep aside my feelings and i am more focussed on my studies right now.
u cant change ur parents. i think that once one bcums successful or smthin gud in life no one can stop u from doing what u want, not even parents.

 

It could be he hasn't come to accept his own sexuality yet, especially in this kind of environment. You are doing a great job already of being a good brother. Just continue to show him you're there for him. Maybe in addition to showing your support for the LGBT+ community, you could try to get closer to him in other ways, maybe having more talks with him, even just asking him about his day and growing closer like that. Then he may feel more comfortable talking about it when the time is right.

 

I recommend that you come out to your brother first and make sure he's also gay. If he actually is, you're in luck. Have you and your brother tell your parents at the same time. (If your brother's not gay, come out to him first and then make sure he supports you while you talk to your parents.) You might want to talk to the person who you think might be more accepting first. You can also invite some friends over and have them support you while you tell a parent or both. That way, your parent cannot get angry at you in the presence of the others. I hope all goes well! :icon_bigg

 

Please know that the fact that your brother hasn't come out to you doesn't mean that he doesn't trust you. It just means he isn't ready to come out to anyone. He may not even be ready to face his identity himself. It takes some people, especially people raised in closed-minded households, a long time to reach the point where they feel safe enough to explore who they are, even internally.

It sounds to me like you are already doing all the right things to support your brother. I recommend writing him a note. Don't say "I know you're gay," because that would probably put him into a panic, thinking that if you know, then everyone must know. Just say something like "I love you and I want you to know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk. My room is a safe place, and anything that is said between you and me stays between you and me."

 

I wish my elder brother(s) were like this

Your brother may or not be gay but you should be able to stand up for what you believe. If he really is, seeing you open and battling homophobia can't do anything but good to him.

 

If you are sure that he is gay, then continue supporting him and defending him from those things your parents say. If he doesn't want to tell Ou Yahtzee he is gay then just wait the right time (when he feels ready) or maybe he won't tell you ever. Maybe he will just come out when he gets out of your parents house. Don't be sad for him, be there for him.

 

Your brother might be so scared of your parent's reaction that he can't even come out to himself. Coming out to myself was one of the hardest things, coming from a homophobic household.

 

I can't say I speak from experience with the homophobic parents topic. Well my stepdad is pretty homophobic but he's kinda the whole shebang when it comes to insensitivity. I mean he's not gonna go out of his way to bash anyone. But we all kinda pick up on the subtle (and not so subtle) cues that he thinks if you're white and straight, it's better. Anyway I digress. I can say from experience though, that coming out to yourself is really hard. You can't force it but you can certainly be supportive. Coming out is hard. Hell I haven't even told my parents yet. Well not directly at least. Pretty sure my mom knows. Anyways just keep supporting him and he'll tell you when he's ready. Good luck