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My 6-year-old told me he's gay. Advice Please.

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Minnmom1982, Apr 27, 2016.

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  1. Minnmom1982

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    I'm not sure where to begin and this might get rambly so I apologize in advance. I'm confused and have no idea how to handle this.

    I was at the park with my 3 boys a few weeks ago. My middle son who is almost 7 was playing with a friend. They (my son and his friend) come rushing up to me and tell me that my son likes a boy in his class. I said, "What do you mean?" "I like him like him." They giggle and run off. End of conversation.

    Fast forward to earlier this week. My husband is home with the kids and I walk in the door from work. The boys meet me at the door with many hugs and kisses like they always do. Husband walks into the kitchen and amid the chaos whispers in my ear that our 6 (almost 7) year old told him he was gay. I must have had a shocked look on my face because he pick him up and tells him to, "Tell mommy what you told me before." He proudly says, "I'M GAY!" I hugged him, I told him I loved him and then he went on his way. Later when it was quiet I asked him if he knew what being gay meant and he said it's when boys like other boys. *sigh* How do I make sure he REALLY understands what it means in little kid terms?

    He's always been different than his brothers. Not bad, just different. All my children are kind, smart, caring, funny, stubborns, occasionally defiant, sarcastic, typical boys....but there was/is a different light around him. He sees the world in a different way. I've gotten the feeling for a while that he might be gay. Mothers intuition maybe. I've never brought it up with him and I've never made him feel like being one way or the other is a bad thing. We are who we are and as long as we are good people and keep good in our hearts it's okay. This is just something I imagined talking about when he was a little older. I'm not ready for him to show interest in anyone from either gender. :dry:

    All that said, I'm scared for him. Kids can be cruel and adults can be cruel and the thought of someone harming my child because of how he loves terrifies me. I don't want him to EVER be ashamed of who he is but at the same time I don't want him to tell anyone because what if? What if someone beats the crap out of him for being gay? What if he is bullied to the point that he wants to kill himself? What if, what if? I know he could wake up tomorrow and tell me he likes a girl in his class and someday marry his high school girlfriend, but what if he doesn't? I want him to be happy and I want him to feel loved and accepted. Where the family is concerned that is not ever going to be an issue, ever. I'm just worried about how he'll be treated by the rest of the world.

    Do I just let it go and wait for him to bring it up again or do I start a real conversation about his sexuality? Where would I even begin?
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    I'd say that since he's only six, and therefore I doubt he knows anything about the past and sometimes present of being LGBT, I would wait for him to bring it up with you. If you make it a big deal, he'll only think it is. You could perhaps ask the teacher to do a lesson on ''different families'' and talk about the different types (nuclear, same-sex, blended, single parent) and see what he and the other children think about them. Ask him if he had a good day at school, and if something's wrong he'll probably go quiet or try and divert the topic.

    This is me from the UK, so maybe USA is different, but I think that in the future kids won't be bullied for their sexuality and the kids will fail to understand a time it wasn't allowed.

    Hope this helps.
     
  3. Libra71

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    Hi Minnmom1982,

    I have a 8.5 years old son and I joined this site in 2014 for the same reason you did: I was wondering about my son's non-normative gender behaviour, what it means, how should we act as parents in case he is gay. 1.5 years later and after reading many posts in this section, my suggestion would be for you not to worry about it, just go with the flow for now. Only ensure that he is aware that boys can date boys, can marry boys etc - that gay is normal, you are not judging him any differently and are accepting of him as he is.

    Your son is still very young and though some kids may be pretty certain that they are gay at a young age, the reality is that for most sexual orientation only becomes clear at puberty or later.

    For instance, my son now displays much less feminine behaviour and also started relating better to boys as friends - which is why I wondered to start with. I still don't know if this means anything but as a family we really treat gay as the absolute normal so hopefully his mind is at ease.

    In fact, just for fun, I went with him to the pride parade this year for the first time (in Auckland is very tamed so lots of young kids around). He enjoyed it and asked very pertinent questions around the purpose of the parade, why some corporates had floats and so on. We had insightful chats about how we are all different and how this makes the world fun and interesting.

    best wishes to you.
     
  4. guitar

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    It's difficult because before puberty no one knows for certain because hormones haven't kicked in yet. With that said, I have several gay friends who knew at ages 4, 6, 7, etc. A lot of gay kids feel "different" and their parents a teachers pick up on it as well.

    At this point all you can do is love him,support him, and see how he develops.
     
  5. NicoC123

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    Wow! That is incredibly young to come out, and be so confident in it. First of all good for him. On the other hand your concerns are very real. I say sit down with him and talk to him about it. Keep it nonchalant. Focus on the good things, and let him know that you are there to listen, and help him. You may want to encourage him to not tell anyone, but you should never tell your child to stay in the closet if they want to start opening up. It seems that at 6 most kids aren't going to care, but the danger is still real in older kids and adults. Keeping an open network of communication is the most important thing right now. Tell him you are there to help him figure things out, and then do so. The best thing you can do is just be there. Start educating yourself on what it means to have a gay child, and what things you need to do. There is a lot of reading material out there if you just look. Like said above you shouldn't make it seem like a big deal to him, but it should be a slightly bigger deal to you. And I mean that in the best way. Because one day when he is 11, 12, 13, 14, and so on and he comes to you and says he has serious feelings for a boy, you will know what to. Best of luck!
     
  6. Conquistar

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    My response is very similar to others. I think he is too young. Heck, I'm 13 and still trying to figure my sexuality out, but I did have a same sex experience when I was his age. I did have a crush on a boy when I was 4. However, do you think 6 year old talk to girls? I was one of the few ho did, but most my friends said I had cooties back then. Most kindergarten friends hold hands also, does that make them gay? No, they don't know better. Give your son a few years and perhaps he might change his mind, if not, who cares?
     
    #6 Conquistar, Apr 28, 2016
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  7. Robert

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    Let your son live his life and just make sure that he knows that you're OK with all sexualities in the meantime.
     
  8. R M

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    this is def. a hard situation. Im glad that you two are such great parents for accepting him. I think he's waaayy too young to actually be able to decide if he's gay or not or whatever. Also, kids dont know what, what they say, means. I would tell him just to keep it down and dont talk about it atleast untill he's old enough. I would be terrified for my kids if they were open at such a young age. theres a big chance theyll br bullied or have adults try to tell them otherwise. I would try to make my son keep it down till he actually knows what he's actually saying.
     
  9. Kiran

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    So, if a child tells you - they like opposite gender (aka: het) would you tell them "you're too young to know" too? Wait till puberty? Then "but you didn't have sex yet" etc.?

    Your child can be bullied for so many reasons, not related to sexuality. Those reasons might be related to being who they are.

    If he would wake up tomorrow and said he's going to marry a girl, it's still not invalidating the same-sex attraction. He might be bi. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Stop overreacting and getting ahead of the reality.
     
  10. Andrew99

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    There is a possibility he knows who he is already. However I highly doubt it. I mean he is only 6 and he might not even know what he means when he says he likes likes boys.
     
  11. Lalayajen

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    Thid made me think about myself at age 6 and I really liked a boy. Of course I had no idea what sexuality is.

    I remember once our kindergarten teacher was dividing us into teams and I got in the same team with that boy. I remember being super happy about being able to talk with him. LOL, I was so cute.


    My only advice is what you are doing. In most cases if family provides a safe space; the rest of the world can't hurt him.
     
  12. Sigtu12034

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    I am not one of those striaght homophobic people who say "you are just confused" when a gay guy comes out.
    I am actually the opposite of that; im gay.

    He might actually be gay, but you cant be sure until he becomes like 10 or more. He is still kind of young to know. When he is older, ask him about his feelings for guys, and talk to him about it to make sure he is gay. If he is, then no big deal
    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:

    I figured out i was gay at 11.
     
    #12 Sigtu12034, May 6, 2016
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