My son said I'm definitely gay Mum

Well your emotions sound pretty normal since that is a lot to take in. When I came out to my parents my mom was very proud as she had known i was gay since i was 3. My dad had no clue and I could tell he was disappointed but he was also very supportive. I think you are doing a great job and I think that is great that you are educating yourself on lgbt related things and I'm not sure what else to say but I think you are a great mom!

 

I'm really proud of you for cultivating the kind of relationship with your son that he would share these thoughts with you. So good.

 

I just wanted to first address the issue of the 'pink phase' that your son went through. Though I know you say that with best intentions, please don't say it to him or others. It may not seem like a big issue but it can be quite hurtful or offensive because it suggests that you have subscribed to a stereotype that your son may not align with. I'm speaking from experience here and I know how demoralizing it is when you feel people are making judgements about you based on an unrealistic stereotype due to your sexuality. Again, I know that you don't mean any harm by saying it and it will maybe be a funny story for his wedding day but not for now.

You said that your main aspirations for your son are that he maximises his opportunity and finds his passion, in a nut shell, lives a happy life. When you think of the things in your own life that you aspire to they will probably be the same things so you will have an idea of what those things are and how to get them. For example, you probably hope for your sons to feel the joy of starting a family. That usually means getting married, raising children and there is no reason that your son can't do that, as you know but it's harder for you to imagine that path because it's not so familiar to you. There are a few obstacles that you wouldn't have come across and the journey may take a different route altogether. When your son aims to achieve his own goals, you won't always have a relevant experience or knowledge to protect him and that for now will cause you to worry that you can't support him as you hope to.
The good news is that it doesn't really matter. You can't act as though your son's sexuality won't influence his life, yet you can't act as though it is all his life is about. You will find a balance eventually that works for both of you and more importantly you will find that the only support that your son needs is your unconditional love and willingness to accept it in return.

 

You seem like a great mum.

Just make sure your son knows he is loved no matter what, I'd love if my mum did that when I come out to her. I don't really have much else to say, really.

Keep us updated!

 

I hereby nominate you for the official mom of the year award ;-)

 

Just take things slow, getting educated on the LGBT+ community is a very good step to take. Also, these feelings are normal. It can be hard to suddenly learn something so new about your child that you've known for their whole lives. It can be a shock at first, and may raise some fears about how they're handling it on their own, but I promise you that the love and acceptance you've shown him over the years has made a profound difference and probably made it a lot easier for him.
Just continue showing your support and acceptance. With this new information, you may feel like your son is different in some way. If so, this feeling will go away in time as you see he's still the same person he always was. He's just learning more about himself so he can lead the life that's right for him.

Best wishes<3

 

Are there any LGBT groups in your area? like a gay-straight Alliance, for instance. It might help to get involved with them with your son.
Beyond that, become generally educated (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a good start), and continue supporting your son.

Thanks for being so supportive, by the way.

 

You are very wonderful indeed! I thank the heavens that there are people like you in the world. Because, right now... What you are going through. Your son went through the same thing, or rather similar.

Before his decision to "come out" to you both times. He researched it. Trying to find himself he went to his friends, read online... Trying to find himself he also discovered what it meant to "come out". Your support, love, affection, acceptance, and validation... All of that was what helped him and his transition more than you know. But, remember... Just as much as he needs yours he also needs his father and his siblings.

With that said... He came to you, he spoke to you about it. It might be hard to do, but also try to not pry or push. He came to you to come out, so he'll come to you to talk when he is ready. Just knowing you are willing to understand and not just accept is even more so helpful to him. He'll appreciate that all the more and he may not say anything now, but later he will thank you for that. Acceptance sometimes is gained alot quicker and easier than the understanding.

So, yes... He's gay... But, like you already stated... That isn't everything there is to your son so don't always bring it up first, see what I mean? You don't want him to think you are having a total break down about it!

Also, another thing... This site is helpful, very much so... Lots of support and kindness. You'll find that is not always the case. And in your research you'll find that "coming out" is not always an easy or pretty thing to accomplish and walk away unscathed. Please don't let that scare you or burden you in any way. Same with things you may read about relationships. Or say movies or even television shows. Some don't portray it accurately or make fun/stereotype the LGBT community. For instance, the show 'QAF' both the US and UK version don't portray everything in truth. It's more for the fiction and the ratings... The money making aspect.

For instance, my "coming out"... Well, lets just say that I had about 8 long years, if not more, of quite literal hell. If my family had been there and were supportive, things might have been different. There is alot of sadness you'll discover. So, your name on this site fits you well. But, also be proud of you. That you are caring and wonderful enough to save him from so much pain that he could've experienced otherwise. Same with going to the P-Flag meetings... You might hear some stories there that will make you cringe. So, see about getting the husband/father involved, if he is in the picture.

All I can say now is, you are definitely on the right path. Because the next time he comes to you in life... It'll be "Mum, I like this guy I want you to meet." By then you'll be ready to take it in stride. And it would be the same with your other son where you would say "Well, she's nice. But, not for you. Why don't you date such and such?" Only it'll be "Hmm~I don't know if he is right for you. What about such and such, I really like him!" Or it might be you going to him playing matchmaker... "I met the son one of the mothers at P-Flag... Omg! He'd be perfect for you... Please, please will you just go with me next time... Just this one time and meet him? I won't ask you to go again, just this once. If you don't like him I'll drop it, I won't push!" ~_^

Even those conversations will stick with him the rest of his life and mean more than you'd know!