My 12yo has told three friends she is gay - should I warn her of the risks?

I would just to be safe.

 

I think it's a good idea to just let her know gently

 

I would be inclined to suggest merely reaffirming your unconditional support of her, regardless of who she loves.

 

Hi Supportivemom!

I'm falling somewhere in between alerting and letting it be -- more so alerting, but do so in a way that has nothing to do with her orientation, and everything to do with being careful about telling any secret that she doesn't want others to hear.

I imagine that you're asking because you don't want her to feel ashamed about who she is, and is why I would frame it solely about secrets getting out when you're not ready for them to. I don't think it would be a bad idea to use her brothers as reference to make a point that if one of her friends happened to tell her secret (because it happens, but that wouldn't be a trustworthy friend), then her brothers could easily find out because once someone tells a secret, everyone likes to tell that secret.

I think this is a good sign that she is becoming more comfortable in herself and her choices, though. So that's a plus! I think you've got one smart, strong, good head on her shoulders little chick right there. I remember in your last post you were struggling with the information and if you should tell your husband, has she come out to more people, or is it still just you and now these friends?

Aside from that. I know that this is a sensitive subject, and it can be scary. I don't have children, but I can understand the fear of people knowing and bullying her or making her feel bad about it. It's a very real thing, and a real fear, but remember that kids can get bullied for anything in the grades she's coming up on, and it's usually always something! It will be inevitable, whether it's about her liking girls, or because her hair blows in the wind. I believe that, even if the cat did get let out of the bag, if you let her know that secrets can be shared even when you don't want them to, and then stepped back from that and continued to love her and be there for her and be her sounding board like you seem to always be, she will be fine no matter what. Any bullying is bad though, so stay alert and active if anything were to happen no matter what. I was bullied in middle school by a group of girls and my mom always went to town on the school with what they were doing about it. I'm pretty sure it's made me the outspoken person I am today.