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Hey older humans! Help me out?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by carpenoctem308, Jun 3, 2016.

  1. carpenoctem308

    Regular Member

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    Hello adults! I need some advice from you guys. I am lesbian, but I'm asexual (meaning I'm not sexually attracted to people) and I've been considering coming out as Ace (asexual) to them but not lesbian yet and definitely not demigirl. A bit of background on my parents: they are extremely religious (my dad was bishop/pastor over our church for 5 years) and believe in all the traditional beliefs of Christianity. I want to come out as ace but I'm not sure how they will react. Ive always been taught abstinence until marriage and basically that sex is bad but once I tell them they'll probably freak out and tell me how essential and holy sex is especially when it comes to starting a family (something I've never really desired to do).
    What I need is advice on how to approach this so I decided I'd ask some humans of the older generation.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    If your parents hold very conservative views and you rely on them for safety and security it might be better to delay telling them anything. That may seem difficult, but consider how much more difficult it would be if they react badly? Would you want to live with them and endure all of the pain and distress that would follow?

    I would urge you to focus on school/college for the time being and when you have a job and place of your own, come out to them then. Hopefully, by this time you will have made friends with people who will love and support you if your parents react badly.

    Try to see this (school/college and getting a job) as a process towards coming out, so you don't feel despondent about the lack of progress. Telling people about our orientation is not the start and finish of the coming out process, but part of a bigger journey. Try to keep that in mind.
     
  3. looking for me

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    Patrick said everything I would have.:thumbsup:
     
  4. Zen fix

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    If they hold these views I would wait to tell them. Good luck.
     
  5. Shorthaul

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    I would hold off. On both the orientation and not wanting to have kids bit. I'm not out to my parents or my spouse's parents, but both sets were pretty crushed when they found out we won't be giving them grand kids. Thank goodness we each have siblings and they have kids.

    Due to your age, they might try and dismiss it as "just a phase" or "being young".

    However speaking from personal experience, just being a Pastor, does not automatically mean they are staunchly against same sex relationships. I have an uncle who was a pastor for 15-20 years, who one day left my aunt and his two kids to go be with his gay lover. It's more complicated and messier than that, but I didn't want to write a novel.

    We can not judge how your parents will react, so caution is always a solid coarse of action. Pay attention to how they react to this kind of thing when it comes up in conversations in private. They might say one thing in public and the opposite in private.