Does this mean he's gay?

Hello, this is my first time on here and i'm looking for someone else's opinion because i'm driving myself mad with unanswered questions.

I am a female who has recently split with my boyfriend of 2 years (he called it off) and of course there are many reasons that have contributed to the split but I am unsure as to whether one of them is his sexuality.

12 months ago I shamefully looked at his phone and found dating apps on his phone. I asked him about them and he admitted that a couple of years ago he installed them. The reason he gave for them was that he wasn't getting any attention from girls and he just wanted some attention/any attention from anyone but promised me that he'd never met with any men and that he was just looking. The thing that concerned me the most was the date the apps were installed, because it said that they were installed whilst we were together but he was adamant that they weren't and that it must have just been showing that date because the app had gone through an automatic update.

I believed him and chose to move past it and completely forgot about it. For another 12 months we had a lovely relationship (or so I thought because in hindsight there were things that weren't right).

Since splitting we've met up a few times and I again shamefully checked his phone and the apps had re-appeared (it's a new phone since the old one) and so I asked him about them. I asked him if he's gay and he said no and that he thinks he's straight and just likes pleasurable feelings. I know that he does because in the bedroom he would often ask me to use toys on his bum.

I guess people may ask, why do I care? You've split up so move on it doesn't matter but the reason I feel like it does matter is that i've also recently found out that on many occasions he's turned to religion yet he claims to not be religious at all. He lives far away from his family and doesn't have many friends and if he really is in the closet then I worry for him and want to help. I've told him i'll always be here for him and he has said if he ever feels the need to reach out to me that he will do. He's opened up to me a little since the split and maybe i'm the only person who knows this about him? His family are literally "perfect" and I think he feels a lot of pressure from them to settle down with a girl, have children and be successful, so I'm not surprised if he feels he can't come out.

The thing is i'm so convinced that he is but then I wonder how he was able to lie so well. Our sex live was amazing, he constantly initiated it, admired me at every opportunity, we barely went without it and he was very kinky. But could this have been a cover up? I truly believed he fancied me because I don't think he'd have been able to fake that so maybe he's bi?

I just don't know. It's been a couple of months since we've split and for the most part it's been amicable despite me being absolutely heart broken. I'm naturally a caring person and don't want him to hide who he really is.

Thank you for reading, and for any advice you can offer.

 

Thanks for your reply, I think Bi is more likely than Gay, because I truly feel like he fancied me. The sex life tells me he did anyway. I feel like he's really lost at the moment, and I that makes me feel sad for him, I still care for him dearly.

 

I'm still torn as to whether he's on the apps to actually meet with men or just to swap photos with them. He told me he had initially downloaded it a couple of years ago when he was single because he wasn't getting any attention from girls and just wanted it from anyone but never met with anyone from there. Having said that he's downloaded the minute we've split up so he maybe is.

Also, since we've split, we've still been sexting (it's stopped now) and I left some of my underwear at the flat. Anyway, the jist of it is that he ended up wearing my underwear and sending me pictures. I didn't encourage it and I was shocked. He's also told me that he'd like me to use a dildo on him and lots of other things. So yeah, it's strange that since he's dumped me he's opened up to me, I think it's because he knows that deep down I know.

The thing is though, I don't know do I? And I don't know if I ever will.

 

The first time I discovered them and asked him was 12 months ago and it was late at night and he'd just come to bed (he's a Police Officer and works shifts, only been in the police for 2 years so he wasn't actually in the police when we very first met).

It was dark but we were both sat up and there was a lot of head in hands, head down, promising me it was just a phase.

When I asked him a couple of weeks ago it was over text message so unfortunately I couldn't read his body language.

It all adds up to me, the apps, the facial expressions and some things he used to do, wearing my underwear, the dildo and anal, but then I just can't completely be sure because our sex life was amazing and he really made me feel fancied and adored.

 

What does pan mean?

Given his attempts to reach out to a religion I'm worried about how he's feeling. He's not religious in the slightest. So to me I feel like he's really lost. What can I do though? I feel like maybe his mum should know? I know she'd be such an amazing support but at the same time I don't want to abuse his trust. It may help though?