Advice re 10 year old, + camp issue

Wow. I agree with you that it's a concern for a 14 year old to take a sexual interest in a somewhat immature 10 year old. While I don't necessarily put it in the frame of molestation, it is getting close.

I'm amazed by your son's openness. I would focus on teaching your son to be able to set limits for himself. If you remove the same-sex component, it would be just as concerning to have this same age dynamic in sexual activity in a boy-girl situation. Whether it's spin-the-bottle, playing doctor, you show me yours and I'll show you mine type stuff, that's all pretty normal regardless of orientation. It's the age dynamic that is more concerning to me.

 

Wow, your son is very open lol... I couldnt imagine talking to my mother like that at any point in my life lol..

Is your son planning to stay in touch with the boy from the camp?

I would talk to your son and see if it is an issue for him if you do, then you might consider calling the camp. You wouldnt have to be explicit necessarily, but I would be concerned with whether or not the boy will try something with younger kids again, or has in the past. Just a thought.

 

From my own experiences with boys with camp, scouts, and other group activities, this is all pretty common. I wouldn't worry about it.

It sounds like you're a great mom and very understanding and loving with your son. My first sexual experiences were at age 11, though with another 11 year old. As long as your son feels everything was mutual and consensual, then the age difference won't matter.

As for telling the camp, meh. They can't really do anything about it - gay boys will be gay boys.

 

I think informing the camp could potentially damage the 14 year old. They might as well speak further with his parents and, unless you're sure he's come out, get the boy in trouble.

I don't really think he was purposely scouting out for younger kids, it might have just been your son he had a special interest in (I hope that wording doesn't come off as creepy).

If you really feel responsible you could find a way to get in touch with him and exchange a few words, if that wouldn't be too weird for both of you.

 

Hi glowingstar,

I'm trying to think of what I would do in this situation. I think if you take the fact that your son is gay out of the equation and ask yourself, if you had a 10 year daughter who was straight and the same thing happened to her with a 14 year old boy how would you feel? The same standards should apply I would think.

I would be extremely unhappy, personally, and would talk to the 14 year old boy's parents first. However there are issues in doing that for example, if this 14 year old has not come out to his parents, you would then effectively be outing him.

I certainly would tell your 10 year old (I'm assuming at that age he is pre-pubescent?) that hugging and holding hands is okay with someone his own age but he should wait until he is older for anything more. And that doing anything with anyone not his own age is not okay.

That's just my view as a parent of a boy who is 11 and another boy who has recently come out to us as gay, age 14. Actually, my son read your post when he was on this forum and said very firmly: no way would he look at a 10 year old and neither should any 14 year old and that at their age, the age difference is massive. 'Do you know how young a 10 year old looks to us 14 year olds?' he said.

He also said that perhaps it may well be that this 14 year old has not come out and has seen your son as somebody he can try to explore his own sexuality with, or work something out with himself. This, he said, however, doesn't make it right. So you now also have the perspective of a gay 14 year old on your predicament.

Good luck.

 

Being 10 (especially if extremely immature) is too young to be with a 14 year old. Think of it as if your 10 year old daughter was experimenting with 14 year old boys.

I'm not against experimenting, I think it happens more than you think, even at really young ages. I just don't want your son to get taken advantage of. You might need to have a talk with him when it comes to understanding boundaries.