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I need the help of parents of transgender kids

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Kal, Nov 8, 2016.

  1. Kal

    Kal
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    I'm not far off 30 and I've recently come out as trans to my mum (and a few others but the focus for this post is my mum). I'm ftm and told my mum that I want to transition. Her reaction took me by surprise in that it wasn't as positive or supportive as I thought it would be. I'm accounting that to shock, although I am and have been for some time, male presenting. I've obviously done a great degree of research and soul searching and I know who I am so this isn't a case of trying to convince myself at the same time (in other words, I'm old enough and ugly enough to be committed and certain of this choice).

    What I need from you: she simply doesn't understand why I can't just remain as I am. She doesn't understand why I'm trans and how deep rooted that is. I also want her to appreciate that this is huge for me and I'm not impervious to being hurt by words. Can you give me any links to extremely helpful sites and youtube videos that helped you as parents understand and move on from the anger / upset stage? She said she will never see me as anything other than who I have been for the last 28 years, which upsets me because that is not who I want to be seen as going forwards. Any material or links you can provide would be great. Bear in mind she is very intelligent and I want her to get it on not only an emotional level but to be informed on what it actually means in terms of identity.

    Many thanks, Kal.
     
  2. BenFreeman

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    kal,
    I just want to say that this may take some patience.
    You have had thirty years of personal experience. Your mother has none. I believe she will change her perspective and begin to try to understand....if you can just be patient with her shock and incomprehension, and remain available to her. She will only get it emotionally if you talk to her about it again and again. Remember that you have been keeping it to yourself, so she doesnt really know how you feel at all.

    It may be that you are going to have to look to others for support and understanding.
    It may be that she will only begin to grasp who you are long after you have transitioned.

    good luck &
    blessings
     
  3. falconfalcon

    falconfalcon Guest

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  4. tgboymom

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    Hi Kal..

    I've read this several times as it has resonated with me. I hesitate to respond because I don't have the links you asked for, but I wanted to offer some support.

    I'm the mother of a trans male. We just got his top surgery done in September. I can tell you that it wasn't an easy road and there was a lot of turmoil and inner strife regarding this information. His father and I kept that between ourselves though... this wasn't discussed with my son. The lack of information kept us from doing anything about it for a few years so I think you are definitely on the right track by giving your mother information. You might also want to know exactly WHY she wonders why you can't stay the way you are. I couldn't fathom the thought of my child getting surgery MAINLY because of the pain involved. The most difficult thing I've ever done was sit in that waiting room during the surgery. I didn't want the tv on.. didn't want the receptionist talking to me. When she offered music or whatever, I said "No.. I'm trying to listen". I was listening to hear if my kid yelled out or something .. for 5 continual hours.

    Could your mother's anxiety about this be related to the fact that she is frightened for you? It's just a thought.

    Be Blessed

    (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2016 at 06:40 AM ----------

    PS... he is your age.
     
  5. galaxythief

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people