My child came out to me last week as transgender. How do I get used to thinking of my child as a different gender, using a new name and pronouns? My child looks exactly the same, acts the same, as they did before I knew. There is no difference and it is so very hard to use that new name. They are my "old name". Also, they do not want their father to know yet, so I am supposed to switch between names and pronouns when their father is home. When does their new name become familiar? Do you ever stop thinking of them as their birth name?
Your concern is noteworthy, and it is good to see that despite the fact that you are having trouble with this you are trying to understand your child. So, props to you for that. On the other hand this situation can't be about you it has to be about your child. They were always the gender they came to you and said they were. So their behavior won't necessarily change. Depending on your child's age they may begin to start experimenting with different looks as they grow up, and then hormone treatments and new clothes can become an option. It will be difficult switching names when your husband is around and when he is not, but it takes practice. The new name and gender will become very familiar and very easy if you go into this with only acceptance and love for your child. Without those two things you are only hurting you and your child. All in all your baby has just come to you with something very scary and very important to them. It is important that you make it very clear that you will do your best with their identity, and their request of secrecy as of right now. Start talking to your child about it openly and let them explain what it is they want from you, and then do that to the best of your ability. This could make or break your relationship with your child so tread carefully. On the other hand you are a parent, but you are human and have never dealt with this situation before I presume. You will make mistakes and that is fine. It might help to see a counselor. There are countless counselors that help parents and children adjust to this new transition, and they are very helpful. In the end as long as you love your child for who they are, and support them no matter what things will be fine. The next few years are going to be very trying for you, your child, and the entire family; you must stay strong and stand beside your child through it all because they came to you for help and they need you now more than ever. Keep to this and you will do fine. Best of luck!
Welcome to my world, darlin'! When does their new name become familiar? Hmmm..... 5 years or so now and I still have to THINK about it and force it out. It has become a bit easier since my kid's transition got into full swing though. I don't see a female in front of me anymore.. I see a male. His voice has deepened dramatically with the hormone injections and he now grows a beard. All of that helped. Before the transition, I struggled a great deal with it. Honestly, even though my child's name is legally changed, we will be in a rush or excited about something and still use his birth name or say "her". We haven't done it in front of him, only between his father and I. I think it would be harder for us if ours preferred "they" "them". The most important thing is for your child to know that you offer unconditional love and support.... the rest takes time. I do feel ya!! (*hug*)
