Thinking about fostering....

My child has told me so many horror stories of children who are put out by their parents for being LGBT. Maybe this is an empty nest feeling... I don't know, but I was considering taking in one or more of these children.

I only have one spare bedroom, and I know one child isn't enough, but I keep thinking that it's one more child who might be given a bed to sleep in, foster parents who are not going to abuse them, people who will help and support them in school and in their personal life and hopefully give them a leg up in life so they don't end up doing things they shouldn't have to do in order to survive.

I want my intentions to be pure though... and not just because my own child lives so far away.

What do you think?

 

What is considered "not right"? I have a clean home... the child will have their own room and I cook every single night and I'm up at 3am to pack my husband's lunch and make his breakfast anyway so the child would be fed and have a ride to school (I don't do school busses.. my kid never took one and I don't get into it). I'm generous when it comes to buying clothing the child likes (within reason). Is it wrong to ask for a child who has been put out because of their LGBT status? Those are the only children I'm considering .. and mainly because of the things that Jake has told me. It's horrifying to know that CHILDREN..yes.. 13, 14, 15 year olds get put out and have to do things to survive that are FAR beyond distasteful... they are dangerous!! Their chances of an education are destroyed, they fall into the wrong crowd, they sleep on the street or whomever will let them couch surf.. and God only knows what else happens when it comes to drugs. Is asking for a child who has been put out because of their LGBT status wrong? Does that seem... well... odd? If I tell them that my own child is transgender, would that disqualify me?

 

Thank you for the food for thought. My husband is fully aware of my emotional distress concerning not having a child to care for. I haven't brought up the subject of fostering yet, but I suspect he knows I'm thinking about it.

I did some research and what I was coming up with were agencies that were LGBT friendly for the PARENTS! I'm straight, but I feel that out of all of the children who need help, the LGBT kids are going to need it the most. I mean, c'mon, my kid came from a loving family. He as afforded every advantage. He had all his needs met and many, many of his wants met. He was chosen by Duke University to participate in the People to People program so he's traveled several countries with them but the reason why he did not progress as well as other children with the same level of intelligence is because he worked so hard to hide who he is. I don't want that for another child!!! I want them to realize their potential SOONER rather than LATER.

I'm not a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination, but I am a mom and I will be that child's mom. He/She will be fed and clothed, helped with homework, included in family outings and vacations, pictures to be hung on the wall with the rest of the family etc.

We don't make a lot of money anymore, but I really think we can get by just like most other families.

I do know that many children left to be fostered have suffered a great deal and that does worry me, but if I can get that child on my husband's insurance, we will be able to get individual and group therapy. If I can manage to find a F-M transgender child, I will have to most experience since we've been through this before. We'd be understanding of the changes and the hormones and the "packer" thing (and yes, that took me a bit to understand).

I just want to help. I don't need to find a child who is in the system either. There are parents who are more than willing to send their children to live some where else so the state doesn't have to be involved!!

I'm going to talk to my son. I think it would be good for him to have a brother. I think my son may know some kids who are in immediate danger and can use a good home as well. My husband well.... we have an Italian saying "he's like a piece of bread". He's easy going, helpful, more than willing to do the "runs to the store" and "runs to drop off and pick up" and all of that miscellaneous stuff.

I want to also mention that we used to take in kids when their parents threw them out for other reasons. My one rule is that I speak with their parents and make sure it's ok that they are with us. Most were like.. keep him.. he's no good, he's lazy, he's a rotten kid...................... and we'd find out that the child was the complete opposite!! He just needed love and attention.

Yes.... let's keep talking this out if you folks are up to it. It's so peaceful here! We have chickens and cats and a quiet home in the middle of 5 wooded acres.. it's a safe place.

---------- Post added 10th Dec 2016 at 04:58 AM ----------

That's my point, iiimee.... LGBT kids are more likely to get into things that other children may or may not. I don't want to see a kid prostituting themselves for a meal!!! I want that child to know that God loves them and made him/her in His perfect image.

My motives: To keep these kids from being put on the street when there is a HOME... a REAL HOME and REAL family they can belong to. Maybe they will be taken care of for the first time since their parents found out about who whey are. My motives are to have a child live in a home without fear. I would be hoping to slow their roll into a lifestyle which would prove detrimental to their future.

I'd rather not go through the system where child support is paid for them. Setting an extra plate or packing an additional lunch won't require much addition to a grocery bill and they will get things they want when we an afford to do so. In return I would expect some respect with that person having the knowledge that I've been through this before.. albeit, too late in my child's life... but I want to redeem myself by helping another youngster during a time when the help would mean to the most.

Did I explain it well?

 

Oh, I don't have a problem with any race and I'm very aware of the many murders of the black trans females in this country. I would want a child who would be comfortable with us. I think it would be tremendously interesting to have a child from another race or culture. I get so fascinated!

From what I understand, the transition from m - f is much more difficult for a teenager. My kid has told me that hormones don't do for trans females what they accomplish for trans males... hair growth, deepening voice, increased muscle mass... so it would be a new learning experience.

To be honest, if I did get a child who is in the system and that child was reunited with their parents into a healthy home, I think that would be great! Sometimes putting some space between them gives them all time to understand one another. I would be left with the satisfaction of knowing that I provided a safe, loving home for that child when it was needed.

I mentioned this to my husband.. about fostering. He is concerned about the stress of dealing with a damaged/abused child. I'm talking about an LGBT child who isn't damaged or abused... but unaccepted. My husband has two gorgeous black nieces that are living dolls and he brags on them so I don't think race is an issue for him either, but that is something we should discuss. Oh heck.. it took us time to accept one another just because I'm from the north and he's from the south!!! lol

We have more talking to do. For the last several days I've taken to painting the living room, entry way and hall so I could hang the gifts that Jake made me onto nice, fresh walls. The spare room doesn't need painted and has furniture and a good bed and even a leather loveseat. I would just need new bedding.... something neutral until of course the child decides how to decorate the room. That was so much fun with Jake when he was young. OMG.. I know I've said it before that Jake is an artist... when he was 13, we canvassed his walls .. top to bottom so he could draw on the walls and we could save it when it was full. Stuff like that is fun to me!

I have more research to do and maybe make some phone calls and see if I would need fostering classes...etc. I need to have all of my ducks in row before making any decision.

I can't help thinking of how nice it would be to have a kid at the dinner table again. Or a kid to shop for and with..

---------- Post added 15th Dec 2016 at 06:54 PM ----------

Oh... I also talked to Jake about it a little bit. I don't want him to think that he wouldn't continue to be #1 in my life and he won't think that way unless our wills suddenly change. LOLOL Come to think of it, Jake and his partner have taken in other trans people to try to help out in the last 9 years, so he understands where I'm coming from. He also knows that I'm lonely without him. There's no replacing Jake... he's a part of my very soul but let's face it, I won't be getting grandchildren. I've given this a lot of thought and I think that most mothers look forward to that next step, but he has told me that he has absolutely no interest in having a child. Maybe that's where this feeling is coming from. I don't know... but would it be bad if it was that fact and the emotion it creates that was giving me the idea to foster?

 

You just gave me an idea! Instead of looking at the typical foster care systems, I might try to call LGBT support organizations. They must be inundated with kids who have been disowned.

There are plenty of more qualified people who can handle the mainstream foster children. I know I'd have a difficult time dealing with abused children who have developed behavioral problems because of it. LGBT kids are just that.... LGBT. They aren't damaged. I know my limitations. There are lots of people like me who would not be able to care for children of abuse situations. I'm ashamed that I'm not strong enough, but there might be something I can do to help for these other children.

My husband just got a new job a month ago and doesn't get insurance for another 2 months. I believe with an LGBT child, I'd need to be able to get them on insurance.... especially a Trans child.

I know I could never be a substitute for their own parents, but they would be loved here.