My 10 year old son likes a boy!

It could mean that he's bisexual, could mean that he's curious, could mean he's gay, could mean he's figuring it out, could mean he's looking for a reaction. You can honestly never tell. And you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out for him. My advice is to not react at all. The game hasn't changed. Let him know that whoever he chooses, that you expect him to respect himself and respect whoever he chooses to be with. But whoever it may be, there is no need to "come out" because you will accept whoever he brings home to meet you. Kudos to you and your husband for being open minded about it though. You guys deserve a pat on the back

 

Hello jessie81,

First, welcome to EC and thank you for being such a considerate and loving parent that you are seeking input directly from the LGBTQ community!

Second, when we (LGBTQ people) Come Out to our parents, it is usually one of the most emotionally significant events in our lives. (At that moment that we Come Out to someone, we are revealing a very personal and private part of our lives and it leaves us feeling very vulnerable as we wait on the reaction(s) of the person/persons we are telling. In the case of parents, we are so dependent on them for their unconditional love and support that, even if there is only a minuscule chance that they may reject us for not being 'normal', it can be overwhelming traumatic just to tell them.) If he says that he is bisexual, then take him at his word. Even at age 10, it is completely possible that he understands his own sexuality. In the longrun, ONLY he can know his own true sexuality. As parents, the very best thing you can do is to be supportive of him and continue you offer your unconditional love.

Now, as a Bisexual man, myself, I have to honestly offer two possibilities to you. He may very well be bisexual. Please don't confuse bisexuality with monosexual concepts. If he is truly Bi, he may have a preference for guys or a preference for gals, but he would generally be romantically and sexually attracted equally to anyone to whom he felt such attractions. If he happened to currently be attracted to a boy, that doesn't make him gay. He'd still be Bi, it would just be that he has a same-sex attraction.

However, sometimes, gay people first identify as bisexual to their parents either because they are still not completely sure of their own sexuality or because they think that their parents will be more accepting of a bisexual child rather than a homosexual child. Again, only your son can know his own sexuality, so please just take him at his word about this and try to go with the flow.

To help you out, I would recommend that you check out the PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) website. You can find a local chapter that is hopefully nearby. They help to answer your questions as the parents of an LGBTQ child and they should sponsor support groups for parents of LGBTQ children. In addition, I would recommend that you download and read their booklet: Our Children.

I hope some of this helps. Please continue to interact with us here on EC!

 

QuantumReality gave some great advice :eusa_clap

I don't have much to add to it, but just wanted to thank you for being such an awesome parent. Your son is very lucky! I hope that you continue to be supportive of him, because it's very vital that he knows that whatever he chooses to do with his life, whomever he chooses to be with, he knows that he's accepted at home, and that he has a great support network.

I would also like to inform you of the 5 stages of acceptance/grief, which you may go through, not necessarily in this order, and it can even jump back and forth between two or more: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Whatever you are going through, just remember that we here are always willing to listen and offer our support and advice. You are awesome! (*hug*)

 

It could mean anything. I doubt even he knows. He's 10, he barely knows himself yet, so don't worry about it too much. Just continue to be supportive in any way you can. He will probably need the support eventually.

 

I'm female, and I first noticed my attraction to other girls around the same age as your son, but I told my mom about it and she was not nearly as accepting as you. She didn't believe me, told me it was a phase, and made me feel very confused and awful about myself, so I ignored it for several years. I am now 16 and am figuring out if I am lesbian or bisexual, and am ready to accept myself. I think that you reacted perfectly by telling him you support him no matter what, and I know that coming out for boys can be much different than girls, but I definitely would've preferred that reaction initially. I think that it is important that you never tell your son that he doesn't know, or can't know yet because of his age. That sounds pretty simple, but even said with good intentions (like soothing him if his sexuality is causing him problems like bullying or a broken heart by a guy) saying such things can be detrimental even though they may seem harmless. I'm not saying that your Son definitely isn't straight, as everyone is right, only he can know for sure. But as a young person I would say that not giving it too much attention is the best way to go because it is his journey and that is the approach that my dad took, and it really helped me to accept who I am after my experience with my mom. Let him come to you, as it sounds like he has been (which is great, and shows that you're doing something right) because figuring everything out can be very overwhelming and hard in adolescence, and you want to make sure not to add to the pressure that he's probably already feeling inside. It sounds like he's got a good grasp on who he is already, and that's good. I wish you and your son the best of luck in all things!

 

He could be curious or he could be pretty sure, it's hard to tell at that age. I knew for sure I was gay at 14, but I know a lot of kids know sooner than that.