1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Wondering about terminology / phrasing

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by DadOfBisa, Jan 27, 2017.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. DadOfBisa

    DadOfBisa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SanFranCaliFrisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    My son is 14, so this is nowhere near immediately significant, but like any parent (I would think), I picture what my kids' weddings might be like (if and when they happen to get married). But it made me wonder about a few things.

    Obviously, things like "bride and groom" can easily be "groom and groom" or "the happy couple", etc. But other typical terms and phrases are not quite as clearly adaptable.

    For example, in a stereotypical "traditional" wedding, the couple are "pronounced 'man and wife' ". But if there are two men and (obviously) no wife, what exactly would (typically) be said at that point? "I now pronounce you man and man"??? (Doesn't sound right at all.) "I now pronounce you husband and husband"? "I now pronounce you husbands"? (Eh...) "I now pronounce that you are a married couple"??? (Sounds too clinical / legal / boring / weird.) How about "I now pronounce you totally fabulous!!! :newcolor:"? (Too much?)

    I was also thinking about when the couple is introduced at the reception (i.e. for the "first dance"). Again stereotypically, someone would say something to the effect of "It is my privilege to present for the very first time, Mr. And Mrs. Tim and Lisa Jones". Regardless of whether or not one of them 'takes' the other's last name, how would that typically be phrased? "...for the very first time, Mr. Erik Jones and Mr. Devin Smith"? (That doesn't sound any different than from before they're married.) "...for the very first time, Mr. and Mr. Erik Jones and Devin Smith"? (Still sounds strange.) "...for the very first time as a married couple, Erik Jones and Devin Smith"? (I'm thinking the last one sounds the best of those three...)

    And what about a counterpart to "bridal suite"? Would it be "Groomal Suite"??? That doesn't quite sound right, but I guess it would do...

    Like I said, none of this is going to be significant for quite some time (and the only part that really matters to me is: :kiss:), but why are so many terms and phrases so damn heteronormative!?!?!?!?
     
    #1 DadOfBisa, Jan 27, 2017
  2. YeahpIdk

    YeahpIdk
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2015
    Messages:
    967
    Likes Received:
    104
    Location:
    East Coast
    Because society is heteronormative!

    You're sayinnnall these alternative phrases sound "strange," but I don't think they do. I think they justbsound different from what we're used to hearing in such a heteronormative world.

    Whether I married a woman, man or someone who is genderqueer/non-binary, I think I'd like to be announced as life partners or something similar. Saying I now pronounce you "man and wife" has an awkward feel for me. What does that even mean? Why is he the man, but I'm the wife? He gets to be his human self, but I am the thing that is the relationship? I am just his wife? It's not only heteronormative language, but in my eyes (or ears :slight_smile:), sexist.

    I think a lot of the other wording you've used sounds perfectly fine;
    Mr. and Mr. Devin Smith, or separately like you put before. A lot of same sex couples will take one person's last name.

    And why not just suite, or marriage suite, or honeymoon suite? Again, bridal suite feels like it's incredibly sexist in origin. Like, that's the place the woman is "deflowered," so it is her suite to finally turn her into a bride, therefore a wife. Yucko.

    All the other ways to address a same sex married couple sound perfectly nice. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 27th Jan 2017 at 03:35 PM ----------

    Ugh, typos.
     
    #2 YeahpIdk, Jan 27, 2017
  3. I'm gay

    I'm gay
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2016
    Messages:
    1,751
    Likes Received:
    809
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There are no rules that say any of those traditional things need to be included at all. "I now pronounce you husband and husband" isn't necessary in any way. Instead of a pronouncement like that, the person performing the ceremony can simply say "Congratulations, you are now married." or any other statement to indicate the ceremony has concluded successfully. No "pronouncement" is even necessary.

    I think if we want to get rid of the heteronormativity in a gay wedding, we just simply change the wedding and toss out any and all the rituals and create our own.

    The only thing that's really obligatory is the vows, and it's easily made either both male or female, or even gender neutral. Anything else is optional and customizable.

    Oh, and this:
    Perfect! I love it.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
    #3 I'm gay, Jan 28, 2017
  4. bunnydee

    bunnydee
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2016
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I was thinking the same as the other posters. I have always thought with weddings and most everything hetero is just plain sexist.

    I think a wedding doesn't even have to be called a wedding. That to me is the total best part of it all - We can make it whatever the hell we want it and have our flair and uniqueness included.

    Don't get bogged down in the traditional. When the time comes, talk about it and what his and his partners dreams are - there will be your answer.

    I know if I ever get married again - it will be what I have dreamed of and I never had the traditional dream anyways. Absolutely hate 'wife' 'wifey' all of that... I love flair, so I will have a Flair Affair :slight_smile:
     
    #4 bunnydee, Jan 28, 2017
  5. Lynz

    Lynz
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2016
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    27
    Location:
    Glasgow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When i got married in 2015, the registrar said "I now pronounce you wife and wife". It was AWESOME!!!

    At our reception, we were introduced as "Mrs & Mrs *second name*". Also AWESOME :grin: :grin: I LOVE being Mrs & Mrs!

    As for anything else, or what anyone else thinks about it all, I truly could not give a flying fuck!!
     
    #5 Lynz, Jan 29, 2017
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)