I'm pretty sure that my 80-year-old grandfather is LGBT... help

How very interesting, does he know you are gay?

I always feel bad for the older generations of LGBT people, they had things so much harder than we do today.

 

Sorry, Dude. SHOULD he know. YES! But straight guys often don't really want to recognize that their 'buds' are gay even with all the evidence in front of them.

Don't ever assume. Unless you've talked to him or told him straight-up that you are gay, don't assume that he knows or accepts it.

 

Hey Miaplacidus,

I was in the closet until I was 50 years old. I didn't play games and marry anyone in the meantime just to 'satisfy societal norms,' but I think I understand what your grandfather has lived through and how tough it had been on him.

I would pretty much guarantee that your grandmother knows that he is gay (or at least Bi, with a preference for men). That doesn't mean that they never loved each other or that they don't still love each other. But loving a close and dear friend is different from loving someone to whom you are sexually and romantically attracted to, as you should very well understand.

At this point, I guess what I would ask is why you are concerned with your grandfather's sexuality. Unless you want to Come Out to him (perhaps in the hope that he will return that honor), what do you wish to gain by pursuing this?

Just my thoughts.

 

First, Miaplacidus, I didn't say nor imply that you were 'pursuing' anything.

Second, it seems like your main concern is about what the rest of the family - especially your mother - may feel about it if/when she learns about her father's sexuality.

So, I would ask two things (to yourself, no need to answer to me as an outsider). Do your really think that your mother doesn't already know? And, can you simply 'cover' for your grandfather by erasing his Netflix viewing history?

I guess most of this is about what you think should happen and want to happen within your own family. So I would just throw this out there for you to consider.

 

Well, then, you seem to have a choice.

You can simply delete your grandfather's Netflix history and play it off as a technological error if anyone notices.

You can confront him directly, but sympathetically (he knows you are gay, right?) about his Netflix history -and show him how to delete it himself.

You can ignore the situation and see what happens.

Just my thoughts.

 

In my opinion, all of this is none of your business.

You have no idea of any of the following:

1. Whether or not he is gay.
2. Whether or not his wife is aware.
3. Whether or not he knows or accepts that he is gay (assuming he is).
4. Whether or not he is bisexual but has chosen a hetero life.
5. Whether or not he made knowing choices for his life.
6. Whether or not he has suppressed his feelings or just accepted his life as it is.
7. Whether or not he even wants to confront this in his life.
8. Whether or not he and his wife have already dealt with these issues.
9. Whether or not he may actually be out to his wife but chose to remain married to her.
10. Whether or not he would be angry at you for stirring up a bee's nest.

Quite simply, I think you should stop thinking about all of this and take care of your own life. At his age, what would be gained by you meddling into all of this? I know you said you're not telling anyone, which is good, but I suggest you leave this alone.

Just my opinion. ride:

 

If presented with this scenario. I would pick a day to be alone with him for a long time if it took a long time and sit down with my grand pa and and explain to him your situation of being gay and see if you can get him to tell you how he is sexually orientated .Maybe this can be all figured out and you will have a better relationship with him after all has come out.
Then you can also explain to him how to take care of his account and delete things that embarrass other people who are not able to bring there mind to come around to think about people being GBLT the way my wife is.Good Luck .and remember just love him as you do not have much time left.

 

My heart is breaking for this man! Think of the life he must have lived in his past. I think if you come out to him, it may give him some courage.

 

Youtuber, Wickdkool (did I spell that right?), recently did an interview with that 90 year old man who came out as gay. Perhaps, you could somehow show him the video and ask him what he thinks about it without letting him know that you know? There's no sex. Good luck.

 

my 5 cents worth bro i totally get here you are at, it must have been a shock for you! Its really evident that your love your grandparents and wouldn't want to hurt them. I can only speculate that that your grandmother knows, she has been married to your grandfather for how long? Maybe this is not your fight. I think you are jumping the gun when you assume that your grandparents marriage is a fake because of your suspicions. If I was were you, I would delete the history of what your grandfather watches. There is so many different perspectives here that is really unseen. How would you feel if your mother already knows? how would you feel if your grandmother knows but turns a blind eye?

My only suggestion to you is to first engage in a bit of empathy and get to know your grandfather first before you judge his marriage then walk a few miles in your grandfathers shoes before you get too cocky with your assumptions as there is so much you dont know..

I guess you are wanting some answers If he is 80, and growing up in the 40's, 50's and 60's homosexuality would have been a criminal offense and probably sent to get shock treatment. (it happened in our country) Imagine living with that all those years and now you have discovered this. I wonder what life has been like for your grandfather, what he has seen.

 

While I agree with what others here have said that it is your grandfather’s business and he is entitled to privacy and you don’t know any of the particulars I nonetheless think that it might be worth a thought to try reaching out to him. A lot of families practice not talking about what lies at the core of the relationships, about what is really going on and what is important because everybody is so tied up in family routines and all that comes with those.
I have only known one of my grandparents, and only slightly. I wish I’d had the chance to get to know them. From my viewpoint it would be sad if you never got the chance to talk to him on this subject, the chance to get to know his story. Who knows, maybe he would like to talk about it, maybe not. And while he might live for many more years it is also possible that there is not much time left. And you might regret not having tried. And I think this should be between you and him, and not about his marriage or your mother.
That’s just my thoughts.

 

I think this is a good suggestion.