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my 13 year old brother might be asexual?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Dezzysgurl, Feb 21, 2017.

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  1. Dezzysgurl

    Dezzysgurl
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    So I am gay. I'm not out per se, but at the same time I'm nowhere near in the closet either. That said, I've been outed to my parents and it's not gone well at all. I live in a conservative, Catholic house.

    Lately I've noticed some changes in my brother that I thought before were just him being a gentleman, but lately... I'm not sure? Like when my mom was dancing in the kitchen the other night, and swung her hips, he got reeeally uncomfortable and wouldn't look at her. He also dislikes when I say the word sex, or just generally mention being intimate with someone outside of a platonic relationship. He has no interest in girls, or really in anything other than friendship or kinship with others, and refuses to look at girls when they wear anything slightly revealing.

    Again, maybe he's just still in that "girls are icky" phase. I totally get that. The only reason I'm even beginning to question if he really is, is because he's almost 13 and he's hit puberty. Is he ace? Should I encourage him to explore himself? Is he just not ready for girls (or anyone) yet? I don't want to plant an idea in his head, but at the same time if he is, I'm about the only ally he's going to have until he ends up some place like this. My parents are already hinting that it's about time for him to show interest in others romantically. I just... I want to support my brother without forcing him in to anything. Does that make sense? Any advice is welcome I guess...
     
    #1 Dezzysgurl, Feb 21, 2017
  2. Tijopi

    Tijopi
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    13 is still pretty young, he's probably just not interested at his age or hasn't really been exposed to it yet. My family are atheists so I have no idea how your family would feel about asexuality, but I don't think it's really seen as a problem. I've only recently experienced anything similar to sexual attraction at 19 and at the worst of times, people either ignored me, said it just hasn't hit me yet, or were wildly confused by it. I didn't mind these reactions and none of them were spiteful- just confused. If he chooses not to get a girlfriend, that's generally seen as acceptable and he can even get away with it by saying he likes girls without having to date one.

    There is, of course, the possibility that he's gay as well since homosexuality has some evidence of being genetic. Now that I'm questioning myself, I've come to learn I'm not the only one who's considered asexuality as my orientation. Given your family being opposed to homosexuality, this may increase that possibility since he may be repressing his feelings for men (and then of course he has no feelings for women) thus he ends up in a sort of middle ground where he thinks and/or acts like he likes neither.

    Once again though, I think it's merely a matter of his young age. Give it at least a couple more years. He may have just not met the right girl yet, especially if he hangs out with an all-male friendship circle.
     
    #2 Tijopi, Feb 21, 2017
  3. Spot

    Spot
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    I think he's definitely too young to know for sure. I'm not saying he's not asexual but he's 12 almost 13 and that seems it's too early to tell. At that age, I did have a sexuality but felt far too awkward discussing sex and romance. And I always felt embarrassed when my mom danced around the house :lol: But anyway, I'd just drop hints that you're accepting of the LGBT community, like commenting on current events or maybe a TV show like The Fosters. I think you should just answer any questions if they come up but like you said, don't force him into anything.

    You're a great big sister by the way, it's good he has someone looking out for him :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Spot, Feb 21, 2017
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    Highly unlikely that what you're describing is an indication of asexuality. Far more likely that he's just a typical 13 year old who is perhaps just beginning to connect with his sexual self. Far more likely that refusing to look at girls is simply a normal discomfort with the sexual feelings he is beginning to experience.

    I would suggest not introducing any concept of asexuality, as this will simply needlessly complicate things, in the same way that we don't tell someone with an infection due with a splinter that it could turn into gangrene. Possible, but very remote.

    I think your best route is to simply let him be.
     
    #4 Chip, Feb 22, 2017
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