10 yr old son: is he gay?

I think he is either gay or bisexual, but honestly you never know. He's definitely old enough to understand his feelings towards others, so I'm sure he at least is considering his sexuality (whether he knows it labelled as gay or not). I think for now you should just keep listening, but always respond fully - let him know he's being heard. If you ask him it may feel very sudden and shocking to him; it would probably be best for him to come out to you naturally and when he feels ready. However one thing you said: "I just want him to know how loved he is and that his feelings are ok, whatever they may be" is very smart and caring. I think next time you have the chance, just bring that up. Remind him he is always loved no matter who he is or what he likes, without bringing up the topic of sexuality itself (so he knows it's okay, but doesn't feel pressured to discuss anything).

You sound like an excellent mother and I hope everything works out!! <3

 

You're doing great as you are, i think. Just listening to what he says and taking it as it is, not batting an eye or resisting it. So many parents are either flat out against it or don't believe their kids can really know unless they've had some sort of romantic experience. Ugh. Idk about boys, but i was in middle school when i first noticed the signs. So like 11-12 ish. So he is approaching that age, and i have heard that late elementary kids are 'dating' nowadays. Lol they weren't back in my day! All that happened in middle school when i was a kid. But despite me noticing i was checking out girls not boys at like 11 or 12, i was totally confused and perplexed by it - my mom is a conservative and a christian, you see. But i think even with a loving, accepting, parent there is a real chance he might not understand his feelings either. My opinion is to just take it as it goes, it sounds like your doing great so far since he's so open with you.

 

Honestly, Phoenix1230,

He's not too young to know his own sexuality.

At the same time, ONLY he can actually know what it is. It says a TON about your parenting that he is so open with you about his attractions at this point in his life.

I would STRONGLY recommend that you just go with the flow. His journey to understanding and accepting his own sexuality is one that only he can take. You can't do anything more than simply provide your unconditional love as a parent and be supportive of him.

I would offer you the following: Perhaps check out the PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)here. You can hopefully find a local chapter to support you and answer questions, if he actually is gay. You can also find a really good booklet to download that they publish here.

Just some thoughts.

 

Hi Phoenix1230,

I definitely knew I was gay around your son's age. It's not unusual at all. What is remarkable is his nonchalance in discussing it with you. It really does speak to your parenting with openness and acceptance that he is comfortable enough to tell you. Bravo for that!

I echo QuantumReality's advice to just go with the flow. Continue to be unassuming about gender and be the loving and accepting mom you obviously are. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. You won't.

Take care. ride:

 

Hi there! I think that you are an amazing mom for being so supportive and kind to your son. You truly are accepting of him, so I think that if he actually is gay, he will have no worries to tell you. I think that maybe when he is a bit older, talk to him and just remind him that you love him a lot, and that it doesn't matter whether he likes a boy or a girl. Thank you for being so amazing!

 

My only concern is that in the future he might get a bad reaction from someone if he continues to talk about boys and how cute they are. Maybe you could tell him a bit more about your experience dating someone of the same sex and how others could negatively react to it if you haven't done that already. You have also mentioned that you have aunts who are gay and that he is very close with them, so you could ask them to talk to him about their experience dealing with homophobes. The other possibility is to wait until something happens but, of course, that depends very much on the environment. My concern is that if something like that happens at school, he could end up labeled as gay and lose friends or start getting bullied by other students because of it.

My opinion on this is that you should get him familiar with the problems that LGBT people face in society before he's had any experience with it. If he's gay or bi, then that's great, he will know that you support him no matter what; if he's straight, he will know what not to do right from the start. Either way you both win.

 

10 isn't too early to tell, I know quite a few gay men that knew at 4-5 years old they wanted a husband. When hormones and puberty kicks in are when he'll likely know for certain, but honestly, everyone is different. Some know at 5 and they're gay for life. Others at 25. If he's talking this way, it seems likely that he already has figured out who he's into and who he isn't.

Other than that, just continue to support him, let him know if he ever needs to talk, he can. Otherwise, just be involved in his life. As much as you want to "coddle" (for lack of a better term) kids often want/need to find their own way, and learn about things through their own personal trial and error.

 

In my opinion, your son is almost certainly gay. I plead with you to consult with people who are knowledgable in this area BEFORE you discuss it with him .

 

It's very possible.

No, I don't think ten is too young of an age to know. I'm not exactly sure when my awareness on my sexuality first started but, I do remember being in 1st grade and coming to the realization that I may be what was called a 'lesbian', after I came to realize that I liked a classmate's mom. I vied for this woman's attention and I always would compliment her.

I wouldn't ask him, if I were you. It may shock him or cause him to feel pressured. Let him give you his answer in his own time. You say that he's close to his two gay aunts. It's a possibility that he's already voiced it to them. Respect his privacy and try not to pry. Allow any confidences to remain confidential. You can however ask them to look out for him. You've already being doing a great job with him. He's able to openly voice his crushes without fear of reprisal. Continue raising him in this same warm and loving environment and I'm sure he'll do just fine, regardless of how he ends up identifying.

 

Just to add a different flavor here, I personally didn't know I was interested in boys until maybe 13 or 14, though it was definitely a gradual realization over a few years. Some people sometimes don't realize they are attracted to the same sex until their 20s, or even much later in life also (though that is more rare). Everyone is different, and has a unique way of discovering themselves. The best job you can do as a parent (and it sounds like you are already doing great btw!), is to let him continue to discover on his own. Nothing you say or do is going to change the outcome, contrary to what some people might think. I wouldn't worry too much about it, just keep doing what you are doing and see how it progresses as he grows older. Perhaps if he continues to talk about boys with you, you can continue to be there as someone for him to talk to about it by seeming engaged without being over-curious and concerned. He could also just be trying to see how you react to what he says for fun, or is seeking attention in some way. Only time will tell honestly, but showing your support of him no matter what will never hurt.

 

I don't think you can know for sure. Everyone's experiences are different. I had zero idea about sexuality or anything until I was about 15. And I can honestly say it isn't because I didn't realise or something, I just never thought on these matters or found anyone attractive at all till then.

 

Thanks for reaching out <3
I personally started questioning when I was about 12.
I know that some transgenders have known they were born in the wrong body since a very early age (even before grade 1). I think it's very possible that he could be gay, although things can change. Maybe it'll change, maybe it won't. Best to just wait and see

 

As someone who is 21, I'm young enough to roughly remember being 10. 10 year olds are smarter than people give them credit. If they're really little kids, sure you might question if they really know. But if your son said he had a crush on another boy, that sounds like he's most likely bi or gay. For me it was hard because I have a low Libido and didn't know what being "gay" meant until I was 11. I didn't start to question my sexuality until I was in high school. However, if he know's he has crushes on people, I think he knows that he's gay or bi, but might not know the technical terms. My sister's best friend knew he was gay from a young age. I know it's hard since discovering you're bi and discovering you're gay can be a completely different yet similar process.

I had friends who came out around 12 or 13 and both suspected that they were gay in late elementary school.

 

Hello Phoenix1230. When I was young. I realized I was gay when I was around 6 yrs. old. I remember that I have this unusual feelings towards guys but I prefer women as a company more of like in the area of friendship. I realized then and there that I find guys attractive and appealing but I wasn't expressive to my family due to the stigma of being gay in the community and around the family. I was always bullied and teased back then because people find me gay due to my seemingly "feminine" attributes. And there were a couple of times my mother saw a stash of cut out men underwear models and I was scolded. I had close ties with friends who were predominantly girls back then. But I didn't realize that I was really gay back then, I just knew that I was different.

I think possibly your kid is gay. But continue to listen to him, kids go through this self searching mode, even though the environment is supportive. They will go to stages of exploration, denial and acceptance. Let them evolve but let them also know that you support them no matter who they are. Not necessarily ask them directly like, "Are you gay?" Maybe just express your support with subtlety but also clear enough that they know they are accepted.