How to handle same sex sleepovers now? My daughter is pansexual, leaning towards lesbian. Basically still discovering where she fits. I am accepting of her sexuality, whatever it may be. Although, I am still in the phase of figuring it out as a parent. And this is my current dilemma. She is 15. Has several long term friends that have slept over so often since grade school, and are straight, I don't give it a second thought. It's the newer girl friends that I don't know etiquette for. Knowing if they are LGBT or straight? Is there a romantic relationship interest there? Does the other girls parents know my daughter is bi? Do they know their daughter is (if she is)? Sure I ask my daughter. And I like to think she would always be honest with me, but she is 15 and I am the mom here. I am not new to teenage hormones, lol. I don't want to ban all sleepovers. But honestly I do not have a good plan in place for addressing this.
Well, I'm 16 and a lesbian and my mom doesn't mind my sleepovers with my LGBT friends. My girlfriend's mom, however, does not allow her to sleep over unless there is another friend or friends accompanying us. Which I think is a good tactic. But my mom does ask who is not straight and who is but she does not care. As long as someone else is accompanying my girlfriend and I, we can have sleepovers. I believe you should try that. Good luck! ^-^ And good thing you're an open parent about these things.
Honestly i like Artition's idea of having 2 friends sleepover at a time. That way your daughter is covered as are her friends and you have the option to not be invasive or question them about their sexuality...which they might not even be open about anyways.
I do feel that is a good solutuon. She currently has a crush on a girl that is bi, and they hang out just about every day after school. She hasn't slept over, but my daughter has stayed there a couple times, prior to me knowing she had a crush on her or that she was bi.
Hey Ellenaj, Welcome to EC! Another suggestion would be to have the sleepover in a common room (family room, living room, den, etc) or require the door to be open if they sleep in a bedroom and let the girls know that they will be randomly monitored during the night. In terms of the sexuality of your daughter’s friends, you should always feel free to ask her that, but if her friends aren’t Out, she may not give you an honest answer (rightly so because it is not her place to Out anyone else, either). If one/some of her friends are Out to her, but not out to their parents, it’s not your place to Out them to their parents, either. Likewise, you should never Out your daughter to anyone else (including friends parents) unless your daughter says that it’s o.k. to do so. Until/unless the conditions are set that you can talk to other parents directly about it, you may want to restrict her to sleepovers at your house or insist that basic minimal conditions be set at the other person’s house (such as insisting that there be at least three or more girls for the sleepover – no two-girl sleepovers). Just some thoughts.
Yeah, my girlfriend had slept over mutiple times when she hadn't come out yet. But when she came out, rules emerged. And similar to your daughter, my girlfriend and I hang out after school everyday before we go to work. My mom and I talked about having the door open and such but that did not work out because my girlfriend is quite allergic to my dogs and my dogs loveee her. So we compromised. No sleepover unless accompanied = door can be closed one on one without the sleepover. So if they happen to become a thing, it would be good to tell her the ground rules. - No sleepovers one on one unless there is a third person. - Door open or closed to which ever you guys come to - Privacy and no hovering. - Open for discussion on future events or matters. My mom loves knowing about my relationship and how my girlfriend is doing, and quite frankly is very pro-LGBT. So, I must say there are baby steps that must be made. I did not have these rules when I was younger and dating a girl because we were not 16 and at 16 we all know, hormones can kick in a little and sexual tension can rise. So my mom was not worried back then but now that I am 16 going on 17- and my girlfriend is 17, rules have shifted. Now, I advise you take those little steps and don't enforce them harshly. Be open for change. Hoepfully she gets the jist. But having that security of a 3rd party member at a sleepover is helpful to keep things innocent and neutral.
My suggestion would be to allow the sleepovers BUT they would take place in a common area such as living room/parlour/family room as to eliminate privacy and always a chance of someone walking through.
@Quantumreality. Thanks. That filled in even more blanks for me. Etiquette with other parents etc. Appreciate that and all the advice from each of you. Feel more at ease with this and how to set some boundaries that are consistent.
Thanks Artition and Plainoldme, very helpful. I am willing to work with her on ground rules. See what works, etc. I feel much better prepared about approaching her with ground rules now.
My 13 yr old FTM transgender child "N" (recently socially transitioned) had a sleepover recently. The male friend in question has been a friend throughout the transition process so has known my childs journey. I wasnt and am still completely unaware of the sexual preferences of my kids - thats not really my business, but we did have a brief but serious conversation that went like this: Me: "So - some would consider me negligent if I didnt at least ask the question before Zac sleeps over..." N: "ughhhh what?" Me: "Is there any kind of sexual vibe between you and Zac?" N: <laughing> "ewwwww - no!" Me: "Ok - fair enough, but you understand I had to ask dont you?" N: "Yeah - that makes sense, but seriously Dad - not on the radar!" Me: "All good then - You know it doesnt matter to me which way your preferences go. Just be sensible!"
