Last year at 12 years old my brother was watching gay porn. I found the history and freaked out. I did NOT see him being gay. Not even slightly. I approached him and told him to stop. He didn't. My parents found the history weeks later and talked to him about how it was wrong. Oh and they don't know about me... But anyway this is about him. When I asked him why he was watching gay porn, he said it was because other boys at school told him to watch it. I don't see how that would be possible because 12-13 year old boys are even more judgmental and bullying about homosexuality than teenagers and and adults. I think he just made it up to cover up the fact that he was curious. I just don't understand. Is there any possibility that he isn't gay? I don't know what other reasons a 12 year old boy would want to look at gay porn. I just feel terrible in every way. Part of me looks down on him. I know it's super hypocritical considering I am not straight. I'm not even over my own issues, let alone his. And I don't want him to feel like he is messed up or screwed up. I feel bad saying this but he would have such a difficult time in the gay world too. He isn't typically gay in any way. He is already naturally dorky and being gay just adds even more difficulty to overcome. This is so stressful to think about. Maybe its just a phase. For his sake. But IDK how many (if any) straight kids that age develop that kind of interest. I have yet to talk to him about any of this with him... And to do it would probably break me. :icon_sad:
I would say if he's watching gay porn, he is probably at the very least curious about it, but at 12 I think it's hard to say for sure if he's gay. Only he would know that. But straight guys don't usually watch gay porn. I do think however (and please don't take this the wrong way), that you confronting him like that wasn't a good idea. If I were him I would have been completely embarrassed, and maybe even feel ashamed. I wouldn't want to make him feel any worse then he already does if he is in fact questioning himself. It sounds like you care about him A LOT, and i'm sure you want to protect him, but I would just think about how you express it. You don't want him to feel ashamed or like it's wrong to have these thoughts. Because then if he really does need someone to talk to one day, he might not feel comfortable talking to you. If it were me, and my brother, I would sit down with him and talk to him. I would tell him that I am always there to talk if he needs it, no matter what it's about. The best thing you can do is open yourself up to him. I wouldn't try and beat it out of him if hes gay or not, but just let him know your there for him, and let him know he can come to you if he has any questions weather it be about sex, girls, guys, things hes feeling, drugs, anything. And let him know that no matter what he's your brother and you care about him. Also, about him not being "typically gay", honestly I am pretty "straight" acting and not exactly the stereotypical gay/bi person, and I think it's no harder for me then anyone else. In fact I think a lot of other people have it much harder. So I wouldn't really worry about how he acts. Just be there for him. That's really the best thing you can do. And let him come to YOU when hes ready to tell you if hes gay or not. Don't force it out of him. Good luck!
It sounds like you really care about your brother and don't want him to have to go through any unnecessary hardships, which is awesome on your part. However, weather you hope your little brother is straight or not is ultimately irrelevant. He either is or isn't and there is nothing you can do to change it, so you might as not even worry about it. Instead I would suggest supporting him either way. Let him know that you are there for him weather he is into girls or guys or both. At this point, even if he is gay, he may have himself convinced that he is straight (like myself at that age). I think the most important thing for you to convey is that you would accept and love him just as much no matter what. And if you are still concerned about the sites he is going to, remind him that they are 18+ for a reason. Straight or gay.
Well if he is gay he needs your support. If this was my brother, I'd sit him down and tell him that if he was gay/bi/whatever that I still loved him, and I'd support him no matter what. Then I'd smack him upside the head for watching porn at such a young age, point him in the direction of some non-porn resources, and tell him that I wouldn't say anything to anyone.
I agree with Cloudbreaker and inevertoldyou. He is or isn't gay. You can not change that and your approach ("stop it") was, forgive me for saying so, plain wrong, at least for this reason. By stating that you don't approve of his possible homosexuality, you are only showing that you are not someone he can count on and even worse, you are undermining his confidence before he has even started developing it. Don't worry, in a hetero-centred, homophobic world he will not end up thinking he was gay if he isn't. And in any case, it is much, much better for you to tell him that you support him as gay even if he turns out to be straight than it is that you push him to be straight if he's not. He'll have enough of that anyway. Be there for him, love him and make sure he knows it and accept whatever you get from him. His life will be tough or not, but that will not depend on who he is attracted to, but how society accepts him for it. In that society, a sister is a huge part.
To be honest, a lot of your post sounds to me like it is, after all, more about you than about your brother. It's possible that he was just innocently curious, but I would say that at 12 years old you're starting to realize attractions to people, and if he's willing to explore gay porn, then there's probably some less-than-hetero dimension to him. To what degree, exactly, only time will tell. For now, though, I'm interested in the way you talk about your brother and his prospective future. You don't want him to watch gay porn, you're second guessing his explanations about why he was watching it, you seem to assume he'll feel "messed up" if he explores this (whether or not it's natural for him), and you even broke out the "maybe it's just a phase, for his sake" card. You talk about "the gay world," as if there's only one and it's the same for everyone. I have to wonder if, on some level, your thoughts have less to do with him and more with grieving for your own situation. Now, granted, I don't know you, your brother, or your family, and it's very possible that this will inevitably make things harder between him and your parents. It's also possible that with two gay sons, your parents (and family at large) will be forced to accept this, or that at least you'll have your brother to lean on in the future, and he'll have you. I would start to think more about yourself and your own situation, and what you can do to promote your own self-acceptance. This would probably be a good thing to do before you talk to your brother, as you already seem to suspect. But try to look at it as a good thing - this doesn't have to be about two people suffering in silence. Instead, it can be about two brothers leaning on each other for support and acceptance, even if the rest of the family doesn't provide it. Imagine how much it would have helped you to have a sibling who understood.
You are all right. Can't change what he is. So I need to not worry over that fact. As for my instant reaction and telling him to stop, it wasn't me saying to stop being gay or anything. I never assumed he was gay or asked him. I just meant the porn thing. That is just too young in my opinion but also, that was something that he was going to get caught and in trouble for.
Oh fcol... Assumption is mother of all f*ck ups, right? I apparently saw your profile picture and didn't look at the gender identity tag; an unforgivable mistake here at EC. My apologies, BZ4591.
