Hi everyone! Jeff private messaged me and asked me to post it publicly so he can get advice from several people. Thank you for taking the time to offer suggestions! Becky- My name is Jeff and I found this website while franticly searching for advice to discuss my son’s sexuality. While looking over the threads I noticed that you have given great guidance to those in need and I hope you will assist me. I wanted to post this on a thread so that I could get several different perspectives about the situation but I am not very computer savvy and had no luck. So if you could copy and paste it or something that would be great! Ok here is the situation. My son (who is 14 years old) was grounded from his phone and going outside for lying to my wife and I. While I had his phone I decided to look through it just to make sure everything is good. While going through it I came across messages where he is telling a friend that he thinks he is bi. This happened after another boy came on to him via messages and my son was told him that he is “curious”. We should not be shocked by finding this because last year a caught him looking at gay porn, but he passed it off as just looking. Here is my dilemma, although I really feel that I can come to an acceptable place with his decisions I do have some questions. He has just started hanging out with a new girl that has introduced him to the other gay kids. From the research I’ve done looking at these kids they are horrible kids to be around. I am not saying this because they are gay but because they smoke, drink, curse, and are just not well mannered good people. I need to know how to handle this without my son getting defensive about his sexuality but understanding that I would not want him around ANYONE like this. My other question is do I bring it up or do I wait for him to tell me? I have to address him drinking with these kids so I feel like he will know that I have an idea of what’s going on. I have to tell you that I have my own demons when it comes to Homosexuality. You see, from ages 5 to 11 I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused by my mother’s husband. He forced my brother and I to do things that will be with me forever and unfortunately I associate that with being gay. I realize that this is not the case but this is how I am now due to the trauma that I have been through. I’m not sure how to handle this very big situation. Also, I will tell my son that I love him unconditionally, and except him for who he is because I do. However, I really don’t want him acting on his feelings at this time due to the pressure he will be subjected to. I do not want to be around it until he has finished high school. How do I handle this?
