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Old 7th May 2012, 05:14 PM   #1
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Default Found my son looking at gay porn

Apologies in advance for the long post.

A couple of weeks ago I found my son (almost 15) looking at gay porn. This was after school in the afternoon, I went into his room and found another ipod so I picked it up to ask about it (he'd bought it off a friend from school as it had a cracked screen) and when I touched the screen which was black, it lit up and then hey presto, all these links to gay porn sites came up.

I was so shocked I just walked out of his room with the ipod and into my room. When I had settled myself I then looked at the ipod to see what I could see historically. Not really knowing how to operate it, it looked like he had kept its history deleted and what was on the screen was all I could see.

I have tried to be reasonable with him in the past about internet usage and have been monitoring his usage so I was angry about him finding a way around that. That he had a hidden second ipod specifically for this purpose really pushed my buttons. However I am also aware that I am in new territory here and I do not want to force him into something he may or may not be, so I tempered my anger.

Once I got over the shock, I talked with a trusted family member about it and was reassured that he is still the great kid that I know and love, I pulled him aside and told him that we both know that all I saw on that Ipod was gay porn. I told him that my preference would be that he was not gay, that that was not how I pictured his life, but that whatever he chose I would support and would still love him.

Since then I have struggled to work out how to talk to him about it. After making calls to some help lines, reading a few threads here, I decided to just keep reassuring him that whatever he is, is okay with me. Poor kid was so embarrassed. I also reiterated the predatory message about online porn, and mentioned that I had found youth support groups that were available if he'd like to think about that, along with other websites that aren't just about pornography. I also asked if he'd like to talk with his other sibling, he said no, and also asked that I don't either - which I will respect.

His mother and I are divorced, she is now in a same sex relationship, and while this may sound like a great resource for him, it's not - the reasons are so long and compounding. Neither he nor his sibling will talk with their mother and I am left having to liaise with her and protect both of my kids.

I would like to know what more I can do?

Specifically,
1) he has on his online profile that he "likes" a couple of gayteen things on FB, amongst a million other things he likes - should he leave that on there considering how gay phobic school can be?
2) how do I know which people to trust? I know this may be offensive to this community but this is new to me. What I mean is that as an adult I have a pretty good bullshit meter but my son is a bit immature and niave.
3) porn - do I allow it or not?

Thanks.
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Old 7th May 2012, 06:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

I don't have a lot of advice or anything to give you, and I apologize for that. But I would like to say THANK YOU!!!! You seem like a really wonderful dad! I can honestly say that I wish my dad was as kind and supportive as you have been for your son. I know that it makes a difference for him. It can be a scary time, and I think you're handling it beautifully. As far as porn goes, I think it's okay, unless it becomes an obsession or starts to interfere with his life. Definitely keep being there for him though. I know I would die for my dad to be as loving as you!
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Old 7th May 2012, 06:03 PM   #3
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

Hi, and welcome.

First... I know this is a really difficult time for you. While you're son's no doubt been feeling these feelings and coming to grips with it for a while, it's brand new to you, and so the shock is something that is difficult for everyone.

Second... congratulations on being such an amazing dad! Many of the teens here aren't lucky enough to have a father as supportive and accepting as you are, so your son is really lucky. In spite of the fact that it's hard for you, you've said exactly the right things and handled things in about the best way possible.

As for your questions:

1. about his Facebook: It's probably OK for him to be 'liking' the gay teen things, but it depends in part on the part of the country you're in. These days, the majority of teens are pretty accepting of gay people except in really backwater religious parts of the country. And most school systems have instituted policies against bullying and other negative behaviors. My guess is that if he's comfortable enough to have that on his Facebook, he's aware of the potential ramifications of people seeing that and is OK with it. (It may be his way of 'hinting' to friends and others that he is gay.)

2. People to trust: No, you're not offending anyone. Online predators, particularly for gay teen boys, are an enormous problem. That's one of the reasons EC has such strong security precautions is to help keep this community safe for teens. The reality is, if he's talking on IM, in chat rooms, or almost anywhere else online, he will probably run into one at some point or another. So the best thing is to communicate. He will probably be less than delighted to talk, but I think if you can just be as open with him as possible and suggest setting some clear boundaries. I'd describe the problems and ask him to suggest what some good boundaries might be, rather than telling him what they should be. For example, sending naked pics or masturbating on webcam (both common teen activities) are not wise because those pics or videos can and do end up places he didn't expect. Having explicit sexual conversations with people he isn't absolutely, positively sure who they are (i.e., seeing them on webcam) isn't wise. Meeting someone in person is unwise unless done in a public place and he knows for sure the person he's talking to is "real". Those are common-sense things that will go a long way toward keeping him safe.

I'd also tell him that no matter what happens, he should feel safe coming to you about any problem or concern he has, and that no matter what, you won't get angry but will help him deal with the problem and then deal with any consequences.

I'm making it sound worse than it is -- there are lots of normal, healthy, well adjusted gay teens out there, but the main thing is simply to reassure him that you support him and want to help him make wise decisions.

3. As for the porn, sorry to say, but the reality is, whether you allow it or not, he will find a way to have access to it. So I'd have an open and honest conversation about it... again, I'm sure it will be a bit awkward, but if he understands that porn is fantasy, and doesn't accurately reflect what mature sexual relationships look like, and that you hope his focus will be on developing meaningful friendships and loving relationships, that's about all you can do. You can also suggest -- though it may not do too much good -- that he will be better off in the long term if he uses his imagination and fantasizes rather than watching porn all the time. Actual addiction or problems that come from watching porn are pretty rare and generally only an issue with people with extremely addictive personalities, so I wouldn't worry too much about that aspect.


You may also want to mention safer sex and how, even though porn generally does not portray safer sex, it is really important because HIV and hepatitis aren't curable, and transmission rates among teens is at an all-time high.

Finally, see if you can get him to join EC. This is a great community where he can get questions answered, get good, sensible advice, and find the support for the feelings he's having that he may not know who else to talk to. And I and the rest of the advisor team are available to talk to him (or to you) one-on-one if there are any questions that are better discussed in a less public setting.

Good luck to you, and if you're so inclined, let us know how it goes.
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Old 7th May 2012, 06:19 PM   #4
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

You know, I had to think rather hard about how I would respond to this. My first reaction was to criticise your initial response, when you said that you would prefer he not be gay. Then I thought back on my mother's initial reaction (which was terrible for reasons which were, at root, of a non-homophobic nature) and how supportive she has been since then, and I decided you needed more credit. Good job on keeping a well tempered reaction, reassuring your son that you still love and support him and for seeking help from trusted third parties. Your extensive efforts to make this painless for you and your son are truly commendable.

I wouldn't worry about things he likes on Facebook. It may be a sign that he's somewhat out at school, or that he's out as an ally, and besides that it's highly unlikely that his classmates are paying much attention to what he likes, let alone what they themselves have liked on Facebook. Although there is a chance that he will experience some form of stress resulting from homophobic classmates, even if it is indirect, those couple of pages are nothing that would provoke that and having him remove them from his Facebook would not protect him from those experiences.

You can probably trust the staff at his school, especially guidance counselors and potentially administrators and teachers depending upon their attitudes. You can also trust PFLAG, an organisation compromised of parents, family, friends and allies of the LGBT community which is dedicated to helping parents and children alike. You can trust the staff of this forum, who are all very wise and dedicated individuals. There are certainly others as well, who I'm sure will be mentioned in other posts.

Concerning porn, I don't know. It's completely your call. I would not make a move so drastic as to put him into therapy for it or anything like that, because I doubt he has such a serious problem with it. Most people don't. It seems that you haven't allowed porn in the past, so I assume you have a justification for that. If you are uncomfortable with him watching porn I would explain (or re-explain I suppose) that reasoning to him and emphasise that you are not punishing him for watching gay porn and you are not mad about the type of porn he was watching, but that he had broken an established rule. I think that's reasonable. Of course, don't be surprised if he finds a way to watch porn anyhow.

I hope this has helped. I wish once again to say that you're taking this marvelously in stride and I hope that you are able to find the support you need in order to make your family comfortable with the situation.

Last edited by Steve712; 7th May 2012 at 06:21 PM..
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Old 7th May 2012, 07:13 PM   #5
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

The people above have already covered what I wanted to say, so I'll just throw in a couple little things:

- With regards to people to trust... it isn't offensive to this community. But think of it this way, people he "shouldn't be associating with" are no different whether they're straight or gay. Sexual preference is no substitute for common sense; obvious negative influences will be there no matter who they like.
- With regards to porn, since he lives under your roof, technically it's your call. But as your son has already proven: the vast majority of people look at porn at some point or another, whether "banned" or not, especially if they were questioning their sexuality. I'm not saying you should let it free-roam or anything, but if he's going to be looking at it anyway... putting less of a negative view on it may make things easier. But again, your call.
- You mentioned your past with your wife, and that's not my business to pry into (though I'm sure if you shared, someone may have insight). Anyway, you said that it is your job to "protect" your kids, and as a parent, you're right. But keep in mind your kids (like all kids) have to grow up at some point, explore, make mistakes, etc. It's easy to let your judgement be clouded by past events; just watch that you aren't being overprotective.

Otherwise, welcome to EC.
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Old 7th May 2012, 07:31 PM   #6
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

facebook: telling kids what they can or can't like will only make them go underground and set up a dummy page you know nothing about which will be full of other stuff that is probably more extreme than "liking" something. possibly have a talk to him about that fact that you love and accept him but not everyone will and he can be judged initially by somethign that really isn't anybody's business unless he wants it to be. so as he is just discovering himself, its a good idea to just get to know himself before potentially setting himself up for homophobic teenage kids. not saying he should be encouraged to go into a closet, but he shoudl use caution

who to trust: gay or straight, he can't really trust anyone. so there are creeps in both sexualities. but you need to probably talk to him about sex and about male hormones and how they are different or can be differnet than female hormones. males in general can be lustful and there arent the same kind of barriers that women have up in terms of wanting more of an emotional attachment before a physical one. again, these are generalities but they pretty much hold true that dudes will just get it on and figure out the emotional stuff later and girls are somewhat oriented the opposite way. therefore, he may have many guys trying to get physical with him becuase they think its "fun" and then he will get dumped. this can be traumatic for the burgeoning gay youth. so as long as he is aware of the games guys play to score sex, he will be better on guard.

porn: whether you allow it or not, he is going to watch it and obviously he proved this to you by your discovery with the ipod. if he doesn't watch it at home, he may even start acting it out in real life with his "friends". and i can assure you, if he is "liking" gay teen stuff on facebook, there's a great chance that he has some other gay or bi guy friends and there's also a chance that there's an opportunity to experiment or a desire to experiement. in my day, we did not grow up with computer and ipod. there was no readily accessible porn. i remember "porn" was considered watchign cinemax or hbo where they would have the movies on late at night that kids shouldn't see. now you can just get it on your iphones. my point is, think back to when you were a kid. you were probably masterbating to mom's victoria secret catalogue bra section. im sure your parents did not supply you with it and pat you on the back for a good wank, but you did it anyway. so my point is, whether you "allow it or not" he's gonna do it. masterbation is a normal part of sexual discovery. who knows, maybe this is a phase. kids today are far more open to try different stuff sexually then in my years. there's more openness to gay but some kids jump on the bandwagon for a bit and then jump off. who knows. anyways, just talk to him about safe ways to explore sexuality and masterbation is one of them and leave it at that.

and for anybody that wants to rip you for any comments you made. that's their issue not yours. you are a single dad, trying to raise a kid and his mom is a lesbian and has a strained relationship with the kids and now your son may be gay. i would say that under the circumstances you are doing a great job with seeking information out, letting him know he's loved, and trying to find out a way to help him. so maybe someone coudl have taken offense to something but hey, someone is always going to be offended about something. you are learning. kids can't just decide not to be gay just the same as you can't decide not to like women anymore and marry a guy.

Last edited by insidehappy; 7th May 2012 at 07:38 PM..
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Old 7th May 2012, 07:49 PM   #7
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

Thanks to all for your input. I will mull over your advice, and most likely take up the opportunity to attend a PFLAG meeting. There's so much to think about!! And yes, I admit as a teenager I was in pretty much the same place with respect to porn and having a wank etc. - I didn't advertise it and would have been mortified if caught.

As for my ex, I am (partly) taking my cues from my kids. There's enough evidence that has been seen by me, my kids and third parties to demonstrate that the best place for my kids is with me. Yes, I accept that for my kids their relationship with their mother will affect them for the rest of their lives, for me I don't care for her anymore and I can move on. But what do you do when the other parent is continously damaging?!?! At some point you say enough, the priority is the kids - then everthing has to be seen through that lens first.
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Old 7th May 2012, 07:56 PM   #8
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

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Originally Posted by Steve712 View Post
You know, I had to think rather hard about how I would respond to this. My first reaction was to criticise your initial response, when you said that you would prefer he not be gay. Then I thought back on my mother's initial reaction (which was terrible for reasons which were, at root, of a non-homophobic nature) and how supportive she has been since then, and I decided you needed more credit. Good job on keeping a well tempered reaction, reassuring your son that you still love and support him and for seeking help from trusted third parties. Your extensive efforts to make this painless for you and your son are truly commendable.
Thanks and yeah, I have questioned myself on whether I should have said it that way. With 20/20 hindsight I wish I had not talked of my preference for him, and just said that if he was gay that's okay with me. It's true and it neither negates his feelings or my own - lesson learned!
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Old 7th May 2012, 09:01 PM   #9
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve712 View Post
You know, I had to think rather hard about how I would respond to this. My first reaction was to criticise your initial response, when you said that you would prefer he not be gay. Then I thought back on my mother's initial reaction (which was terrible for reasons which were, at root, of a non-homophobic nature) and how supportive she has been since then, and I decided you needed more credit. Good job on keeping a well tempered reaction, reassuring your son that you still love and support him and for seeking help from trusted third parties. Your extensive efforts to make this painless for you and your son are truly commendable.
Thanks and yeah, I have questioned myself on whether I should have said it that way. With 20/20 hindsight I wish I had not talked of my preference for him, and just said that if he was gay that's okay with me. It's true and it neither negates his feelings or my own - lesson learned!
I actually liked the fact that you did what you could to stay true to both yourself and reason and logic. To let him know where you stand shows that you are both stake holders in this matter and you work together to achieve a happy median. Any relationship, including that of the parent-child, takes work for the involved parties to live in harmony and safety so that both can enjoy their lives, learn, and grow together.
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Old 7th May 2012, 09:11 PM   #10
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

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Thanks and yeah, I have questioned myself on whether I should have said it that way. With 20/20 hindsight I wish I had not talked of my preference for him, and just said that if he was gay that's okay with me. It's true and it neither negates his feelings or my own - lesson learned!
Hey, thanks I appreciate that you tempered that. It was a worrying reaction, but I think you've more than made amends. We really appreciate all the straight allies who come here and care so much for their kids even though our sexuality as kids sometimes comes out of left field.
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Old 8th May 2012, 06:23 AM   #11
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

All I can say is that if it wasn't gay porn, it would be heterosexual porn. Kids at that age are going to watch porn regardless of their sexuality.

You're reaction is completely normal though, you're just a concerned parent. You sound like a really good dad. Sorry for the lack of advice...
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Old 8th May 2012, 07:05 AM   #12
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

As tempting as it is the try to "do something" at this point, I think the best thing to do here may just be to not do much at all, at least in terms of pressing yourself onto him or asking questions

I was in a similar situation with my parents back when I was about 14 or 15 and my mom found links to gay porn on the computer (which I thought I had deleted but I guess I overlooked some of it). When my mom called me out on it and started asking questions, my most immediate and natural reaction at the time was to shut it all out, deny everything and hope she goes away, because well, I freaked out. If your son's anything like me, that was probably how he felt too and I know that the only thing I wanted from my parents was just time alone, for them not to judge me, criticize me, or ask questions I wasn't ready to answer. I froze up and tuned it all out so much that I honestly cannot remember a single word she said anymore or how/when she finally left but I gave every excuse in the book to get out of trouble and became totally disoriented for a couple of days. Luckily she didn't press on about it.

I'm not out to my parents at all, but I know my parents aren't idiots. Most likely they've decided to sweep it all under the rug and let everything be until I'm ready which may be never, but I do appreciate them giving me that space and time. My mom isn't the most gay-friendly person and we've had plenty of brief conversations on why "gay" is such an evil (maybe that's her way of hinting to me she doesn't want me to be gay) but if she really knows about me, I hope she'll just let me be. I've had and am still having enough trouble on my own figuring this all out and how I'm suppose to live my life.

Like someone before me said, kids watch porn at that age and they're always find a way to do it, especially with the way technology has advanced. I don't believe it's unhealthy unless your son is becoming some kinda weird porn addict or is starting to make his own. From the sound of your son's Facebook, it seems like he's pretty chill about being gay or whatnot because if he was really closeted, there'd be no way he'd be that open about it on Facebook. You should keep an eye out but don't try to do anything that would give him the impression you're trying to tell him what is or isn't acceptable. Let him make his own decisions but teach him responsibility so he'll make better ones.

Hope this helped

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Old 8th May 2012, 02:43 PM   #13
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

As a 20 year old, been away from home for 3 years and not out gay... I think I can appreciate your son's position as well as your's as a responsible level headed adult.

Clearly you are a great dad. You are trying really hard to understand, which is really all you can do.

However, you have found this out, ou have had the talks etc. I would really leave it at that. Don't meddle too much. Even when you think you are being helpful it will embarrass him more and alienate him... The support groups, he'll find himself. Porn, he'll probably find a way too watch. When i was growing up, my parents taught me to be level headed, think with common sense, be sensible and respectful. If you can teach him these values in everyday life and you feel you can trust him as a mature adolescent, then you should be able to trust him to experiment with his sexuality responsibly. And yes, that might mean he looks at pornography.

If you respect your son as an adult, you will begin to respect each other as equals, rather than father son. and that is a much better place to be as he enters late teens. My dad and I got on so much better when my mum moved out and we started living together more like housemates than father/son. We looked after each other. I still haven't told him I am gay though. I hope he will be as understanding as you are.
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Old 8th May 2012, 04:02 PM   #14
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

Thanks PT and JohnT. Best wishes to you with your respective families.
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Old 14th Aug 2012, 07:22 PM   #15
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

An Update

Three months on and I am not that much further along the road. Just tried to keep things level.

I have taken some advice and left things as they stand. I have been watching the Olympics with my son and when I have known an athlete to be Gay I have commented in a positive way on their skills and dedication. I'm pretty vocal about other things so its not too obvious (e.g. why do half of them look so pi55ed off winning silver?).

We have talked about porn and how it can be a bad thing to become so used to it and miss out on actual real relationships.

His mother continues to be a completely selfish controlling b1tch and so she is of no use at all.

As yet I have not been to a PFLAG meeting, but have been to his school to talk with his year advisor. She knows he is Gay and she keeps an eye out for any bullying that may occur at school - so far so good.

All in all, I feel more comfortable with his sexuality. He's a great kid, becoming a great young man. He stuffs up here and there but who doesn't.

I am not sure what else I can do at this stage?

Cheers....Condor.
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Old 14th Aug 2012, 07:57 PM   #16
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing everything right. You're keeping the channels of communication open with him if he feels he wants to approach you. You've taken measures to make sure he's safe at school without being overbearing. You're slowly settling into the idea that he's gay and that it's not a big deal.

I don't think there is much more you need to do. Just keep being awesome; your son will thank you for it, one day.

Though, if you want something to do, I would suggest hitting up a PFLAG meeting. I'm sure it would be helpful, either to provide you with information you didn't already know or to give you insight from other parents who are/have been through what you're going through. Hell, you could even be the one at the meeting teaching the other parents how to be awesome parents! That would be the one big advantage to getting advice at one of those meetings rather than on EC; there are likely to be many more parents with similar situations to your own, rather than all the people here who are closer to your son's situation. Different perspectives is usually a good thing.

I think so long as you keep being open with your son and keep up the mentality that being gay is no big deal, you're going to do absolutely fine.

I also think you'll find that to some extent, now that the "bomb has been dropped" and he's out (to you, at least), life is pretty much going to return to normal. When people say that being gay doesn't define them, this is precisely what it means... they share a piece of information with someone they trust through "coming out", but then that's all there is to it until something significant happens (i.e. he gets a boyfriend). So just carry on as usual.

P.S. You can swear on these forums if you want, it's not censored nor really frowned upon.
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Old 14th Aug 2012, 09:13 PM   #17
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

One thing I really have to say is back off from talking about porn with him! Trust this from someone his age, talking about porn with your parent has to be the most awkward and uncomfortable thing in the world.

I, personally, think it was wrong for you to look at the iPod in the first place. It's a big pet peeve of my when parents snoop on phones, iPods, etc. My mom is constantly getting onto my sister's Facebook and Twitter, even going through her messages which Ifind very wrong. If you had a reason to look onto it, that'd be acceptable. But you saw it and proceeded to go through it. The iPod was, in my view, his way to get to things without you knowing. I, myself have many ways to bypass my parents, my iPad, my phone, unused accounts on our comouter that are never looked at, etc.

It's great that you still love him and all, but there are some other...invasive things I read. Talking to any relative about finding gay porn or him being gay is wrong, imo. You should've went straight to him. All in all, to me, I think you're taking the role of the overly-active-LGBT-parent, tone it down a bit. Don't always bring LGBT things, like athletes in the Olympics. Other than that I think you're doing decently good.
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Old 14th Aug 2012, 09:40 PM   #18
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

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Originally Posted by Condorman View Post
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Originally Posted by Steve712 View Post
You know, I had to think rather hard about how I would respond to this. My first reaction was to criticise your initial response, when you said that you would prefer he not be gay. Then I thought back on my mother's initial reaction (which was terrible for reasons which were, at root, of a non-homophobic nature) and how supportive she has been since then, and I decided you needed more credit. Good job on keeping a well tempered reaction, reassuring your son that you still love and support him and for seeking help from trusted third parties. Your extensive efforts to make this painless for you and your son are truly commendable.
Thanks and yeah, I have questioned myself on whether I should have said it that way. With 20/20 hindsight I wish I had not talked of my preference for him, and just said that if he was gay that's okay with me. It's true and it neither negates his feelings or my own - lesson learned!
I don't want to tell you what to do as i'm not a parent, but it may or may not be worth considering verbally taking this statement back. A few throwaway comments (usually only very mildly negative) regarding homo/bi sexuality (like for instance the suggestion that bisexual people don't really exist) by my father here and there when growing up has left me absolutely terrified of letting on that i don't mind the cock even to this day, even though i know he would be fine with it (if a little off put). Fear of disappointment is infinitely more frightening than fear of retribution. And by extension, i am still not out to anyone in my family for fear of it getting back to him, even though he's as meek as a kitten, relatively open minded and completely mild-mannered. I wish i weren't so cowardly, but i mightn't have been if it weren't for the little throwaway comments.
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Old 14th Aug 2012, 09:53 PM   #19
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

BCB

Totally disagree. There is a lot of weird stuff out there on the internet, one element of that being predatory behaviour. If all I do is mildly embarass him in the comfort of our home, then so be it. I don't ask what turns him on etc., rather that its natural to be interested in sex but be careful, and that there is more to it than just the physical act. Same conversation I had with my daughter about being active sexually eg. condoms, pill etc.

With respect to ipod, again disagree, the ipod I looked at I was confused as it was not his ordinary ipod - he has had a minor history of theft so that's why I looked at it NOT to snoop. It was an accident that I saw the porn, but when I did, should I have just ignored it? Rhetorical question, don't bother answering, I will always say yes.

As for talking with another relative, this is someone I trust implicitly. I was confused and still am to a degree. I am lucky in that I have some of my (generation) family I can talk to about anything, and its moments like this when you NEED them most. I needed to get my head screwed on straight before I talked with him.

---------- Post added 14th Aug 2012 at 09:03 PM ----------

Pseudojim...I can't unsay something. I am okay with how I handled it, but with 20/20 hindsight I would do it differently.

I take your point about the throw away lines. My stepfather used to shout at sporting events "you so and so poofta.." kind of thing in the 70's and 80's and he was absolutely mortified when his second son came out to him about 10 years ago. To this day he is ashamed of himself for those lines and the effect they would have had on his son.
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Old 14th Aug 2012, 10:08 PM   #20
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Default Re: Found my son looking at gay porn

But I'm looking at it from his perspective, it's awkward and uncomfortable whenever a parents brings up porn or sex. Any 15 year old whether they're gay, straight, bi, pan, trans, whatever, with ALWAYS find it uncomfortable. If all he does is go to porn sites and watch porn, etc. then I don't feel like he's in any predatory danger. If he goes into Chat Rooms, then you have the right to worry all you want, as you have said that he's naive. I go into chat rooms all the time, but I can handle myself in them.

As for the iPod, saying something about a history of theft would've been helpful. Very helpful. And I don't care if it's a rhetorical question, I'll answer it anyways: it was wrong, you checked the history and THAT is where the snooping began. Besides, as the Apple Junkie that I am, the only way you could've accessed the iPod would be if he had just used it and it was on a lock timer. If not then you had to have unlocked it and went into it.

But still, he may have not been comfortable enough with his sexuality for his dad, let alone another relative, to know. If you were confused then you could've come onto here or found someplace else first. I know if someone in my family did that, I'd personally hate them.
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