For those of you coming out to your parents or who are about to, I just want to give you some insight into what your parents are most likely thinking and feeling - even if they don't realize it. I hope this helps... As a new parent to all of this, you have to understand, while your folks do (or will) accept you for who you are...we will be taken slightly a back initially (even those of us who vocally and emphatically advocate for equal rights). Understand, the nature of the typical brains of parents - when you are babies, we glimpse into the future. We see our kids happy, healthy with normal trails and tribulations of every teen and young adult. Then we see them with spouses (in the traditional sense) and our grandchildren running around. When our child comes out to us, we instantly fear...fear for our child's safety, happiness knowing it isn't going to be the easiest path, and yes, we fear our vision of spouses and grandchildren have just evaporated...yep, you got it, we will make it about US for a little while. With thorough thought though, most of us do come to realize that you coming out doesn't necessarily mean death to 'OUR' dream - it simply means that it shifts a bit from our original "traditional" envisioning. To get to this stage, however, it may take us a day, week, months, and for some-years to even recognize, internalize, and understand the confusion we, as parents, are facing. We also tend delude ourselves into believing, since we raised you, we obviously know everything about you. You sort of rattle our self assuredness when you contradict what we THINK we know about you. When we, as parents, can ask ourselves and start answering, "Why am I upset? Why am I worried? Why does this bother me? Why should it? What am I REALLY worried about?" THEN acceptance starts becoming complete. It will happen for your parents but please be a little patient because you, doubtlessly, have taken many, many moments to think about what is going on in your life and emotions but remember, your parents -your protectors by proxy - will need a moment as well. They WILL come around.
What I forgot to write in my above post is: Do not try to change or hide who you are from us. You be you and be proud of who you are, who you are becoming, who you want to be, who you will ultimately become! It is our job, as parents, to realize our issues are OUR own issues, not yours.
When I'm in a rush I usually don't log onto the forums, but I really wanted to reply to this. I just wanted to say that I think it's awesome that you posted it. I've actually been thinking the last couple days "Hmm, we seem to be getting more and more parents popping by lately" and then "Sure would be nice if they could stick around and give some of their insight onto our concerns", so I find it funny that you posted this today. Most of what you posted isn't really a "surprise"; we can pretty well guess this is what accepting parents have to deal with. But the thing is, we have to guess this information, predict with our best knowledge... for a lot of us, we've never actually heard it right from the source. So for me personally, it means a lot to have it "confirmed" from someone actually on the receiving end. It eases my mind a bit, y'know? Same goes for coming-out to people (not necessarily parents): I'm pretty sure that while my friends were fine with it (like they said), they probably had a little bit of adjusting to do for what they thought of me. But that's not something I should have to ask them (since they're my friends, so I "trust" that they're okay with it when they say they are), so I don't. Having someone like you voluntarily quell the concerns/personal insecurities that I otherwise wouldn't bring up is pretty cool. So yeah, thanks. And hopefully you do stick around for a bit (not to pressure you or anything)
I just wanted to thank you for posting this thread. You're an awesome mom and your son is very very lucky to have you and beyond that, you're a wonderful human being. There are so many teenagers out there, struggling to accept their sexuality, fearing that they're parents may disowned them for being gay, bi or transexual. Thank you for the hope you're giving them that they're not doomed to disappoint their parents and that even if every things won't necessarily go smooth, they at least can get better. Take care, Cécile
I'm really glad you posted this. I am always interested in getting views from different perspectives. It helps to make the big picture more complete. This post helped to fill in a lot of small gaps in my perspective in ways that I can hardly even explain to myself. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for posting this, it's great to have some insight in the way parents feel about it! And as Cecile said, your son is lucky to have such an accepting mom! :icon_bigg
As a parent I'd pretty much agree with Proudmama. Similarly, I have always been (I thought) liberal in my outlook, but now I have to make my actions match my words.
It is really fantastic to have contributions from parents here, and I'd like to extend my appreciation, and also my encouragement that if both of you (and any other parents) have the time to stick around and contribute, it is sorely needed and will be very much appreciated!
Thank you. I definitely plan on sticking around...This whole thing is new and unexpected- I just want to be able to support my son and by extension, anyone else in the same boat as he is. If anyone needs ideas or advice or just a parent figure to talk to, I'm definitely willing to help in any way I can. This site is already helping me so much as well.
