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looking for advice for my daughter

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by manoreast66, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. manoreast66

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    My daughter, 14, was recently at her guidance counsler at school because she was noticed cutting herself (1st time). All day went by and phone calls between me and counsler were made back and forth. Im thinking that Im to hard on her or that she is finally breaking down because her father was never around. To make a long story short, she told the counsler that she was feeling confused and thought she may be a lesbian.

    About a week before that happened we were together and she was texting. I asked her who she was talking to. Not to be nosey but jsut being a mom. SHe said my girlfriend and my response was ok. she kept repeating herself to see if i would react any different, I guess. I told her I wouldnt care at all if she was straight, lesbian, or bi. I'd love her the sam and nothing would change between us.

    Anyway, she doesnt know that the counsler told me. I want her to be able to keep that trust with the counsler. We spent all weekend together and she hasnt opened up to me yet. She says she feels embarrassed to tell me. I just wish she would tell me already. She's my baby girl and I love her to death. Im just a little worried she may hurt herself again.

    Please, can someone help me with a way to approach her if she doesnt approach me in the next few weeks.
     
  2. plasticcrows

    plasticcrows Guest

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    If she wants to open up to you, then she will. Why should she have to? I know that as a mother you desire to have a more open and stronger relationship with your daughter, but pushing her to be more open with her emotions and discuss her sexuality with you, if she doesn't want to, could annoy her and make her feel guilty for not doing, or wanting to do so. I think you've already done what you should do. Remind her that you will love her no matter what sexuality she is. You could also try to remind her you'll love her unconditionally, because she could be dealing with other problems that you're unaware of. And I'd say she likely is, considering that she's cutting herself. Speaking of which, you should talk to her about that. That's a very big issue, one that I don't think a school counselor is apt to deal with. Don't treat her differently, don't call her strange or make her think that you think she's insane for cutting herself. Just ask her to not do it, because you love her and don't want her to get hurt. Also, have you considered getting her an actual therapist? If that's within your economic abilities, do so.
     
  3. wyat

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    I'm 15 and recently my mom has been questioning me about my sexuality. I love my mom, but I don't want to talk to her about it yet. I just feel like it shouldn't be that important that I open up to her now. I'm not yet comfortable enough to talk about it.

    Your daughter might not be ready to talk to you about it yet, either. I think you should give her some time and let her decide when she wants to talk about it. I'm sure she knows that you will be there for her when she is ready. You've already told her you will accept her no matter what.
     
  4. WilliamM

    WilliamM Guest

    When she feels ready she will tell you. I personally dont like to talk to anyone about how i truly feel for fear of hurting peoples feelings and the fear of not being accepted. She mite have those same feelings so all you can do as her parent is just wait till she wants to speak to you about it but that it just my opinion in the matter.
     
  5. Farouche

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    Try to treat her as an adult rather than a kid. I know, that's hard when you remember teaching someone to walk and talk, but it's usually what teenagers want. For example, don't ask her who she's texting.
    Once she trusts you not to be nosey, she may choose to talk about herself. Listen, but don't ask.
     
  6. csm123

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    Hi and welcome to EC

    I would just like to thank you for taking the time to look for help for both yourself and your daughter,only a careing parent would bother to do this.

    In your post you say that she told you she was texting her girlfriend,and also repeating it to see if you reacted any differently.Well in my book that would be coming out to you,so i just wonder if she now considers herself out to you,end of conversation until she feels ready to open up a bit more.At 14 that would have been a difficult thing to tell your parent.

    As for what now.I would just treat it as though the girlfriend story was her coming out (even though the counciler has told you,she doesnt know that).If you are talking,just casually ask who her girlfriend is,in a way that portrays that yes you know but it is not an issue at all.Once she realizes that you are on her side,she will open up to you when she is ready.

    She will have to accept herself and come to terms with being bi/gay,before she feels comfortable talking about it with anyone,let alone a parent.

    Just on a side note,if she gives you the opportunity,it might be a good idea to introduce her to this site.We try to be a friendly bunch giving out the best advice and ecouragment to help others in coming to terms with there sexuality.

    Good luck for you both
     
  7. manoreast66

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    Thank you everyone who replied. I think maybe the convo in the car was kinda her way of trying to open up to me. Im not pushing nor will I push her to talk to me. Im just letting things happen like they do on an everyday basis and when shes ready, she'll tell me in her own way. About the cutting thing, I did sit down and talk with her about that and told her that she has plenty of people to go to before she should harm herself. She promised me she would never do it again and I do believe her but I will pay more attention on things like that. She's a wonderful girl and it hurts me to know that she is struggling inside. Thank you again for all your advice!!!