my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls name

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

Well, first off, it's good that you love him for who he is. Though you may not understand your sons feelings, at least you haven't cast him out as some might.

It's important that you accept and support him, or should I say her, in whatever lifestyle s/he lives. No one can choose their orientation or gender. You also need to understand just how much courage it took for him to tell you.

In short, just be accepting. It may take some time for you to accept this, but it's all in their best interests. Good luck, and remember there's always someone here to offer advice!

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

I'm certain it took immense guts to tell you something like that. What he described is transgenderism. Just in case you didn't know, it's the "T" in "LGBT".

It depends on where you live I guess, but attitudes are improving quickly around developed countries at least. The key is confidence. If you can inspire her* to be proud of who she is even if others try to tear her down, it will scarcely be a problem in time. With cases like this, other people can only make one feel as bad as one lets them.

*I would make a point to try to use female pronouns from now on. I don't personally know anyone who is trans, but it is serious and how others view them is very important. I'm sure it will mean a lot if you start looking at him as a her, no matter the physical appearance.

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

All you can do is be extremely supportive and be absolutely sure she knows that your love is unconditional. That is one of the most important things. If my parents told me they loved me unconditionally when I was younger, I would be a much stronger person today. Even with that, it won't be easy. It will be a struggle, but your child will be much better equipped to deal with what lies ahead. I hope it works out.

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

There are professionals that can help you deal with the transition and also the emotional changes that your child is going through as well. Just try to be as accepting as possible. There is not much more in this world that is as painful as being rejected by your own parents.

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

Haha thanks for the correction. I don't understand transgenderism all that well myself either!

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

Hi there, as the first male to female transsexual to reply to your thread, I hope I can provide some unique insight.

The first thing I want to point out is that I will be referring to your daughter as a girl. I know its hard and takes some adjustment, but I know first hand how important pronoun usage is to trans people.

I want to compliment you for coming here and trying to get some information to help your daughter. I would be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly jealous. I hope that my story will give you a little perspective.

I'm also the first born in my family. A couple years ago I tried to come out to my family as gay. I wasn't ready to admit to myself or others that I was trans. I always knew, but I suppressed it because I didn't think I would ever be able to do anything about it. I grew up in a Catholic conservative household. I even went to Catholic school for 13 years. When I came out to my parents as gay, it was the worst experience of my life. My mother blamed me for breaking her heart, and even told me that being gay was the worst thing that even happened to her, specifically telling me it was easier for her when her dad died.

Now I have been on hormone replacement therapy to transition my body into that of a female. Yet I still haven't told my parents. I'm completely financially dependent on them, and I visit home often (I'm even at my parent's house as I type this). Yet they don't even know I'm trans. It breaks my heart to have to keep such a massive secret from them, and I know I can't do it much longer. My boobs are getting bigger and my face looks more feminine every day. When I think about the situation, it just turns into suicidal thoughts... and I'm not alone. 43% of trans people attempt to commit suicide at some point.

I have a thread with some more info on trans people here. I would recommend taking a look or at least looking at some other sources for info http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/74432-information-about-transgender-individuals.html

I didn't want to go on a depressing story about my life, but I want you to understand what your daughter is going through. Please, I beg of you from the lack of support I have from my own family. Please be there for her. Please refer to her with the names and pronouns she prefers. It will show your care more than you can possibly believe.

This may be a side fact, but you said she said she was gay. If she is trans and gay, that would mean she is a lesbian and likes girls. But I'm assuming you meant she likes guys in which case she would be straight. Just plugging some info for you.

I really am super happy to have you here to support your daughter. I know this must be hard on you and I wish you the best of luck. Be strong for her, I assure you what she is going through is even harder (*hug*)

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

well we are here for you and hoping for the best!

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

First off, I think your attitude and the fact that you've come here are commendable You sound like a wonderful mother and its obvious that your love and concern are genuine.

If your child is Trans then the most important thing you can do is, well exactly what your doing:supporting them and trying to educate yourself. Seeking out a therapist would be prudent as well. There may be a part of you that would like (her) to try and ignore this, not out of shame on your part. Quite the contrary, you love your child and don't want to see them face some of the hate that's out there. I can so understand that aspect. It's natural. Repressing this is one of the worst things they can do. It will not go away if (she) really is transgender, and it will get worse over time.

I knew I was female earlier than 14 and chose to repress it out of fear. I faced years and years of depression over it. From my mid teens to mid twenties I was borderline suicidal over my gender before graduating to a general apathy toward life. Since coming to terms, seeking help, and taking steps, my moods have leveled off and I'm generally a happy person. Understand that most of my depression did not come from being Trans, but from trying to repress it and feeling alone. I'm not telling you any of this to scare you, but rather to help. Son, daughter, whatever your child may be, the key is in facing this now. Incidentally, since coming out, there's been little to no negativity in my life and, having confronted this, and knowing I have the support of my family has filled me with the confidence I need and I know I'm ready to deal with that negativity should it arise. Facing the hate on the outside is far preferable to going back to the hate on the inside.

I wish I had more time, but I have to work my wall is always open if you want to talk. I'm happy to share anything I can.

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

I'm almost in the same position as your daughter.

My only advice is to be extremely support, I'm sure she's that aware that this is something hard for you to grasp, but she's hoping that you'll accept her as she is. It's great that you love her unconditionally though, I'm not that lucky.
Like what has been mentioned, there are therapists out there to help with the transition process if that's what she decides to do (not all transgender people go through a complete transition.)

If you need anything we're here c:

---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2012 at 08:56 PM ----------

Also, a big thing to remember (I don't see that you have this problem, but it's good to remember if you ever wonder) is that being transgender doesn't mean her sexuality will change, gender and sexuality of an individual don't go completely hand in hand, just don't assume if her gender is biologically changed, her sexuality won't.

Good luck, you sound like a wonderful mother though. c:

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

I'm not sure if this will help, but i'm gonna try. For starters here is how I'm looking at it, A. In your situation as a mother (looking at it as if my daughter wanted to be a boy) and then b. If I were your child, and felt as if I were a boy, but ppl kept treating me like a girl.


So here goes, If it were my child it would scare me for the same concerns as you, I would still love her yet would worry about her future and what it ment. So perhaps here is what I may do. Sit down with her ask her, who all is it ok to know? Does she want her father or siblings to know. Does she want to be a girl now for good, perhaps a change of school with being a girl. I dunno what your capabilities are, but I think if that ment I could keep my child I would go for it, I would want to help her be who she wants, Maybe a secret gift no one else knows about, perhaps a girl outfit or pair of underwear, maybe even some makeup and clip on ear rings, just you and her go somewhere and give her her gift to open.


now if I were her, It would frustrate me to no end, if I were a boy and wanted to be a girl or vise versa and was being treated like the other, it would probably make me go crazy, I think you seeking help online is more than likely the best first step you could have taken. That shows true strength and love for you child. But imagine if everyone was treating you like a boy. Expected you full out to be one, and you were trying to tell them no Im a girl, I want to do this, not the other way. I dunno if any of that made sense but in my head it does lol. Good luck dear and it will all work out. You love your child and just show her you are there for her and are ready to take the steps needed to do what is best. That is letting her be her

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

Just tell him ur thare for him and help him just tell him what u think only ONE time and then leave it all up to him

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

oh look, another brave parent who wants to be there for their child!



I want to give you a thumbs up!

and of course, being 14 he/she might be in middle school, and going to HS soon, so that would be a challenge for you both too!

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

The world can be harsh, but having a mom and a home where she can be safe, understood, and respected, will make all the difference. I am very grateful to you for loving your child even if you don't understand this situation.

Knowing you are the wrong gender is really hard. It's something that takes up a lot of thought and a lot of courage to come forward with when it's impossible to know how one will be treated. The fact that she knew she could talk to you and that you came looking for support gives me great confidence that the two of you will get through the difficult times and keep a good relationship.
Talk with her, ask her about what she has been going through and what she wants to do. Get information together. But let her have her space and time to think, too. If you are a part of her transition and her life, you will have that much more together in your relationship, and she will not have to deal with this alone.
Bless, and best of luck. Hoping to hear from you again.

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

I am sure it is a HUGE reason why...and you loving and supporting your child no matter what is a big deal.

I have not told my mom, who is on the sofa right across from me. I have today asked what if I told you the boy name you chose for me...David...I like it way better than what you named me...Kathy? (that is she had names picked out for either gender) She told me TWICE today that if I want to go by David it is fine with her, and I can see from her body language and facial expression and eyes it is a non-issue. That I was not prepared for! I am in happy shock.

So if you want to ask your child what name or names they want to try, or tell them what names you had considered had you been told by doctor that it was a girl baby, I bet that discussion if you are really loving her will go a LONG way to making her closer to you and any issues with losing friends can have your shoulder to cry on. I am not "gay" I am transgender, and I may actually kinda like either gender to date but have never accepted any dates as my gender is wrong.

Btw, I have told many friends as I am almost out at college, and honestly even many Christian ones have been fine with me. Although kids can be cruel, I think it is possible our fears are worse than reality sometimes. I am here for you both if you have any questions or want to talk.

Thanks for loving your child and not rejecting them! (hug)

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

First, as others have said, you've already done a commendable job by saying you'll always love your child. I've also noticed that you've posted that you're worried it might be a phase. At this age, 14, it's almost not possible to be considered a phase. In the younger years, gender exploration is viewed as usual, a game, almost. But as it persists into this age, it's serious. I'm also sure, if she were to see these posts, she would be ecstatic to see your referral to her in feminine pronouns.

You're worried about potential suicidal thoughts too, and there's a very good chance that this could be a major factor. Just let her know that you'll always listen to her when she wants to talk and you'll always have her back. Just be there for her-- force nothing.
Once again, you're doing very well. Congratulations!

 

Re: my 14 year old said he is a girl in a guys body and wants to be called a girls na

I agree with all of these people. It makes me very, very happy to see a mother who is willing to support her child no matter what. Maybe there is hope for humanity after all.