Helping my little brother find who he is...

Do you and your brother have the type of relationship where you are open with each other?

It might be difficult to be told that you could be gay, but maybe you can raise some questions that will help him consider what is going on.

This is a great video talking about the shades of gay. Maybe you can share it with him?

I know that my depression has gotten a lot better since being honest with myself about my sexuality.

 

maybe encourage him to see a therapist/ counsellor some more

 

almost my story! i was acting like that before. Maybe your brother IS gay? cos now i am. still not sure tho

 

Personally, I don't think, in the context of a private conversation, that it would be inappropriate to ask him if he is gay. How you frame the question would be important; for example, once on the topic of relationships, just causally ask and give him the chance to defer to answer for another time, if he needs it.

 

Hey Stardust,

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you are an awesome sister and want only the best for your brother! Your brother (in my opinion) does not describe someone who might be gay in anyway other than telling you he was not entirely attracted to his ex-girlfriends. I think there is more to this story than what we have been told.

My goal is to try to get you to take a closer (better) look at who your brother really is and how you can be his best advocate. The reason I say that is because it's important that we treat everyone with the integrity they deserve. I believe you agree with me.

If advice is what you are looking for it would help to tell us about your brothers character. I don't know where your concern stems from exactly. Has your brother changed dramatically recently? From your post, you have said that your brother has always had some trouble "fitting in" and "his sense of self". Trying to fit in isn't necessarily something to be worried about. On finding his sense-of-self, what is the rush? really? As long as he discovers it before he dies is fine with me.

For me the most important thing here is trusting what our brothers and sisters tell us unless there is a concrete basis for our assumptions.

The truth is your brother could be dealing with many things, sexuality could be one of them. What if he secretly likes to dress up as a female, and not just on the weekends! Your approach is going to be important here! You have to be willing to accept the whole truth here and define for yourself who you will be in any event. Your family sounds like it is mature enough that it can handle sexuality issues. If you want your brother to come to his family its important that your brother hears the words.

-Your well being is important to me. I want you to know that you can come to me or tell me anything and together we will find a solution.

Tell him your concerns

-I noticed that you used to play ball with friends every Friday, and its been 1 year since I saw you playing ball. Is everything ok? I want to help!


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Your brother has to be willing to accept help. Unless your brother needs to be placed on a psych hold (suicidal). We should allow him the option to seek help.

Hope this helps.

-Alex
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On Coming Out.

Coming out is/should/could be a Rite of Passage for LGBT people and should be Celebrated!

 

Maybe he is gay. Doesn't sound to me like his not being attracted to his exes means he is, though, but it's a possibility. Good advice has already been given on how to ask him if he is gay or what, but I would just like to add that, as Alex suggested, the best first thing to say might be to tell him you're there to listen to anything he might have to say. He'll be more inclined to come out to you and the rest of the family if he is. I know from personal experience that being asked directly "Are you gay?" can, depending on the person, feel like a personal attack, even when it comes from somebody you know won't think ill of you for saying yes, and if your brother struggles with his sense of self and fitting in, being asked directly may not yield the response you expect or desire. When I came out, I came out as possibly bisexual, because I was then and still not now sure, and I did it on my terms, not when asked. Give him the opportunity to say so on his own, and while he may deny it at first, if he is gay, he will eventually come out. Probably. Some gay men stay closeted their entire lives, but that's their decision and everybody else should back off and respect it.

That said, I'd just like to throw in that your brother not being attracted to his exes could just mean he didn't find them attractive. And his being slightly effeminate has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. There's plenty of straight effeminate men out there, and his definition of an attractive woman may not have been filled by the women he dated, not that looks are everything, but even if compatible otherwise, no physical attraction can be a detriment to a relationship. So yeah, just give him the opportunity to say on his own anything he may be keeping to himself and go from there.