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Do you think it's ok for a parent to ask point blank?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Tightrope, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. Tightrope

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    So, is it ok for a parent to ask their teenage child about their sexuality simply because they are suspicious, and especially asking across genders - mother asking a son and father asking a daughter? I know of two situations like this, and these two guys did not like it at all. In one case, the son later got married. In another case, he was gay but I've lost track of him.
     
  2. Goodnyte

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    I think it is okay, but that doesn't mean I think they should ask. The child shouldn't have to come out because their parents asked, it should be at their own pace. Parents should respect that. Even if they are suspicious, don't ask. They will eventually come to you. Maybe sooner, maybe later. But eventually. If they are suspicious and okay if their kid is okay if they aren't straight, just drop hints that you are fine with it.

    Back to the question, I think it is okay. That doesn't mean you should do it. It would make your child uncomfortable. Not all will, it may relieve the pressure of saying it, but still, don't ask.
     
  3. Hefiel

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    My parents asked me once if I was, and I was still in denial so I answered no.

    As far as whether it's ok or not, depends on what the parents intentions are (if they are supportive or against LGBT). I think it's best not to ask the question and just let their child come out to them when he or she is ready, more often the answer will be "no" anyway.
     
  4. Dublin Boy

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    I was praying that my Mom would ask me, she had asked me a few times over the years & I denied it, but this year I was ready to come out, I had come out to myself & I was having trouble telling my Mom, so after she found out, that I attended Gay Pride, she asked me again if I was Gay & I said "Yes". :slight_smile:
     
  5. Tightrope

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    I think a lot of parents ask mostly because of their concerns over health issues and then so they can sort of figure out how to deal with everything like family functions, friends to expect, the big "life plan," and all that stuff.
     
  6. mattjm

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    i sort of wish my mom would ask but pray,which doesnt make sense because im an athiest, that she doesnt at the same time anyways i think for it being ok to ask their kid really just depends on if the person was ready to come out but hasnt yet or what their parents acceptance level is but if i had to say yes or no id say maybe
     
  7. David2231

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    In my case my mom believes all LGBT people are evil and shes asked me a few times whether I'm gay or not and whenever I say "no" she says things like "oh thank god." So for my current situation it bothers me when she asks me. Pretty sure shes in denial cause its obvious I'm as straight as a bent pole...
     
  8. George

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    My parents have bugged me about it quite a bit over the years. Usually indirectly, like "why aren't you dating any girls?" and a few times in some really big fights they directly asked. However, I was always in denial so my answer was always no (usually a very passionate "No of course not!"). It honestly made me angry that they kept asking. However - now that I have finally started coming to terms with it - I think I wouldn't mind if they asked again.

    Anyway, I can see why parents would ask, but I really think they need to just hold back and wait until their son/daughter approaches them on their own.
     
  9. freedom200

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    omg, you have no idea how many times my family has brought up my sexuality. they think I'm straight. tehe :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  10. Martjain

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    I don't think it's okay in most cases cause you are placing your son/daughter in an awkward situation, unless he/she is ready to come out to that person which isn't very common.
     
  11. skiff

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    Yup! It is a parents job to nurture and support.

    That cannot be done with secrets.
     
  12. Don Quijote

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    I was really depressed and my father tried to figure out what it was. He was very supportive and asked me same questions one of them was whether I'm gay.

    It was ok to ask and I didn't mind but I lied and said no. Why? Because I wasn't ready to be out.

    So it's not necessairly bad to ask this question but most likely your child is going to deny it. It's simply not a very reliable method to find out :slight_smile:
     
  13. biggayguy

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    No, it's not okay. It's like asking mom if she's been faithful to dad. It's not their business either way. You should be able to come out at a time and place of your choosing. OTOH, some people are relieved to get this question from a parent. They can finally be open and honest with their family. A lot depends on how the answer is received.
     
  14. justjade

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    I don't think it's OK. I've been asked by my family several times why I want to look like a boy, and I just lied through my teeth. Like a friend of mine once said, "There are some things your parents just don't need to know," and she's right. I'm not saying not to come out eventually. I just don't think it's right for parents to pry. Parents can't force their kids to come out.
     
  15. 2112

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    I hope they do ask me again, they have already asked a couple times (is it that obvious?) but I hadn't accepted it myself yet, so I told them no.
     
  16. Tightrope

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    I agree. Especially to the sentences in bold. My parents have never brought up anything like this. But family friends and relatives have made rude comments, as early as about 28, for being single. The one lady who asked her now-married son did it because she's very traditional and would have had a fit if he answered in the affirmative. I actually know more people who have never been asked by their parents than I do people who have been.
     
  17. Ettina

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    A better approach than asking would be to state what their response would be if the child came out. Something like 'you know, if you're gay, I'll accept that and love you just as much as if you're straight'.
     
  18. sguyc

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    Yes its perfectly ok. So what if your kid is awkward about it, kids are awkward about every single sensitive issue.

    Even if they aren't ready to come out, knowing that your parents are already ok with it makes it a lot easier. And no I don't think hinting at being ok with gay people in general cuts it in terms of your child thinking you will accept him unconditionally.
     
    #18 sguyc, Jun 6, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2013
  19. kibeth

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    It depends on how the is phrased and what the purpose of asking is. If you just want to let your child know you'll be ok with it either way and want to give them a chance to talk about it should they want to that's fine, but if it is purely about your curiosity then it is not.
    Also every child and every situation is different. for now I wouldn't mind my parents asking and I would come out if they did, but if they phrased it badly (as in I really hope your are not) I would lie and stay closeted...
    Thus it is ok, but think very carefully about how you do it!
     
  20. Niko

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    I had this happen to me not too long ago. My mom asked if I were a lesbian and insisted that I was no matter how many times I said that I wasn't. Do I believe she was wrong for asking? Not at all. But I sure did hate the fact that she kept it up, until the day I came out as transgender.