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I think I suffer from Hypochondria/Mental Illness

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Confuzzled89, Jul 28, 2013.

  1. Confuzzled89

    Confuzzled89 Guest

    Help. Please read if you have the time :frowning2:

    A few years ago I convinced myself I was dying. To cheat death I planned my own suicide. I couldn’t handle hurting my family so I needed to kill myself before it affected them. On the day of my suicide I went to the doctor for a full check-up; I was fine. I decided to not kill myself.

    My first date with a boy was September 2012 (almost a year now). We made out A LOT. First kiss ever. But, after the date, I spent the next few hours spitting out my saliva because I was fearful it had HIV. I was back where I started- crazy about contracting diseases in normal circumstances. I recalled the year previous with my suicide attempt and thought, “Don’t do this- it’s in your head” and a day or two passed and I made it go away.

    I went to a club and a guy kissed me. Surprised, I quickly shut my mouth and felt only a bit of his tongue go into my mouth. Not a French kiss or deep kissing. But because it was a gay club I think maybe he has AIDS or maybe he gave oral to a guy who came in his mouth who had HIV and he came in that guy’s mouth and so then he kissed me and transferred it to me!

    WHAT!?

    I just made a whole scenario in my head. I have this psychosomatic tendency when I read about STI symptoms and get it. I can’t do this “gay” thing. I’m not strong mentally to do it! I can never kiss a guy without fearing he’s going to kill me. :frowning2: I think I’m mentally disturbed or insane. I want to go get tested in a month for HIV but then when I say that I feel like an idiot! I KNOW HIV CANNOT pass through spit and is low risk via oral sex (yes, I’m the guy from an earlier thread) which I DID NOT do (still a complete virgin), and the mouth is a hostile environment for HIV given the proteins and enzymes inside, and HIV does not survive well outside the body or exposed to oxygen (I did my research), but what the hell is wrong with me! I think I’m crazy!

    What do I do!!!??? HELP! Should I get medicated? Go see a shrink?

    Anyone here a hypochondriac? Am I a hypochondriac?
     
    #1 Confuzzled89, Jul 28, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
  2. LD579

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    We can't diagnose you. There are tons of inherent problems with diagnoses over the internet, and I won't get into them.

    With that said, it's clear that this is a large problem for you. I'd like to address two things:

    1. Not all gay guys have HIV or AIDS. Also, not all gay guys are promiscuous. Those are stereotypes.

    2. You should see someone about this, whether that's a therapist, counsellor, psychiatrist, or what-have-you. They'd be able to help you much more than any of us can in a more lasting way. With that said, I suppose I'll be one of the first, maybe, to push you along that way? Go see a family doctor or something, perhaps, and they may be able to direct you to someone more specialized. Good luck and I wish you the best.
     
  3. Precious Venus

    Regular Member

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    Confuzzled I'm really glad you've come to this forum and are asking for help. The fact that you were "planning your suicide" is extremely frightening and you need to be talking to a mental health practitioner about it.

    You know that what you're thinking isn't quite right and that's fantastic. Many people suffering from serious mental illness have no idea their perception of reality is distorted and that makes them really hard to help. I don't think you're "insane" and honeslty, after having my own struggles with mental illness and working with so many mentally ill people, I don't even know what that word really means any more. I definitely don't think you're a hypochondriac, you can actually see that some of your thought patterns aren't logical and that is a real issue, not an imagined disease. What we know for certain is, you recognise that something isn't right and it is both making you unhappy and putting your safety at risk.

    Could you back to your doctor and tell them you're having thoughts that aren't rational? Could you tell your parents, maybe? Mental illness is a real medical problem and there is absolutely no shame in seeking help if something doesn't feel right.

    Please keep us posted and take care of yourself.
     
  4. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Yeah paranoia is hard to deal with, but I don't think you should get medicated, as a lot of cases they just make you worse.
     
  5. BudderMC

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    In just as many cases they make you better. Many medications prescribed are antidepressants which have variable effectiveness. Starting new medications is very much a trial and error system: you may need to cycle through several to find one that works for you.

    As Luthan said however, it would be inappropriate on many levels (and not beneficial for you) for anyone here to diagnose you. Your best bet would be to talk to a psychologist about it (or your GP to get a referral to one).
     
  6. Confuzzled89

    Confuzzled89 Guest

    I made the call to the Social Worker Agency today at work. My sister says part of my problem is that I keep everything a secret so my second step was to tell my friends I need help and you know what- a couple said they’ve seeked it. Who knew? :slight_smile: The agency will make my appointment soon. I also called the HIV/AIDS hotline and told them my story and they gave me very comforting advice and facts and I feel a WHOLE lot better.