I think I have a body image problem. Everyone keeps telling me I'm looking good because I'm hitting the gym (barely any muscle due to specific reasons), dress well and like to keep clean. The thing is my whole life I have never been commented on my looks by people outside of family and friends, been told unsettling things regarding my face (again people are horrified by this and say I'm a handsome guy) and been given a particular look when I picked someone to dance with me one time. I've been told I don't have a belly and am skinny, but when I look in the mirror I can see one. I started to hit the gym so I could get comments from people and pick up a guy whom I would like. People have told me because of my sweet personality I can pick up anyone I'd like which is very comforting to hear. One thing I think would help with my confidence would be to go outside more. Is this a body image and confidence issue I have? How can I stop it?
I kind of know what you are talking about, last year in school I was struggling with anorexia pretty bad because I felt like I was getting fat or losing my figure. My solution instead of working out was starving myself, I figured if I didn't eat I would be thinner and in turn also more attractive. I too have been told I am attractive and to this day do not believe them and find it rather silly, since I base my self worth on appearance. I found the best thing to do is either focus on yourself, or try getting a hobby. I found the best thing for me was just hanging out by myself and getting to know what I like. Treating myself to a movie was a good start for me, it gave me an escape for an hour or two. And eventually I ate it with popcorn, and now I can watch a movie eating and drinking multiple snacks without batting an eye. I'm not saying you need to watch movies but find something you like to do, like reading or sports or just listening to music. Like a very wise drag queen one said "You need to love yourself, before you love somebody else". Just take time to get to know yourself with a hobby or something. My insecurities are not completely gone but it really helps, I have gotten more confidence and am even starting to like myself a bit. Remember this worked for me but just because we have almost the same problem doesn't mean my solution will work for you. Just remember that you need to love yourself. Find something that makes you feel good that doesn't have to do with appearances. Hope this helps and I wish you best of luck -Northern
Well, first off, let me inform you that I know exactly how you feel. At one point when i was at the peak of my dancing career I was 5'11" 3% body fat, and weighed 165lbs, and still thought I looked terrible. Looking back on it now, it is fundamentally shame. Shame is like your shadow, lurking behind you, constantly telling you that you are not enough. Good enough, smart enough, straight enough, thin enough, whatever enough. And when you get past that, it's "who do you think you are?" I know your dad hates gay people, I know you ate that cookie yesterday, you know he's not into you, etc. So, at its core, shame is the feeling of dis-connection, or the idea that if people know something about you, you will not be worthy of love, belonging, and connection. What do we do when we experience shame? Often times we numb. Drugs, alcohol, food, gym, sex, work, these are all the same thing in a different form, and the list go's on forever. However, we are not capable of selectively numbing. When we numb shame, fear, anger, sadness, we also numb joy, love, hope, creativity. Then we seek meaning in our lives, which makes us feel cut off and lost, which makes us feel vulnerable, which makes us feel fear, which makes us numb some more (you see where this is going). So how do you handle shame? You become resilient. Vulnerability. Thats the answer. Shame is like mold growing in the back of your mind, when you expose it to the sunlight it will die. We need to take the leaps of faith, make the uncertain decisions be vulnerable. For gay people this can be coming out, for someone who has an eating disorder, doing what you just did is good, but it go's far beyond just your issues. Its saying "i love you" first to the person you are seeing, or applying for a job you dont think you will get, initiating sex for the first time, crying infront of someone, being artistic and creative, or anything where you dont know what the out come is, and whether it will be appreciated. Because while vulnerability is scary and it breeds fear loss and shame, it is also the only way to find love, creativity, joy, and happiness. Also recognise this, you are human By virtue of this fact, allow yourself to realize that being a perfectionist is counter productive to the human experience. All it will do is shield you from feeling happiness, not pain. If you need any more advice, or personal advice, feel free to comment on my wall. Much love sweets,
Hi I can't really give you much of an advice because i don't know your real age, are you 16 or 27 ?? so my answer would vary according to your age background and life experience. But in any case i would say love you self first because people will only like some one if they are confident with them self's and love them self first. in the mean time you go girl Happy Gyming !
Going to the gym is a great decision regardless of whether or not you have body issues. A healthy person is always sexier than an unhealthy person and they are usually more confident as well. It might help to list the actual things about your body that you don't like. Learn to love the ones (or just accept them without negativity) that are just a natural part of your physiology. In the end your physical form cannot overcome other deeper negative feelings (unless its tied to those). I would address the deeper self esteem issues first or along side exercise. I had a good body for a guy and was considered stereotypically attractive, got lots of compliments all the time, still felt like shit, still was insecure about everything. Looks aren't everything.
