I was once listening to a mental health practitioner who said prostitution has an ingredient of control for the prostitute. First, if a prostitute has a pimp, it's the pimp who controls. Second, I don't see who and what they are controlling, except that a client pays for the service and the prostitute can set boundaries at to what she will or will not do. The client doesn't care about them. They'll just go back to their residences, or their wives. So, then, let's extend this to sexual activity. Is a promiscuous person being fueled by a sense of control? Or is a higher than average level of sexual activity, whatever average may be, more related to hedonism, making up for lost time, or, in some cases, selfishness and addictive behavior? They say selfishness and addiction are two sides of the same coin. I have had friends with addictions who could eschew the addiction to do something for a friend whereas others who had their scheduled time to indulge in their addiction would not. Any comments about the "control" aspect of hooking up?
Maybe a promiscuous person my lack a sense of control in other aspects of their life except when it comes to their sexuality. Maybe they subconsciously use sex as a manipulative tool to get what they want as a way to make up for their general sense of lacking control of their lives. ...though I'm just guessing.
Good point. Or it could be a relief from what's not right in other parts of their lives, so it could be "control" in that way, too. If the sex isn't really conditioned in anything, other than a baseline of attraction and mutual consent, I'm not so on board with the manipulative aspect. But, again, we always wonder why people do the things they do, and there are different ways to look at these things.
I'm so glad that you created this thread because I am currently having issues with control. So, foremost, I will admit there was a time when I was a bit promiscuous. I'm not like that any more, but I was addicted to the feeling of being in control. And I will say that I was a bit selfish because I was only seeking that particular feeling. I did not care about the other person's feelings and or needs as terrible as that sounds. I told my doctor about how I felt and he told me to exercise self control, something I lacked big time. So, I've been working on it and it has not been easy at all. I feel like I cannot help myself sometimes and I'll give in; not with just anyone, but with an ex/friend with benefits. I actually thought that I may have been suffering from sex addiction, but I don't think it is that serious. I truly and sadly lack self control and it's not just me; people give into me so easily. It's kind of a contradiction because I lack the self control to not give into my desires of wanting to be in control. It is actually the reason why I am not in a relationship now, because I do not want to be unfaithful. And it's really unfortunate because I'm actually seeing this amazing girl now, but how can I expect her to understand all of this? Especially, without her freaking out and running away... And now, that I'm rereading over what I have said, it is kind of odd that if I love the aspect of being in control, why don't I get the same feeling by simply saying no? Like, I don't even care if I am not sexually satisfied after hooking up. I mean, I thought sex was all about sexual pleasure, but in my case, the power and control is the only thing I am after. Gosh, I hope that makes sense :icon_redf
