This isn't easy to talk about, but I'm going to anyway. Loud whispering gives me flashbacks to being raped. That being said, it's even worse during sex. Yesterday, my boyfriend and I had a quickie, and he started whispering to me, and it felt like I was back there that summer when I was being raped every weekend by my cousin. I don't know how to describe the feeling, other than this sick, disgusting feeling throughout my whole body.
(*hug*) You should talk to your boyfriend about this and tell him to be careful. You should also maybe see a specialist about this, if you aren't already. (how old were you and the rapist BTW, and was he arrested?)
A shame, as rapists should be punished. Therapy is really the best answer to your problem. Are you seeing someone?
I was, but I'm moving away in 5 days. I've wanted to see a dedicated sex therapist about this shit for a long time, but I can't afford those on a college kid's budget. That's something that makes me want to cry every time I think about it, is that I'll never get justice.
Have you had therapy for this? It's going to continue to affect you until you do, and unfortunately, the effects can be pretty deep and long-lasting without therapy to help process the experience and let it go. There are a number of techniques, including EMDR, which can be extremely helpful in clearing out the traumatic feelings associated with the experience. I'd suggest once you get to college, look into what sort of options exist there for therapy. Many schools offer free or very, very inexpensive therapy for their students.
Another vote for considering therapy as soon as you've settled in at college. No idea about your college, but I know colleges usually do have counseling departments, and (probably) with more competent staff than a high school counselor. If nothing else, they might have good referrals. I can't promise anything, but given the huge awfulness of what happened to you might influence a therapist to price services at rock bottom on his or her sliding scale.
As soon as I get there, I'm going to get involved in the FIREplace survior's group on campus. FIRE stands for "Fighting Ignorance about Rape through Education." They're a mostly-female group from what I heard, but I highly doubt they'd turn a rape victim away just because he's male. And for the first time in my life, I'm going to go to an LGBT group, made up completely of students called OUTspoken. I did find a couple links on my school's website that could help pretty much anyone in my situation, no matter where you live. I am an LGBTQ survivor | Sindecuse Health Center | Western Michigan University I am a Male Survivor | Sindecuse Health Center | Western Michigan University
I am so sorry to hear that. That is terrible, i just couldnt even imagine how tramatic that must be (\ ' . ' )\ hugs
I can't help but wonder, did he make me gay? Is that what had to happen in order to be blessed with the person I love?
Sounds good! I can't imagine FIRE would turn a guy away. You are NOT the only guy who has been raped by any means. I'm a little envious of you having OUTspoken. While I value EC, I wish I had some handy "real world" thing available. ---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2013 at 04:48 PM ---------- Based on what I know, I don't think anyone can be "turned" gay. I think you were gay all along, and the rape was separate thing.
I don't know. But the things he made me do...I actually enjoy doing them with my partner. I was apprehensive about the whole thing at first but I do enjoy that now. I will say that I'm glad my cousin after raping me at least 30 separate times, that he never, well, you know what I mean, right?
It's lucky that you can function happily with your boyfriend. Of course, the experience is much different--now you are with someone who loves you. But I think one could just as easily be unable to tolerate any sort of sex act after being raped once, let alone 30-plus times.
There is one holdover though...I won't bottom. At this point, that's not up for debate. I'll give BJ's (and that's what he made me do mostly, and for some reason I actually do enjoy giving head), but he also raped me the other way, and after that, I won't bottom. Now my BF does understand this and he understands why, and I do want to please him and be flexible/versatile, but at this point, I can't.
Hey I was just asking the same question you were about rape causing homosexuality in the "What are you thinking?" thread. I wasn't a child as you were. I was 18 but it was multiple times. I don't know if this will help you answer your question but if you do a few searches you'll start to notice a trend with the studies that suggest it can change your sexual orientation. Many of them are religiously affiliated. take from that what you will. I don't want to upset anyone so I will leave it at that.
Just to amplify the above point, there's zero credible data in the psychology or sexology literature to support the idea that rape or sexual abuse has any effect on sexual orientation. It can cause some confusion but it does not alter the underlying orientation. The few studies that do point to a link are very poorly designed, have very small sample sizes, or are otherwise fatally flawed. Two were done by or under the direction of the asshats at NARTH (a right-wing, anti-homosexual, crazy Christian group that, until he was outed, had an ignorant, closeted gay guy as its principal clinical consultant.) A couple others were basically horribly misquoted to the point where the authors of the studies have recanted any of the reported results of their studies. Nothing credible. As far as therapy, I'd suggest that what you need is not a sex therapist, but a psychotherapist or clinical social worker that specifically has experience in working with male abuse survivors (totally different background and training from a sex therapist.) But it is pretty crucial that the therapist you work with actually has extensive experience in working with male survivors. It's a very different subspecialty than working with female survivors.
I wonder if my school's psychology department would have someone like that, and if they charge anything because you're allowing the students to practice their skills on you.
It doesn't hurt to ask. Even if they don't have such a program, they might be able to refer to you elsewhere. It may not be totally free, mind you. Often it seems such training programs still charge one, but the cost can be much, much, much less. Also the regular counseling department might have someone of use, or can, again, refer you. I believe many such departments are light years beyond what a high school counseling department is like.
Sexual abuse does not influence one's sexual orientation. At most, the victim might seek to relive the abuse. A friend of a friend actually constantly searches out for old men to use and humiliate him because he was abused by his uncle. ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2013 at 09:44 PM ---------- He did sexual acts on you, and sexual acts are meant to be pleasant under normal circumstances. I've read that one of the main reasons victims often feel shame and guilt as a result of rape is that they might have felt some sort of pleasure while it happens (e.g. a woman having an orgasm while being raped), and they think that since rape is suppose to be a horrible experience, feeling the slightest hint of pleasure makes it less "legitimate" (and this is the mentality that lead to the Republican debacles last year). However, having those pleasurable feelings is not the victim's fault, as the acts performed on them are usually sexual acts people perform consensually on each other in order to gain pleasure. It doesn't change the fact that it's against the will of the victim.
