Okay, so just to preface, while I'm asking this question, I am a virgin and have not actually had a relationship as of yet. But, while looking for potential partners in the future, I thought it would be a good idea to keep in mind the kind of intimacy that 1) I prefer and 2) will be best for a good relationship between me and my partner. So here goes: What do you guys think is better? Frot and/or frottage or anal sex? I know that anal is perceived to be pretty popular within the gay community, but it's not really my cup of tea (personally, the thought of something going up my butt makes me cringe). So I thought Frot might be the way to go. I know Frot is safer in terms of transmission of infections or other health complications, but for those of you that do it, is the physical connectedness with your partner the same as if doing anal? Is it as satisfying in terms of being a part of one another? Because that's also important to me. Also, I'm not really a fan of the idea of giving oral, but I wouldn't mind receiving it.
TBH there really isn't a 'best' way or option in this area that works for all people. Rather, the question is more along the lines of: a) What activities do you find most pleasurable/a turn on? b) What activities feel just OK or neutral to you but you're willing to do them if they are something your partner really likes doing? c) What activities do you really not want to do, period? After you work figure those out, then it becomes a matter of finding someone who's likes and dislikes are compatible with your own. There's also the issue of being open to trying new things, but only if you're ready. Regardless, with a bit of work you will find someone who is compatible with you in area 1 and 2 above regardless of what the specifics of them are. To use myself as an example, I don't find anal very exciting. Don't actively dislike it, but find it both boring and a lot of work for very little pleasure or intensity of pleasure. I do find kissing/body contact/mutual masturbation very exciting/pleasurable and enjoy oral to a fair degree. And I've never had any problem finding people who were fine with all that. In only one instance (a past relationship) did it become an issue and that was because the guy basically had no interest in doing anything to make me feel good and didn't much care whether or not I was having a good time at all. That relationship didn't last much past the point I figured this out. My current partner and I have been together 16yrs, have very similar preferences in terms of sexual activity and feel very connected and intimate with each other, not just in the bedroom (or whatever room we happen to be in ) but just on general principles. Love is funny that way. In terms of health, as long as you always practice safe sex, then you shouldn't have any problems with health complications either way. Hope this helps, Todd
Like AKTodd says find what you like to do then find someone who likes the same thing. If I were to use his definitions for me a) giving/recieving oral, I also put bottoming here but I reserve it for after I get to know/trust someone better b) for me this is stuff like body contact, 69 position, and kissing. I'm not gonna be the one to initiate these activities but will roll with it if they are something you wanna do c) I think he needs another group here so i'll add 'd' in a minute. This is where I would place topping because it is something I really really prefer not to do and it doesn't excite me, however under the perfect set of circumstances it has happened and probably will again if those perfect circumstances are met again. (something I'll do for my partner, if we been together a while, on special occasions). d) this is where I put things like rimming, golden showes, ect. Sorry just the thought of these turn my stomach. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' if you enjoy it go for it.
Redneck: i'm so glad I'm not the only person disgusted by rimming... Most of the people I've been with were into it, and I just...no. It was making me feel hopeless that it would be my downfall not being into rimming lol
Agreed with everyone.. It's personal preference. My advice is not to be afraid to experiment with things you think you might not like... I have found that doing so often helps you discover new things you actually do like! But if you try something and don't like it, or the idea of it is such a turn off that you would never even want to try it, don't be scared to be up front about that. Any partner who wouldn't be satisfied without those things isn't someone you'd want to be with anyway. For example, I doubt I could be very happy in a relationship that didn't include anal in both directions. I can't imagine ONLY bottoming or topping with my partner.. it seems too uneven. That being said, my partner is a bit more of a bottom and I definitely don't mind topping him more often. I would be miserable with a partner who didn't want to do anal at all.. I do find it interesting that I'm a little more.. adventurous than most people in this thread: a-1) activities I really enjoy (and would have a hard time going without): giving / receiving oral - swallowing (both ways)- body contact - kissing - topping - bottoming - rimming - anal play (fingers / toys) - armpit play (sniffing / licking - as long as theres no deodorant and they were washed withing the last 24 hours..) a-2)activities I really want to try / experiment with: watersports - light bondage (tying up and being tied up with ropes or cuffs, basically) - threesomes. b) activities I'm not that into but would have no issue doing for a partner: role playing - spanking - nipple play - dirty talk - dom / sub dynamics c) activities I'm not down for: scat (incidental poop during anal sex or fingering doesn't really bother me - but it has to get washed off before the fun continues - and the butt that made the poop is usually out of commission for the rest of the session)
My thoughts have already been covered by others, but it's really down to what is...your cup of tea. I personally can't bottom (don't ask, I'm a virgin but I just know I wouldn't be able to without issues) so I'd either 'frot' (hate that term, sounds like something dirtier and less romantic than it actually is OR I would top. It's up to you.
Can someone tell the middle aged man in the room who (only recently cracked the closet door open) what Frot means?
Im sitting here LMFAO because I had the same fear!!!! Thanks for answering the question its appreciated!!!
Thanks for all your replies everyone, I had been kind of telling myself the same thing about figuring out what I like, but I wanted to sample some opinions first to make sure it wasn't just me. ^Well, there's frottage and then there's Frot. Frottage is a general term for outercourse (non-penetrative sex) that involves rubbing one's genitals against an area of the partner's body in order to orgasm. This can include between the butt cheeks (but not into the anus), against the thigh, the chest, etc. "Frot" is a specific form of frottage where both partners rub their genitals against the genitals of the other partner (basically the way heterosexual vaginal sex works with the partners facing each other, but without penetration, as there's nothing there to penetrate.) Personally, Frot, for lack of a better term, sounds much more appealing to me than anal sex. I like the idea of being able to look into the face of my partner during the act, and it seems more, well, equal than anal sex. Both get stimulated in the same way, and there's no "giving" or "receiving", because in this case, each partner both gives and receives. That said, while even though anal doesn't seem particularly appealing (especially bottom) I may not totally disregard it if my partner absolutely begged for it. I would try it once, provided it was prepared and executed safely, and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't do it again.
Anal isn't as terrible as everyone thinks it is. It is extremely important to prepare beforehand; also, make sure you or your partner takes the time to loosen things up down there with a finger or two before jumping straight into it. If you take those steps you/your partner should be fine. Also, if you/your partner lies on your/his back and the other comes around through the front you can look each other in the eyes.
Started out as a top but over time became a bottom. I feel i took the final step in becoming a gay man once i bottomed. The sensation of being a bottom and totally giving yourself to your man is fantastic. It is a incredibly intense sensual pleasure experience. I never feel more "gay" than when I am being penetrated doggy style . I love the feeling.
For the record, you can totally look into the face of your partner while you fuck their ass / they fuck yours. It's my favorite kind of position. Just have them put their legs on your shoulders, or just hold them up in the air if that's too much of a stretch. That way you can face each other and make out and stuff :icon_bigg As for equality.. take turns! I get being scared to have someone fuck your ass.. I was terrified the first time, but really, if you never try it (a few times!) I feel like you are missing out. It's such an awesome feeling when your prostate is getting pounded. Plus it's psychologically insanely hot for a guy to have his dick inside you, facing you, kissing you.. at least for me.. lol.
