This thread is about psychology and sexually related mental health, so I'll put it here. We may have all seen or read about the woman who marries a man who has been supposedly weaned from his homosexual attractions and behaviors. Usually, it occurs in a religious context. To date, I think I have watched 2 talk shows where this was the topic. In one case, both the husband and the wife were very attractive and about 35. They were religious. In another case, they were a little bit older and looked like anybody's neighbors. In both cases, the wife was more vocal on the talk show and attempted to sound very convincing that their marriage was working. We've also heard the stories of where these fall apart later on. Most of them seem to. I knew one couple like this, though they were acquaintances. Again, I said were. Something just didn't compute. It's like they were on Xanax or some mood stabilizer 24/7, and everything seemed too peachy to be real. They have a couple of children. The topic of sexuality is discussed with the children way too much instead of, say, drugs and alcohol, almost as if operating in preventive mode. I wonder if these kids are going to grow up to be neurotic (not really a medical term any more, if ever). The questions are: Why does a woman who knows a man has a lengthy past of same sex encounters take up the mission to marry him and keep him "converted?" Is she in denial or in need of some weird kind of affirmation? Is it about something in HER past? This is why I think conversion therapy is so misguided. First, it profoundly affects people who go through it in a very negative manner, even if they stay unattached. Then, if another person, such as a future spouse, is brought into the picture, it is really unfair to them. There are no winners, other than those who run a money-making business of conversion therapy.
I've got to believe it's some kind of control thing. The guy has to be completely nuts, for starters. If you know you're into guys, have had sex with guys and liked it enough to keep doing it, you'd have to have some deep-seated fears and problems to not only get married, but be OPEN about it (and go on a talk show? Sheesh!). I have to believe he wanted to be rescued and/or dominated in some way. And for a woman to get involved in a situation like that, I would think she must either have some zombified religious attitude that she's saving the guy from hell, or else she gets off on using the fact that he's gay as a stick to beat him with to keep him in line. Either way, it seems pretty diseased. Of course, I can't even begin to comprehend why anyone would go on a talk show to spill ANYTHING in their lives, whether it's barely-concealed sexuality, or just having a dog that piddles when guests come over. I have to give my wife credit for the fact that since I came out to her, she has made no effort to "convert" me and has only attempted to understand. My biggest worry was that she would try and beat me with the "gay stick" (hmmm, that actually sounds really WRONG....and a little exciting!), but I made it very clear when I told her that I was already comfortable with who I was, so there wasn't much of anything that could be used as a weapon. I can't imagine being so insecure about it that I would get into a straight marriage, but then blab all about it. Crazy people.
Congrats on 1,000 posts. True. However, if it's religiously affiliated, that will depend - some will settle at behavior while others will want a change in orientation so there's reproduction. Ex-gay ministry sounds like a change in orientation to me. It's like throwing money at the wind.
you married someone and then came out to them? sounds like you did the same thing as the guy your shitting on
Actually lowkey, it's exactly the opposite. The OP was about couples that marry knowing that the husband had gay encounters in the past, and they apparently were rather smug about their conviction that he had been "cured" of his gay past. I got married knowing that I had some feelings for guys that I didn't understand or accept, didn't acknowledge them for 20 years, and have now decided to own up to them and accept them. Basically the difference between (in my case) opening the closet door gradually and stepping out, vs. (the couples in the OP) building a big glass closet, locking yourself in and then motioning everyone to look at you standing in it.
