So obviously I am a gay guy and I am in an awesome relationship. But that aside I don't know what is wrong with me, sometimes I am so gay, proud, horney and excited its such an awesome feeling, I am like this for a few days. Its probably too much since it tires my boyfriend , I am literally some hyper gay slut (I am really sexually demanding when I am like this) But then as soon as the euphoria comes it goes and is replaced by thoughts of self doubt, questioning what I am doing with my life (my life is fine, career, PhD in a few years etc.), that my parents and family must be ashamed of having such a flaming homosexual as a son etc. I sometimes cry myself to sleep. I hide this from everyone, my boyfriend, my family everyone . I am pretty good at it, I just look like I am having a bad day but inside I am in pain. This can't be normal, I WANT to be happy, I love it when I am gay and proud, its not like I am in denial about myself, I am open to everyone, I am becoming a gay rights activist, I have embraced my homosexuality to the point where even if it was a choice as some put it then I would happy pick this life, its a beautiful existence. I should not be having these groundless doubts about myself. (I have figured a way to get around them though I go and put on a gay pride tee shirt or something to feel good again)
i feel the same way, this is nothing out of the ordinary what you could do is focus on where you are heading, rather than where you are right now (and it looks like you are in a decent place at the moment anyway). it's ok to doubt, the negativity - the work of the devil as some would call it - is bound to enter your life now and then, it does for me, but as hard as it may seem we must do our best to be kind to ourselves, know that you are a happy individual with all the qualities you desire, let them out. judging from your post, i think you should fear not, you seem to be more stable than i am.
