OK, I think that I am just looking for some affirmation and encouragement from this website. Since the beginning of the summer, I had been dating someone who seemed to be an intelligent and caring young man. There was clearly a mutual attraction, and we would go out a couple of times a week and have sex about once a week. I am a bottom, and he is versatile. At any rate, he had mentioned to me a few times that he wanted to have sex with me with no protection, saying that he was clean, yada yada yada. I always said that I have never done this before, and that I had no intention of having unprotected sex EVER. At any rate, one week ago today, we were having excellent sex. We had already gone through two condoms, and he put on a third. After we were done and both showering together, he said to me "I hope that you won't be annoyed with me for what I am about to tell you." At this point, he tells me that he had secretly taken off the condom and continued to have sex with me. He even ejaculated inside of me. I was in such a state of shock that I could not respond. I went to the doctor shortly afterwards, and I have been taking PEP, the post-exposure prophylaxis medication, which lasts 28 days. When I later confronted my lover and told him how upset I was by what he had done, his response was that he should never had told me about it afterwards. Needless to say, we are through. However, I now have such trepidation about the idea of ever having sex with someone else. The thought that someone whom I trusted had pulled the wool over my eyes has left me very uneasy, to say the least. Very much looking forward to your comments !
Well, you're in the right, he completely violated your trust in the mot intimate of moments, and there's only so much you can do to become comfortable. I'd be willing to bet you're probably perfectly fine, and it was merely a case of really bad judgement on his part. You can always get yourself tested after I believe 6 months, at which point you'll most likely get back clean results. After that, I suggest not having sex unless it's with someone you trust enough to go unprotected. At that point, even though they'll probably be protected for your comfort, you'll be at an advantage in terms of trust.
Hi Gary in NY, despite the unfortunate circumstances leading you here, Welcome to EC! You learned a hard and risky lesson, but you did what you had to do; both in terms of taking care of your health first and foremost, and then telling him to take a hike. Despite all this, I hope that you find other things of interest here at EC and the many opportunities to learn things, without having to learn them the hard way. And who knows, there may be things that you can teach us as well! Cheers and best of luck!
Hi, Gary. I'm really sorry for the experience you had. The guy is clearly a selfish ass, and you're smart to be taking the steps you are. The odds are pretty strong that you'll be fine and there will be no problem, as the risk of transmission, even if he does have something, is fairly low for a one-time occurrence. I realize that probably isn't very comforting right now, but hopefully it helps. I also hope you'll have the opportunity to trust again. It may take you a while, but I think you will. And for what it's worth, I'd punch that guy in the face if he were in front of me
I'm sorry this happened to you, sometimes you do everything right and you still lose. But you did the right thing be ending it with this guy. And i'm with Chip I'd be happy knock some teeth out of this guy's face.
absolutely, that is the ultimate betrayal, putting selfish wants above someone he is suppose to care for's safety. i really hope you can find trust again, this :***: didn't deserve yours.
I hate to say it but women face this problem all the time. Guys have this move with their hand that slides them off. It would be a good idea to get HIM tested to set your mind at ease. After all if he is clean then there would be nothing to worry about! Right? Having unsafe sex is not the guarantee that you now have a std. Hope you feel better and good that you dumped him... June
Not everyone in the gay community is infected with HIV or an STI. Not every penetrative sexual encounter results in the transmission of HIV or other STIs. Still, this is not a reason to engage in unsafe practices and please be more careful in the future. Ensure that a condom is used from beginning to end. As for this person, he is bad news and is gone. Don't allow yourself to be played by someone in the future. If this person runs in a circle of friends or acquaintances, you'd have to weigh whether or not you'd want to share this information with others.
Thank you all so much for your understanding, and for your words of encouragement. I'm sure that I will trust once more, but it may take some time. Thanks again.
I'd just like to say that you seem like a very intelligent and capable man. It's very good that you started PEP, and I was going to suggest it. As others have stated, you should wait until you fully trust someone. If you jump the gun a little early, then you should put your hand on his dick whenever he enters you to ensure he still has a condom on.
