Hey, So, I was wondering, does anyone here have an eating disorder? I've been dealing with one since around 15. I'm 23 now. I binge, binge/purge, restrict, and take laxatives. Now I am overweight (BMI 26.2), and I feel so awful and ashamed. I've never been in a relationship, obviously never been intimate, and I don't think I ever could be. The level of self-loathing and anger I have is too much to have around another person in that way (even if I could feel attraction at all) or put it on them. Does anyone else deal with this? How do you handle it? How do you have a relationship despite it all?
Hey mystical, :icon_sad: You've been dealing with this eight years longer than anyone should have to. I wish I had words of advice, but suffering EDNOS, same as you, (bout 100 lbs, bmi 18), all I have is empathy. Nothing is more painful than an eating disorder. It feels like the only glamorous side effect is being skinny, and when you aren't it feels like you can't even be Ana/Mia right. It really, really, really sucks to have to think about food all the time. It really, really, really sucks not to be able to go swimming, or wear shorts. Mirrors suck. I could go on about eating disorders for a very long time, but I doubt anyone would actually read through it, so I'll stop. Just know you're not the only one out there. Cyberhugs to you, and to anyone else who's playing host to the Bipolar Eating Habits Demon. (*hug*)
Hi Lovely, I suffered from an eating disorder in high school. My methods changed depending on where I was...home, out with friends or boarding school. But I was lucky enough to have a friend catch me and bring me to the the principal who made me go to counselling. So my first piece of advice is to not be ashamed and seek a counsellor if you can because without mine I wouldn't have survived or become as happy as I am today. Then I will give you the advice she gave me: Think about what your true goal is? Skinniness is not an end goal in itself but from your wording you want to be able to like yourself enough that you can see yourself in a relationship and obtain one? So truly your end goal is liking yourself. Of course it didn't take a five minute post for me to realize and internalize this...it took months and after that it took years for me to find coping strategies and stop falling back in to old habits everytime I had a bad day. However I will give you my coping strategies: Tell a friend (seems like the most terrifying thing in the world but if you want help I would go to the "coming out" pages here and sort of model it off of that) Athletics (so going to the gym seems really scary. So I started just running outside. Running saved my life, gave me a feeling of empowerment every morning and hilariously gave me the body I actually wanted in the first place) Schedules and Purposes (Have stuff you do everyday. Go to bed and wake up at the same time so you get enough sleep. Have a bedtime and morning routine where breakfast just fits as another part of the day so you don't stress about it as much. Also keep yourself busy and with a purpose...the first thing my consellor told me to do was pick a club or NGO or something I found interesting that had nothing to do with eating disorders. It gave me a feeling of being good and took my mind off stuff well I built confidence) Restrict your internet access (As wonderful as this site is, you don't get the same feelings for internet friends as you do from human to human interaction. Plus your not moving around or outside soaking up vitamin D. Especially in the beginning you want to keep moving. So have you computer set up in a way that it will kick you off after a while) Animals (Sometimes they are just the best buddies a girl could ask for. During the summer away for the scheduling of boarding school, my dogs constant happiness and taking her for runs kept me sane) Good luck And remember if your sliding back we are always here as well so keep us updated I would love to be buddy if you wanted someone to talk to about things anytime. Just add me as a friend
Hi, yes, I know what you are talking about. Anorexia it is for me. Staying in control and selfharming is my reason. Being skinny is secondary. I went to a nutritionist a month ago. Gained four pounds. Now I hate myself and fight the strong urge to lose them again.
I happen to be in this situation right now, having an eating disorder and being in relationship. It has been tough to juggle the two, but all I can say that it is getting harder and harder to hide it from my boyfriend. We have been together for a few months and he realizes that I never want to eat and if I do eat with him I always go to the bathroom soon after. He hasn't questioned me yet, nor do I think he will, but from my stand point it is just getting harder to hide it. Plus, I am always too tired to do anything and I'm always freezing. Being in a relationship with an eating disorder IS possible, but ultimately I feel that being thin is what will keep my boyfriend attracted to me, so I won't stop doing what I am doing. I am sorry that you are dealing with this, it truly is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with in life. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
if you ask me, i weighed 132 lbs and i was 5 ft 4 or 5 ft 5 and it was considered normal for me but i wasn't overweight or anything. i was pretty healthy.
