nervous about first anal sex

Have you done any anal masturbation with your fingers or a toy?

 

Hi there...girl here. *slightly awkward* You might want to take Ridiculous's advice. I didn't do anything at all with that until I tried anal sex. It hurt pretty bad the first time, but it did get better as time went on. Make sure your partner is willing to go slow. Mine thought that the "rip off the band aid" philosophy would be less painful. Nope. Not even a little. Lol. As long as you prepare a bit before, and your partner is gentle, you should be just fine. Okay, I feel a little weird commenting on this, so I'll stop there...

 

Not sure from your post if you mean on general principles or if this something you're expecting to be trying within the next month of so with a specific person. Also, whether or not you expect to top or bottom. Will try to touch on what appear to be the most common issues in each area, based on my experience and similar questions that have turned up on EC:

Pain - If you're doing it right, there should be minimal to no pain. Take your time, use plenty of lube (water base so it won't destroy the condom - and OF COURSE you'll be using a condom), and have good communication with your partner who should listen very closely. If bottoming, you can feel what's going on and make adjustments based on that to some degree. The person topping can't feel the same thing and needs to rely on the bottom's feedback and direction to both avoid causing pain and provide the best sensations for the bottom. So don't by shy about telling your partner what you need them to do when bottoming, and asking for feedback when topping.

Taking it Slow - with practice you can get to the point where you can relax the relevant muscles and be ready to bottom as quickly and easily as you now shift your weight from one foot to the other. But that is not something you are going to do instantly nor should you expect to be able to. Pay no attention to what you see in porn. Those guys are professionals. That means no ramming it in on the first try and the thrusting is going to need to be much MUCH less athletic at first. In time you may reach that sort of performance (assuming you care to) but it's certainly not a requirement or even necessarily common to go at it like that.

Plan to have no time constraints for your first time. If you need to be over and done in an hour or less, better to reschedule. Really. You're going to be naturally nervous and tense enough without having to watch the clock too. Instead, have the day/evening open and allow for plenty of making out/foreplay/getting in the mood time. Consider giving each other backrubs or full body massages, with the bottom going second. Consider starting with fingering and moving up to being able to inserting 2-3 fingers before a penis ever gets involved. If you have the wherewithal consider investing in a reasonably priced toy (with a flange, you really don't want to lose it - also human size is best for practice purposes) that you can play with solo (at least at first) to help you figure out the mechanics, get used to the sensations, etc. The main trick is learning how to relax the relevant muscles and practice really does make perfect. BTW once you've learned to relax those muscles, consider learning how to tense them at strategic moments. Your top with thank you (if you're really skilled he may also make you breakfast )

Lube - There really is no such thing as too much lube in this situation. Eventually, you will know exactly how much works best for you, but better to overdo than underdo the first time. As mentioned above, water-based lubes work well with condoms. Do not use oil-base as it can break down the condom and cause it to break. Put a dab of lube inside the tip of the condom so it can move around, giving the top more sensation. And a certain amount of care is probably called for when rolling it on, particularly if the top isn't into trimming their pubes. Because extracting your pubic hair from the grip of a condom that managed to catch some of it and then re-roll up is not a great way to spend an evening.

Positions - In terms of positions, something that lets you both control things and not have to fight gravity too much may be best. This could be the top lying on his back while the bottom straddles him and sinks down or both of you on your sides with the top behind the bottom. Sort of like spooning but more so. Once you get going (and get used to being penetrated/penetrating) you can try whatever positions seem interesting of course.

Poop - some guys worry about cleanliness down there/in there. While some folks like to use an enema beforehand, the general consensus seems to be that this isn't needed and may have health issues. Generally, a healthy bowel movement within an hour or so before the event should be fine. The lube will also tend to prevent much of anything from sticking. If you're worried, whether about poop or excess lube or whatever, consider putting down some towels in strategic places. Finally, bear in mind that sex can be a somewhat messy affair on general principles, but while you're doing it you're unlikely to care all that much. Whether with towels or paper towels, if you do feel the need for a little clean-up just do it and then continue with what you were doing.

Ejaculation (premature or otherwise) - Whether you are the top of the bottom, there is the possibility that during anal you may:

a) Not be able to ejaculate if bottoming - this is actually fairly common as is going soft even though it feels really good. Again, don't worry about what you see in porn, this is pretty normal. You can simply enjoy the sensations until you're ready to cum and then either switch to doing something else where you can cum or help things along with your hand (or your partner's hand if you're in a position where he can spare one).

Note that condoms can also make it harder for a top to cum and so he might need some help in that dept too eventually. Much the same options are available in that situation.

b) Ejaculate very rapidly - Either due to excitement over the first time, or just on general principles, sometimes you (or your partner) may cum a lot sooner than planned. Don't let it throw you. Instead think of it as just the opening shot, particularly if you're younger

Give it somewhere between 10-30 minutes (during which you can cuddle, do something nice to/with your partner, resume that backrub you were doing earlier or whatever) and you will probably be recharged and ready to go again. This will vary depending on your age, level of energy, and general health. This is also another good reason for not being under time pressure when doing it for the first time (or any time preferably).

Finally, I'd refer you to the various resources available on EC, including some pages and threads devoted to just this topic. They can make for a handy reference.

Hope this helps,

Todd:smilewave

 

Lube is your friend and lots of it!

 

Foreplay is not just for getting in the mood.
Be sure to loosen up the area, preferably by pleasurable means with your partner, and this can also be a time to apply LOTS of lube. I also recommend taking an enema beforehand, because you are having sex with an ass, and you want to make sure that there wont be any ut-oh's. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use protection, and enjoy. DONT FORGET THE LUBE.....Copious amounts of lube...

go get um tiger!

 

Just to reiterate what others have said above USE PROTECTION!!!

As I'm a virgin myself that's the only advice I can give you but seriously, don't ruin your life, wear a condom!