ADD, Adderall and out of control sex drive.

Hi,

I think there may be two separate issues here.

First, with regard to the ADD: Did you see your general physician, or a psychiatrist? The nature of the way Adderall works is it will have the same effect on just about anyone, whether or not they have ADD, and that's one of the reasons it can be addictive (it's chemically pretty similar to crystal meth.) It's also pretty powerful, as you're finding. So if you were diagnosed (recently) and prescribed by a generalist physician rather than a psychiatrist, it is probably worth scheduling an evaluation with a psychiatrist who can do a more in-depth workup than just a computer test that may offer some options other than Adderall that might have fewer side effects.

Also, in the bigger picture, ADD/ADHD is one of the most overdiagnosed and overprescribed conditions in this country. I'm not saying you don't actually have it, but even among those who do, the actual symptoms often recede over time and go away by late teens/early 20s. But the study/work patterns it leaves can persist even if the actual condition isn't really there. So what that means is that there are cognitive and behavioral "fixes" that you can work on that can reduce or eliminate the need for the drugs, which could ultimately leave you better off if you're willing to pursue that approach.

Now, onto the effect it's having on your sex drive: That side effect is one of the things that makes me question the diagnosis in the first place. Typically, people who have ADD/ADHD find themselves calmed and focused by appropriate medications, while those who don't find that the drugs basically boost and intensify moods and feelings (including sexual feelings). This, too, is one of the allures of "street" stimulants such as crystal meth and cocaine.

The drugs for ADD/ADHD do vary in how they effect each person, and there's no definite formula, which is why working with a psychiatrist rather than an internist or general practitioner might be a wise choice.

But the bigger issue here is, I think, to look at what's going on with you with regard to your attractions. A drug isn't going to change your sexual orientation. But a drug that focuses you may bring whatever sexual orientation you have into clearer focus. Reading some of your other posts, it seems pretty clear that your primary attractions are to men and not to women, that your marriage has little or no sex in it, and that your fantasies and sexual attractions are pretty much limited to men. So given that, it sounds like you may need to think about confronting the core feelings; even if you changed medication, or got off the medication completely, I think you may be beginning to realize that you are more gay than bi.

I get that confronting that is scary as crap because it turns your life upside down, but I would offer up something to think about: If you think about it, your marriage and your relationship is entirely inauthentic. You've never told your wife you're attracted to guys, or have been with guys, or that most of your fantasies are with guys. And your wife is the person you're supposed to feel closest to, and to whom you can share your deepest feelings.

So think about this from her perspective: She likely assumes that you love and care for her deeply, in the same way she (presumably) does about you. But you don't. Because you can't. If your roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know what she was feeling? Wouldn't you feel like you *deserved* to know the truth, so that you could have the option to find someone that could truly love you and care for you the way you care about them, and the way you deserve?

Finally, with regard to the internal conflict about physical sex and attraction vs. emotional ties... that's quite common in people who are struggling with self-acceptance. Our conscious and unconscious play a lot of tricks on us to help us maintain our denial, and one of them is essentially keeping same-sex focus on the physical act, because it then provides a convenient explanation/rationalization why we aren't really gay. But in most cases... once you start to accept the feelings, you find that the romantic attraction starts to catch up to the physical attraction at a rapid clip. Read a bunch of the postings here and I think you'll see that a lot of people have experienced that. And, too, it is not uncommon, particularly if you have parents who are religious and conservative and unaccepting, to not have this stuff surface until your 20s or 30s or later.

I want to be clear: I'm not judging you nor trying to make you feel bad, only encouraging you to give thought to it. Authenticity is the core of pretty much any meaningful relationship, and without it, there really isn't much there. And I think this may actually tie into the core of the ADD-like symptoms you're having, because if these thoughts are starting to become more prominent in your conscious mind, it could easily (again, as part of the unconscious tricks) use every available tool and means to distract, disrupt, and interfere with normal thought processes to keep you from giving too much thought to it... but in that case, perhaps the medication is backfiring in allowing the core feelings to come into clearer focus.

I realize that is probably not at all what you wanted to hear... and of course, there's no guarantee that I am not completely missing the boat with what I've said above. But it might be worth thinking about.